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What does acceptance mean to you?

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What does acceptance mean to you?
« on: June 07, 2015, 12:33:35 PM »
With gynecomastia as a part of your life, what has acceptance of it meant for you both physically and mentally?

I think for me, it’s something like this: I have a condition, and have had it for most of my life. I know who I am and what I stand for. The remarks of others, who don’t understand, can’t change the real me. Societal definitions of what makes a person are often skewed and change rapidly, forcing insecure people to either adapt quickly, or face their fear of not being “normal”.

I am not a condition, and I will not be defined by a society whose idea of normal is unstable and ever changing. I refuse to allow my insecurities to rule my life because other people have a definition of what makes up a typical person. I can adapt physically. That part is simpler. The mental battle can be harder, but is not impossible. I simply need to remember that those who truly love me and care for me, will see past the condition and know that I am the same person they have always known and loved, regardless of whether I choose to have surgery or not to address gynecomastia.

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/smf/index.php?topic=30691.0

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2015, 01:58:46 PM »
My little journey with Gyno first required me to come to terms with my new "assets" on a personal level. It took a number of months and the council of wise men (this website) as well as support from others that I am not some "odd case" but that over 30% of the entire male population in the U.S.A. has Gyno and, here is the big one, I am not alone.
That was the first and easiest part. The hard part is being in public and being seen. I tried to hide my breasts using duct tape and mostly Ace bandages but in time I grew beyond that point and could no longer be hid by those means. I tried other means to hide myself but that was only delaying what needed to be done. I had to go out and be in public and I am very quickly getting to the point where, as others have said and I as well, people do not really notice your breasts. I have been wearing far more comfortable shirts, which are a bit tighter, that do not hide my breasts as much as I used to. I cannot be missed but people do not pay attention to men's breasts. They might think I have well developed pecs or the such.
The key point is me coming to my own realization and acceptance that I am not drawing the attention my fear says I am drawing. Take "Hammer" for a good example. He is huge compared to me, and yet, as he has stated, people do not pay attention to his "assets" but just get on with their life. I am not saying I do not have episodes where I feel larger than I am and I still look in every mirror I pass to see if I am "sticking out", but I am getting better and I am wearing more comfortable clothing and people still do not notice.
It seems the biggest "mountain" in our struggle with breasts is our own mind. Still, the sun still shines and life is still good. God bless all!

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2015, 04:14:10 PM »
Hi Abcdefgh,
Acceptance to some people is living a life in hiding with compression clothing, multiple layers of hot uncomfortable oversize shirts, never taking their shirts off, going to the beach or pool and fear of taking off their shirt with women.  That is imprisonment by fear to me.  I became a nudist and got rid of the general body fear and shame.  I found out what it is like to sit around the pool with a bunch of other people, each with a unique ordinary body in a normal and comfortable circumstances.  At that point you also may notice, depending upon the age distribution at the club that day, that guys with gynecomastia are sometimes the majority, with only size and shape being different.  And yes, we compare notes on best methods and tools for body shaving.  Compound curves are more difficult to shave than flat as a board areas.

I stopped wearing multiple layers (undershirt, white shirt, vest, suit jacket) when I started dressing like a programmer except at conferences for which I had to dress appropriately.  I wore a shirt suitable for the temperature or none at all at home. Going out I wore a shirt of correct size.  That was 43 years ago.  When younger I worked at a summer camp and did a lot of waterfront, with two other guys with gyne.  I acted in plays and did song and dance as chorus member in plays.  Nine years ago I bought t-shirts for the first time.  This year I bought softer thinner more comfortable t-shirts.  With D or DD breasts shirts don't hide them and trying to is a "kick me" sign to the bullies.  With "open carry" for guns being the current fad in some areas there is no reason not to wear a decently fitting comfortable t-shirt. Open carry for breasts is just fine. Almost nobody cares. 99% will not notice or purposely avoid letting on that they have noticed, they ignore it.  They have been ignoring them for decades and with open carry in t-shirts there is no kick me sign so even the bully types don't say a thing.  They know they can't "get" you because you are not trying to hide.
Acceptance for me means letting it have zero effect on my life. The only people who I let have a say in my life are the ones that let me have a say in their life.  The assholes of the world I ignore.  I've seen a few jaw drops and double takes, but that is their problem.  But nobody has said a thing to me since school except a woman once at a swimming pool.  That is on here elsewhere in my story.
The fear is internally self generated.  I don't know why  it bothers 1% or less so severely.  I always wondered how those guys ignored what to me was terrifying back in school and shortly thereafter.  That still lurks in the background but is mostly habit now.  I AM NOT GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN FEAR of what unknown person might think.
You need to do what makes you happy.  Dressing to do a lousy uncomfortable job of hiding breasts and or nipples and being uncomfortable all the time was not the life for me. Fear of getting undressed with a lady isn't for me.  Fear of taking off my shirt isn't for me.  I don't feel any need for a bra at all.  I dress for my comfort, when I can't be nude, and what my partner says looks good, and having varied from 170 to 325 pounds  (metabolic disorders) and am more than tired of wearing ill fitting clothing.  

