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Parent guilt

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Parent guilt
« on: April 30, 2014, 05:01:28 PM »
I posted this in the general top parent topic, but I guess it doesn't get a lot of notice. I'll try here by repeating the same post.
New to this forum.  My 19 year old son has a significant case of gynecomastia. 
His surgery is scheduled in 2 1/2 weeks.  I'm really glad for him, but especially as I read stories I feel so bad for not helping him sooner. 
We did agree at age 18 but some other circumstances did not allow a procedure.
I know he has suffered so much since age 10/11.  His family dr. Said it resolve, but didn't.  He works out and is by no means fat. 
His dad and I thought we should give it until he reached 18 years before surgery.  I really regret not helping him get surgery earlier.  I feel sick when I think of all the teasing he has endured, wearing rash guard shirts to the pool, compression shirts, trying to hide when changing in locker room.  Even in his Freshman year of college I know of at least one jerk who said something to him.
I know it greatly hurt his teen years and by waiting I feel responsible for taking that from him.
I hope his surgery is successful and most of all his self-esteem can be regained.   Of course, surgery on your child is scary but I am more concerned if he will be happy or if too much damage has been done.
It took quite a while for me to convince husband/dad that it is a BIG deal.  He finally got it and he worked a bunch of extra days to save for surgery. ($5k).  Proud of him.

Other parents- did you feel a lot of guilt letting it go on so long?


Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/smf/index.php?topic=29284.0

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hammer

Re: Parent guilt
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2014, 08:06:00 PM »
I'm one of the old guys that grow up with this all my life, and did 11 years in the service with breast, fathered 5 kids and now have 3 grand kids! Times were different back then, there wasn't even a name or surgery for this, thankfully there is today!

Many parents ignor there sons cry for help even into their twenties! Don't beat your selfs up over your delay to help, your helping now! It is a very hard call, because most doctors will tell you that it will go away in time, that it's not a big deal, don't worry about it.

For some of us it isn't a big deal, we learn to live with it very early. Some have good self esteem, and good self confidence, and with that they can conquer and difficult situation, other need more help.

God bless you for being there now!


Bob

Re: Parent guilt
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2014, 09:45:51 AM »
Don't beat yourself up over it.  The most important thing is he is getting it done relatively at a young age and has his whole life in front of him.  There are guys who don't end up getting the surgery until much later in life, many who don't have the means or access to get it at all.

As parents we all look back and think what we could have done differently in our child's life.   There are a lot of parents who wish they had a parent who was this supportive about the condition.  Hopefully it all goes smoothly for him.   Kudos for being so supportive!