Author Topic: Something to write , my story .........  (Read 1288 times)

Offline maybeachance

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Hi everyone..I was following the site nearly since 2 months and came here from a local forum ...First time in my life I am telling these to anyone..... I am happy I found this site but sorry too because it is very late ....I am 32 years old , living in  europe....My gyno realization  have started when I was 11....I am giving the exact year because  ( I will come that later ).....Here is my story....


At my ages 10 , I was a little fat kid . That age, I was at the 4 th grade and this  situation was not important for me even at home or at school .We were going to our beach house at summers  all together with  my relatives ...Ok, here is starting....When we wear our shorts to go to the beach, my aunts was starting to tease me with grabing my moobs and saying this , hey hey I will buy you a bra ...and then my other aunt comes at a different random time and say where is your bra ? and we were all laughing , that was funny for me too , I was laughing loud too.....So what ; I am a  little fat and this was normal, if I do a diet all would have gone and it matters only if I loose these kilos or not  .....Between ages 10 to 11 , there was a transition time which I  slowly realizing something but that was not problem again, cause I was just little fat ....Ok ,I am at my 5th  grade now...The last year of my primary school and I am 11 ...This is the exact year that gyno has started to ruin my life and I realized what I was face to face....We were at the classroom and waiting the teacher to come and that boy which was one of my friends, I started to fight with him with a reason I don't remember but one thing I remember very well was that  I was back to back thinking during the fight , what am I doing ? We are in front of the class , everyone watching and what if he tears my shirt and during the incident, I was fighting with him and at the same time was guarding my shirt not to tear of ....and teacher came, the fight finished but one thing in my mind at my 11 never finished after that incident....That was my first big realization of my moobs effect.....After that day I started to think this would be a real big problem for me .

... Oh I forgot to mention before about my cousins' teasing ...One of my cousins who is a girl and same age with me,  likes to  hug me and grab my moobs and she says that  like a song  "waves , waves , waves , where are the waves" .....Her definition for my moobs was "waves"   ::) ...... Funny thing is that she was doing this even before a couple of years which we were ages 23-24 , but she isn't doing this anymore thank god....When she was doing this  I was trying to back up but ,  too late. I must laugh to that , if I didn't laugh and piss off to her everyone would think that , are u shame from your body , you have really boobs ? I know what comes next if I don't laugh too and it is ..... What are they ,why are u upset, take that shirt off, we want to see  ..something like that ......So I never pissed off at these situations ,just tried to back of slowly .....By the way I have 3 aunts and 7 cousins , all of them living and we love each other so much and they were doing these just for fun...If they even slightly know what was the meaning of this  , they would never done again but I have never sensed to them that I was upset because of the reason I mentioned....

By the way I am not writing about regular swimming disasters , shirts that I can't wear , can't walk if the wind comes across , can't go out with friends for doing something especially at summers .....But I will write a summer holiday disaster memory to the worst gyno memory section ......

I am 15 now ...All the time I was thinking about that , what is the percent , what is the percent ?  ....Do you know that mean ...Let me explain....At my ages 15 to 18 , I was very curious about the percentage  that , there are how many people like me in the world ?  My estimations was starting with out of 100000 ,then I was asking to myself what are you doing, be realistic and the percentage goes to out of 1000000  after 10000000 and goes up  like that ..That was my years which was passing with my gyno ( at these time of course I didn't know gyno, just boobs ) estimations ....But there was a problem too ....I wasn't a transexual , I was a man except the boobs....So I was asking myself again and again ...Are you a male or woman ...What are you ..If you are  a man , what are these ...If you are a woman, I am not too.....I named myself just a freak at these years .....And listen to this stupid thinking ....That day I was talking to myself at school yard .....Ok , look at around , look at the people around , do you see any person like you around , even like half of your chest ? ....How stupid that was , they were all hiding like me if they had  gyno thing ...But I convinced myself these days that I am the one out of 10 million or more so , the possibility of being the person like me  was very little in my school, region , country .......


My years gone with these and I am 19, at the college...I remember about my college that when first time I walked into the building there was a big closed swimming pool at the right side of campus building ...I asked a person what is this building and he said to me that , oh this is the olympic swimming pool for the students of the college ...Suddenly it maked me happy because I was registering that day , but then again this happiness gone in a second ......My college years was usual, nothing special besides my conversations with my friends...After school, my conversations with my friends was starting like that ...Hey, what are we doing ...let's go there , let's make this , let's do something ..... and then comes my famous answer which my every friend knows that .....Asks me, let's do that mate come on  and here it comes my answer ;  "we will see" ...That was my regular answer, "we will see" and than they say ok we see too ....Cause, that time they all understand I will not open my phone ,it will be impossible to reach me even if they call 15 times ......I wouldn't want to go anywhere , why I want ...I would be unhappy and conscious all the time if someone looked at my chest or if I a situation occured that I would take off my shirt  (which could be a disaster ) wherever I go , whatever I do .....