American society is going through some growth pains currently.  Suddenly it isn't cool to have automatically despised people to discriminate against automatically based on race, gender, gender preference, body parts and so on.  When I was growing up in the 50s, disabled people were required to be home confined by many insurance contracts in order to receive benefits.  Being seen in a wheelchair was "shocking and disgusting" to other people and shameful for the person in a wheelchair.  Obviously pregnant women "confined" themselves in the house if they had the money.  It was shameful to be seen on the streets as everyone "knew what she had been doing". 

In the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s at least the bullies in the schools were protected, the people fighting back were punished.  So it was "cool" to bully and harass the guy with breasts in 7th grade and they dared not fight back or they would be punished. The same boys harassed the girls with larger breasts as well. I saw girls get in trouble over that but not the boys.  The coaches singled them out for the "skins" part of shirts and skins.
Claim your freedom.  Just forget about the breasts and live life.  Why punish yourself for something over 50% of men have in their life.


Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2015, 04:59:40 PM »
I would like to add a few more things to what acceptance means to me inspired by Katymoobs' post.
I was 325 pounds at my peak after breaking my back in 40+ years ago. It lasted less than a year but stretched my stomach.  I was 285 pounds for 10 years with 85 pounds of excess water with metabolic and other problems. I absolutely hated being fat or thought of as fat because of the water. I'm 115-120 pounds down from the peak and my skin at belly button level is in excess a couple of sizes.  I never sexualized my breasts.  They are sensitive and I like normal massage kind of stimulation, very sensual, but not sexual.  I find a more intense attempt at sexual stimulation to be annoying.  I've gotten used to having breasts, sizable compared to most men and many women.  However, I can't say that I feel terribly different about them than my large abdominal hernia, pile of excess flesh around my navel or the hanging skin from my thighs or arms.  They are not me.  They are lumps of flesh like all the rest that show my history but do not define me.  I'm never going to win the young and beautiful body award and never could have.  I've accepted that. Now my focus is on keeping my body alive and as healthy as possible. I have never had a problem attracting girls or women and becoming friends which leads to other things.  Good luck and have fun.

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Offline hammer

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Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2015, 06:58:42 PM »
I'm with alchemist on this. I've got probably the biggest breast of anyone on the forum mostly due to the lost of my testicles. OK, I've got breast, so what, it doesn't change who, or what I am, I'll wear a bra when I feel like it for comfort, sometimes I don't. If someone else has a problem with this, tough shit, its their problem not mine!

I find no sexual excitement in them, or care if they are there or not, but I won't get surgery, there, going to stay, as I also don't have a problem with them either, they are just a part of who I am.
I'd rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I'm not!

I am who I am,  and I'm not going to change to please anyone!

https://www.gynecomastia.org/smf/index.php?topic=24515.0

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2015, 10:23:14 AM »
Katymoobs,
Thank you for sharing your path to acceptance and where you are today.  I'm sure it took  courage to post something so personal and so different from what seems to be the majority viewpoint.  It was especially encouraging to me, because I'm pretty much where you described in your 2nd paragraph about wearing bras, and I'm already where you said you are today in relation to liking your breasts. 

Although my breasts are smallish and one is slightly larger than the other, they are perky - especially for a 64-year-old out-of-shape man!  They are mine and they are a part of me, so I'm going to take care of them.  My wife has accepted me wearing sports bras all the time now, but  I find that I really don't like being squished and flattened all day.  I'm in the process of trying to find regular bras that fit well (hard to do) and don't add size or call attention to themselves or my breasts.  For now I'm also making sure they are not too feminine-looking until my wife gets more accustomed to seeing me in one.  However, someday soon I plan to also include the "pretty" factor in my shopping.

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2015, 12:47:05 PM »
Building the confidence to walk with my head up and shoulders back. Had it when I was a jarhead, lost it for awhile and now I have it back. 

Confidence makes all the difference in the world. When you have confidence you can get on with enjoying your life again. 

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2015, 07:29:54 PM »
FairviewL: I agree. It takes a bit of time to hold our head up and and learn also to hold our chest up as well. We get into a manner of standing, walking and moving where we hunch over to "hide" our breasts and end up hurting our backs and goofing up our physique. We are not as noticed as we feel. One of the longest looks I have received was from a flat chested woman and the look was envy.

