Gynecomastia Forum, Doctor and Surgery Resources

Gynecomastia Acceptance => Acceptance => Topic started by: steven618 on August 04, 2016, 03:14:19 PM

Title: Wifely Worries
Post by: steven618 on August 04, 2016, 03:14:19 PM
My wife and I recently got married in the beginning of July. She is easily the most understandable person I have ever met and with all my oddities and quirks she has only disapproved one or two. 
My worry is one of them has been me wearing bras. While in the past she has understood that they give me comfort when they are sore, I have been having the urge to want to wear them more and more often. Now I haven't worn one in easily 6-8 months..mainly cause I know while she ok's it, she is not happy with it. Her quote is "just let me know ahead of time so I am prepared for it" and while that is fine and dandy, I not wearing one for some time, I know she will be curious and suspicious more than encouraging and supportive. I know this cause when we first met I enjoyed wearing panties over boxers. Nothing lacy or silk just enjoyed the thinner cotton of womens vs thicker ones of mens and working in a steel mill it was fabric that let me breathe down there vs feeling suffocated if that makes any sense at all...no perversion just more comfortable.....anyways, I would quit wearing them cause of her dislike and then would get in to a F It mode and start wearing it again because it's comfort nothing more nothing less and I wanted to be comfortable more than approved. Anyways the worry stems from that, I haven't worn a bra in some time, and the ones I wear/wore are Barely There comfort bras that look identical to a tank top just for the breast/bra area and blend in incredibly well with my shirts and give quality compression without smooshing and great support...
My breasts have begun to grow in the last couple weeks and when we are "getting busy" and i'm on top i notice them hanging more, and on my side they fill up more of my chest, and give me considerable cleavage now vs before not so much. The growth behind the nipple is getting larger, and the sides have a significant amount of tissue growth that has become very easy to shift around, though the areolas are staying the same and small/manly so idk what is causing the growth as i figured if it were hormonal areolas and other stuff would enlarge as well but maybe i'm wrong....I am going to the dr next week to have some tests ran to see what can be done and while the shape and size isn't crazy...at best small a cup, a bra to me would just be so much more comfortable as i feel the breasts now in my armpits, the jiggle a bit now when i run and at 180lbs 5 11 they are somewhat noticeable now and just curious....to those who have wives who weren't keen or on board how did you convince them to be okay with it and adjust and be encouraging vs discouraging and judging? 

My wife is a lovely loving woman and i totally see her perspective just wish she saw mine and could approach this with her, guess that's why im looking for guidance here. 
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: aboywithgirls on August 08, 2016, 01:49:54 PM
Sorry for your current situation. 
Wearing a bra is not just for women. A bra is for breasts. 
Try having a sort of role reversal at home. Have her go braless and you wear a bra. Try going for a brisk walk together and see if she changes her mind about the benefits of wearing a bra. 
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: expedient-traveller on August 09, 2016, 01:17:04 PM
I ignored my chest for a long time (years) until it could no longer be ignored. I tend to walk briskly (I used to walk a 6.5 minute mile) and as such I bounce. Coming down stairs I bounce. Driving my truck in the country, I bounce. Bounce can be tolerated for a very limited amount of time and then it starts to hurt. Bounce pulls muscles in your shoulders, back and of course the chest area. The need for a "retainer" cannot be emphasized too much. It is a support device. I agree with "aboywithgirls" about switching and having the wife go without a "retainer" and have you wear one. I think there may be a change of attitude or at least she may get your perspective.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: hammer on August 09, 2016, 05:48:31 PM
Sometimes putting the shoe on the others feet can prove a point, but then some people can be to suburn to change no matter what!

I've known women who rather never wear a bra no matter what, and they are as big as I am!

Good luck
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: igotum on August 10, 2016, 08:47:47 AM
Bob,
Here is one I snagged off the www. Don't think she has ever seen a bra! Mercy sakes woman give your friends a break!!
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: aboywithgirls on August 10, 2016, 10:13:45 AM
Bob,
Here is one I snagged off the www. Don't think she has ever seen a bra! Mercy sakes woman give your friends a break!!