I graduated , now I am 23 ....Passed 2 year ...... I am 25 and in the military now  .....Before military I was thinking not to go and escape cause what could I do in the military with these moobs....But thanks god I was sent a little military station at a small village and we were only 8  people there and nobody saw me naked ....This was a miracle but yes nobody saw me naked at the military cause the training time was only 1 month and it was not hard and then I was sent to that small station for the rest of months .....

I am 26 .....I am 27 .....I  am  28 ....I am 29 ....I am  30 ....I am  31 .....I am 32  ......... You know the meaning of these  ? ...Nothing wrote, cause nothing to write ....Empty years .......


But at the age 26  was the first time I heard the word gynocomastia ....I will tell a little about that ....Was sitting at work and there was a magazine at the table ..I started to look the pages just for nothing cause I was bored and the magazine was not interesting at all ...just turning the pages fast and then that page came ....Men's problem : gynocomastia.....What is that ...I can't believe there is a name of this .....But then I  thought so what will change , what is the difference ...I will not do anything for this ...A surgery or something like that ..No way ...Impossible ...After all these years, hey I am going an operation for my boobs ....That was out of question for me so nothing changed and I went on my  shit life .....


And present day .......I am looking for a gun for a clean  headshot ......I am thinking about this but a couple of months ago I found this site.....I am reading all the posts since year 2005 posts ......I saw a lot of things from people's life here and my mind mixed up .....Actually I still want this but then I am thinking the people's posts here  ???......

Some of they are in my mind ..... Someone says ..... Suicide,  some one says don't do go for surgery, other ;  Have an attitude ,gyno has not a brain ....But the most important two  for me were those I read. Like I wrote these but not, exactly my thoughts :  " Gyno is taking at least % 60 of my brain power every single day" , " Scars can go after an operation but what will be the mental scars after the operation? "   

During this process I made something that was impossible for me that I wrote an e-mail to a local PS about my condition I said that  I have made everyting to get rid of these like loose weight , cardios , lifting weights and didn't succeed and he answered me other day that my age 32 so that my gyno has to be glandular and gave me his clinic adress. There was a surprise because he said he moved his clinic to a new location and his given adress is 500 m close to my house ......Now I don't know what to do .....Going this 500 meter for the first time with a consultation and then a surgery....But again again I can't get rid of this thought ....

"Scars can go easily after a surgery but what will be the mental scars and how will change after 32" 


Thanks for all posts here ...... I wish good luck for all waiting the surgery and  the people of the other side ( I liked that much when I read  )  with their new life.....


 









Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=23431.0

Offline scrabble

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Gyne doesn't affect everyone, and it can seem like you are alone, especially if you are from a small city. But this site is clear evidence that we are not alone, that it is a problem that can affect everyone from all walks of life, though some more than others. I have heard stories of people becoming social pariahs - loners, and indeed I myself am afraid of connecting with anyone of the opposite sex, and in general being prohibited in social situations by not being able to dress well. But is something aesthetic worth pulling a trigger over? No. Never.

Surgery to many is like the golden key to escaping, escaping from the prison your mind forms from having gyne. After the surgery you are free: no one can say if you will happier inside, you may still hold resentment to those who bullied you or scared of connecting. But the fact is, passed the point of surgery, there should be no more aesthetic limitations [granted the surgery goes well] - everything is in your mind, and to some extent it may have always been.

However, there are more positive aspects - women may begin to notice you, and there is nothing stopping them from making the first move. Do remember that many men without gyne struggle to connect too [though for whatever other reason], and that from this there is a wealth of help available: dating websites for the introverts, self help books for dating tips...

You have made the first steps to freeing yourself, and I can only say, look for more surgeons, the more the better! Oh, and stay involved here too :P

Offline pharmerjoe

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thanks for sharing your story, you can probably guess, a lot of people have experienced things like this and have had those same feelings as yourself. I am so sick and tired of being saying I'm not confident, I'm a weakling, blah blah. Everything that is wrong in my life is as a result of having gyno, and there is no other reason. But I am now doing something about it, because I can't take it anymore. Its silly to end your life over gyno, but I have come close a few times.
Also, you mention mental scars after the operation? I don't really understand, cos if anything, you will be happy after the operation? I just look at it as, what would be the mental scars if we go for the next 10 years with gyne and not doing anything about it. Anyway, keep everyone posted on how you get on, we're all here to help.

Offline maybeachance

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Thanks for the posts  .... scrabble......... "Surgery to many is like the golden key to escaping, escaping from the prison your mind forms from having gyne" .....Pharmerjoe  ...."I just look at it as, what would be the mental scars if we go for the next 10 years with gyne and not doing anything about it"

.....I remember some of the sentences of the people's posts in this site and never forget them ...They help me a lot .....Thanks ......


 

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