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2015, 07:54:38 PM »
FairviewL: I agree. It takes a bit of time to hold our head up and and learn also to hold our chest up as well. We get into a manner of standing, walking and moving where we hunch over to "hide" our breasts and end up hurting our backs and goofing up our physique. We are not as noticed as we feel. One of the longest looks I have received was from a flat chested woman and the look was envy.
I know that look, a Lady I used to date was slightly smaller than me, while she was exceptionally beautiful with a fantastic figure, she nicknamed me "busty" and would tease me. She said that if we were going to continue to date she would have to get implants so she would not be jealous.
We dated on and off for a year...

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2015, 08:36:57 AM »
I obviously cannot speak for everyone but that look of envy from any woman is a very odd thing. Part of me pulls in the "hide-em" direction and another part pulls in the "pride of ownership" direction. I have only noticed looks from women and not from men. I guess women know what to look for. Having "assets" is a very interesting addition to our lives.

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2015, 05:52:07 PM »
I obviously cannot speak for everyone but that look of envy from any woman is a very odd thing. Part of me pulls in the "hide-em" direction and another part pulls in the "pride of ownership" direction. I have only noticed looks from women and not from men. I guess women know what to look for. Having "assets" is a very interesting addition to our lives.
Sir, what you have said above is an understatement, 100% true but understated.

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2015, 08:26:34 PM »
I obviously cannot speak for everyone but that look of envy from any woman is a very odd thing. Part of me pulls in the "hide-em" direction and another part pulls in the "pride of ownership" direction. I have only noticed looks from women and not from men. I guess women know what to look for. Having "assets" is a very interesting addition to our lives.
Sir, what you have said above is an understatement, 100% true but understated.

I've noticed "that look" too with some women.  It is an odd feeling..

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2015, 01:44:05 PM »
I have gotten used to the idea that I have them. I wish I could wear a bra to work.
I feel like a man with a 10 inch section of woman on my chest.
I wish my wife was as supportive as my underwire.

Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2015, 05:34:22 PM »
I have gotten used to the idea that I have them. I wish I could wear a bra to work.
I feel like a man with a 10 inch section of woman on my chest.
I wish my wife was as supportive as my underwire.
Hopefully with the new line of support/concealment garments one of my Ladies is in the process of designing some of your issues will be alleviated. 

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Offline Maxx

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Re: What does acceptance mean to you?
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2015, 09:38:48 PM »
Acceptance? Hmmm...not sure I am there yet.

I have acquired a fairly large set of boobs (estimate a 44D based on measurements) from taking 200mg a day of spironolactone for 8+ years to treat an adrenal gland problem. There is one other drug, Eplerenone, but I cant seem to tolerate it. So, I have no choice but to take this for the balance of my time on earth. Surgery cant fix my gland problem, without making my life even more miserable.

I have also started on Testosterone Replacement, because the spironolactone is causing me all kinds of low T symptoms. So far, it has not triggered a noticeable growth cycle. I dont have any pain of other obvious signs of growth.

I met with a surgeon once about 6 years ago who told me that if i didnt like how i looked now, i probably wont like how i look after surgery either.

My wife is totally into them and just keeps telling me I just look like a big guy with boobs. She says it isnt that noticeable, but...if I lost a lot of weight and they didnt shrink they sure would be. Which, based on 6 mammograms now and reports saying 50-75 glandular tissue...they prob are not going to get much smaller with weight loss.

My mother died from breast cancer, so my Endo keeps having me get them checked about every 18mo's.

I would love to try wearing a bra. Mostly because I hate how they sweat and I get mid back pain that I think is coming from my boob weight. I did order one once, but it is too small around the arms. Honestly, I dont think I can bring myself to do it...yet.

I am a musician, and I am in front of a lot of people all the time. My best approach has been black tee shirts. I often wear two, and one on the outside with a print of some kind. Face on, it isnt that noticeable. But, my side profile is a whole different story. I look huge.
I have the compression T-Shirts, but they are just too hot. I dont think they work well anyway because I have a lot of underarm boob/fat. I also think that makes my cup size appear larger for bra sizing.

I have only had one person ever comment. It was a band mate who blamed my profuse sweating on stage to my huge man hooters. I just laughed it off and apologized if i was turning him on. That shut him up quickly. lol  So, obviously people see them, but havnt said much of anything to me.

Personally, I think I have totally accepted them as part of me. To be honest, I actually like them. They are very sensitive, and spice up the sex life. Part of me wants them to get even bigger. But...in public, I am still very self continuous. At some point I am going to have to choose to just be comfortable with who I am, and what I look like.

I have made one decision: I will not get surgery just to look the way other people might think i should. I have a great wife that loves all of me. I really dont want anyone shallow enough in my life that would feel otherwise. When I feel strong like that, I am tempted to just get a bra and be comfortable. I am not sure she is ready for that one though...she didnt like the idea I got the one bra very much. I think she likes the fat/guy explanation. But, that doesnt make me feel comfortable, physically.

Maybe all this means I am like 65% accepted, I dont know. I am getting by. Life is great!


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