That's what I was talking about in my post on Minimizer Bras. Any bra that you choose is better than looking like a couple of puppies chasing each other under your shirt. 

I don't like what my chest looks like under my shirt without my bra. What anyone else thinks about how I look in a bra is irrelevant. All I care about is me and my wife. 
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: hammer on August 10, 2016, 01:49:23 PM
Hers are almost hanging out the bottom of her shirt!
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: 46bboobs on August 13, 2016, 06:45:52 PM
(http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-4/0412/south-park-s04e12c04-asking-for-garrison-16x9.jpg?)
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: hammer on August 13, 2016, 07:18:01 PM
(http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-4/0412/south-park-s04e12c04-asking-for-garrison-16x9.jpg?)

That was worth a ton of laughs!
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: 46bboobs on August 16, 2016, 05:13:30 PM
If you see her on South Park they swing around and crash into each other.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: steven618 on August 17, 2016, 11:49:20 PM
Thanks for the laughs and advice. I like the role reversal thing. If only she woild go for it, i feel even so she wouldnt be ok with it entirely. I just wish i knew why my chest was getting bigger then stopping for awhile and getting bigger. They arent terrible but i feel theyare getting to a point that chest is not a far off name of the past as i cant help but admit they are getting more breast like not even man boob...which im far from over weight so it stands out even more.
Ordered 4 bras and they are barely there cozy  ras, wireless seamless look basically like a tank top just bra style. Jjst hope she doesnt get furious if she finds them :(
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: 46bboobs on August 18, 2016, 12:19:51 AM
Those are pretty small but likely to grow so she may as well get used to it.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: sofa on August 21, 2016, 01:53:17 PM
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: Alchemist on August 21, 2016, 04:27:15 PM
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.

Why don't you take her to a nudist resort for vacation?  That way both of you could walk around together completely nude and get used to the basic body stuff.  I bet it would change her experience and her opinion,.  Good luck.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: hammer on August 21, 2016, 05:42:51 PM
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.

Why don't you take her to a nudist resort for vacation?  That way both of you could walk around together completely nude and get used to the basic body stuff.  I bet it would change her experience and her opinion,.  Good luck.

Not that I want to sound mean, but if she's not open minded enough to accept the bra, I don't think she'll go for the camp, but who knows I was wrong once before, I think it was in 1977!
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: sofa on August 23, 2016, 02:42:24 PM
O
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.

Why don't you take her to a nudist resort for vacation?  That way both of you could walk around together completely nude and get used to the basic body stuff.  I bet it would change her experience and her opinion,.  Good luck.

Haha no way that would fly.  Neathere would i want to go.  
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: hammer on August 23, 2016, 05:53:36 PM
Oh come on, it like taking a shower in the men's locker room and all the girls were invited, but the water was turned off, or vice versa!

You know, while I was in the Navy I saw plenty of nude beaches in Europe along and Mediterranean as well as co-ed rest rooms! After awhile it isn't a big deal!
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: Alchemist on August 24, 2016, 01:41:25 AM
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.

Why don't you take her to a nudist resort for vacation?  That way both of you could walk around together completely nude and get used to the basic body stuff.  I bet it would change her experience and her opinion,.  Good luck.

Not that I want to sound mean, but if she's not open minded enough to accept the bra, I don't think she'll go for the camp, but who knows I was wrong once before, I think it was in 1977!

There wouldn't be any bras to worry about.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: Alchemist on August 24, 2016, 02:04:03 AM
O
My wife is simular.  I dont do the pantie thing but when im run/walk i wear a sports bra a moving comfort vero.  My wife does not agree with it and does not want to know.  So I try to avoid her knowing.  Last vacation she was packing and i forgot to put my bra in my laptop bag i walked with every morning. She was like your still wearing that.  She said your only wearing it when walking right?  I really only wear it then to reduce bounce and pain. Still I feel like im having to sneak and feel guilty wearing it. Wish it wasent that way. Mine are not extremly large.  Lets just say she gets mad and silent whenever she finds a wore it.

Why don't you take her to a nudist resort for vacation?  That way both of you could walk around together completely nude and get used to the basic body stuff.  I bet it would change her experience and her opinion,.  Good luck.

Haha no way that would fly.  Neathere would i want to go.  

I know of nothing better for for getting rid of the malignant body shame that has guys throwing their life away and believe that cutting pieces of their body off is the only solution.  That is really desperate.  As I've said before, with the miseries and traumas of 7th grade through college, at that age and the desperation I felt, surgery would have been a wonderful option but it didn't exist.  I know a woman somewhat younger than me who had breast reduction surgery back in the 70s.  The job was such an ugly butchery that she stopped going out, and made sure she would never be seen nude my a male again (she wasn't/isn't a nudist).  Her breasts are a patchwork of scars.  The size breasts she had were impossible to support comfortably, lot's of pain.  She had good reason to have a reduction.  She acts like some of the most traumatized of the guys with gynecomastia.  I used to be one of those guys.  I'm speaking from experience.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: chifer on August 24, 2016, 05:50:35 AM
Hi Steven, since I came together with the woman who is now my wife, I did everything in open discussion with her; from discussing their role in our relationship to choosing compression shirts to everything regarding my recent surgery.

I think what is important is that they are an (integral!) part of you. It is something you cannot get around, along with their downsides (e.g., the sores). You write that she is very understandable, so I am sure that she will be open to reason. So I would recommend you to sit down with her, and have a talk in which you:

For me, a core aspect would be to understand why she has issues with it, and why she tells you: "just let me know ahead of time so I am prepared for it". I cannot quite understand where that comes from, but I am convinced she has her reasons. Maybe it is a form of implicit disgust, where she feels very confronted with your breasts when they are so clearly "marked" through a bra. I know you have very good reasons, but I'm sure she has very good reasons as well.

If you can find that out, maybe the solution could even be that she just has to get to terms with you having to wear a bra, and maybe the both of you just need a transition period in which you slowly increase the frequency and duration of wearing a bra. You can work on it together and keep it a point of discussion.

If she has a problem with bras but would not be as put off by a compression shirt or other garment that relieves your discomfort, that might be a good compromise during the times that you are with her.

If there is no possibility for a solution, an absolute last resort would be to use a "veto". You are entitled to it, just as you are entitled to a band-aid to put on a wound or a concealment if you have something embarrassing (e.g., a pimple or ugly scar). You have sores, which is your body telling you that have to do something about it (and things could get even worse). I would still recommend taking the "discussion" road, but if this is a point where she is not as understandable as usual and stuck in a way that you cannot get her out of, you'll have to persist. But perhaps I would even prefer a joint visit to your GP or to a mediator first, as this is a big thing.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: TooMuchBoob on August 24, 2016, 08:32:24 AM
Just a few thoughts on this thread.

I can see why nudist resorts would be a good option for some people. I'm sure there are tons of people that don't have fit/perfect/model type bodies. Personally though, if I want to see naked people - other than my wife - I want to see people that have fit/perfect/model type bodies - because they are not the norm.

When it comes to bras, I have really only put them on to see if I have grown any - typically once a month or so. My boobs are quite firm and they don't yet need support. I have no idea how the subject would evolve if I reached a point where I needed to wear one. My wife currently says she sees plenty of guys with as much as I have (funny, I have seen only one or two), and she doesn't have a problem with them at this point.

However, they are still growing, and at some point they will probably become very significant (solid B right now). She is so far supportive, but at the point of needing a bra (significant and very female breasts), I don't know what is going to happen. A bra is fairly visible in anything I would wear, so in warm weather it would be obvious.

My boobs are currently a big turn off for me - I just can't get past the fact that they don't belong there. It's hard to overcome 50+ years of a having a male chest. I would feel the same way if I suddenly sprouted a second penis or a third arm.

TMB
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: walt on August 24, 2016, 09:20:16 PM
hello , judging by your pix your moobs are not that large yet , alas mine are now a full c cup
I wear a 48C most of the time  the wife is ok with it but only pullover type bras , she had a holy caniption when I got a back closure bra.. so go figure that one . I do feel for ya best of luck.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: steven618 on October 25, 2016, 03:56:52 PM
(https://goo.gl/photos/fUryKXAMA9xwADPo7)Thanks for all the responses guys. I still have not told her of the bras but didnt need to as the growth stablized and all was well till i got the familiar pain and itches again. I feel they're just gonna keep growing. Ive had tests done and all is normal and had pituitary and testes examined and all is normal idk whats going on(https://goo.gl/photos/t7ccm9VycnTHo5ek9)
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: Alchemist on October 28, 2016, 01:47:22 AM
Just a few thoughts on this thread.

I can see why nudist resorts would be a good option for some people. I'm sure there are tons of people that don't have fit/perfect/model type bodies. Personally though, if I want to see naked people - other than my wife - I want to see people that have fit/perfect/model type bodies - because they are not the norm.

When it comes to bras, I have really only put them on to see if I have grown any - typically once a month or so. My boobs are quite firm and they don't yet need support. I have no idea how the subject would evolve if I reached a point where I needed to wear one. My wife currently says she sees plenty of guys with as much as I have (funny, I have seen only one or two), and she doesn't have a problem with them at this point.

However, they are still growing, and at some point they will probably become very significant (solid B right now). She is so far supportive, but at the point of needing a bra (significant and very female breasts), I don't know what is going to happen. A bra is fairly visible in anything I would wear, so in warm weather it would be obvious.

My boobs are currently a big turn off for me - I just can't get past the fact that they don't belong there. It's hard to overcome 50+ years of a having a male chest. I would feel the same way if I suddenly sprouted a second penis or a third arm.

TMB

 "I'm sure there are tons of people that don't have fit/perfect/model type bodies. Personally though, if I want to see naked people - other than my wife - I want to see people that have fit/perfect/model type bodies - because they are not the norm."

I see.  You don't get it.  It has absolutely nothing to do about "want to see naked people".  And it most certainly isn't about "fit/perfect/model type bodies".  From your opinion of your body you most certainly don't fit in that category   The point is to learn to accept yourself and others over the normal distribution of body shapes in men and is helpful in getting rid of body shame and fear..  Something that half or more men have is entirely normal and "belong" there according to statistics and definitions.

"My boobs are currently a big turn off for me - I just can't get past the fact that they don't belong there. It's hard to overcome 50+ years of a having a male chest ."

50% to 70% of men die with mammary growth.  For more than half the men breast growth is entirely normal and obviously belongs there.  Diphallic guys are very rare, perhaps a few hundred in the USA whereas guys with breast growth is a majority of those around you even if you can't see them your wife does.  If you really feel the need to have them removed, make yourself happy.  I can assure you right now, while the surgeons will give it their best, "perfection" is rare.  Some will have satisfaction and some won't.  Some feel better about their bodies after surgery and some don't and have shame about the scars or shapes or whatever afterwords.
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: paulpark21 on December 20, 2016, 08:22:40 PM
For those whose wife is not on board I suggest you enlist the help of your doctor.  Perhaps a note or opinion of your doctor will change her mind, especially if you have seen the doctor about discomfort or back pain.

Fortunately, my wife is on board with me wearing
Title: Re: Wifely Worries
Post by: dbweb on January 11, 2017, 05:08:52 PM
Several points caught my attention, and wanted to respond. 
Walt, with your breast size, you certainly need a decent support bra, you wife must not realize how much breast tissue in involved in a 48C cup.  Limiting what choices you can wear is not realistic-how would she respond if you told her she could only wear a training bra or something to that nature.
With regard to asking your GP or doc for a supporting statement as PaulPark mentioned, that is where I started from 3-4 years ago, and with that and some of the commentary and pictures from this site, I was able to convince my wife that I should be wearing bras, and eventually she became accepting.