Author Topic: New life but maybe too late.  (Read 2482 times)

Offline dave2314

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1
Hi,
This is the first time I have ever written about any of the issues I have had In my life and I don't really know where to start. How about I stand up and say "My name is David, I'm 31 and I have man boobies".  The funny thing is, up until a couple of days ago saying that would have been unthinkable, let alone funny to me.  I have spent nearly two decades of my life in hiding but not any more.  Anyway here's my story I hope it helps somebody to make better decisions in less time than it has taken me. 
I was always overweight as a child and was bullied at school because of it. As far as I can remember, the bullying at the time was about my weight and not about my boobs.  It did cause me to have very low self-esteem and left me with very little confidence.  I cant really remember the first time I noticed that I had a problem. I do remember always wearing a coat in school, even in the summer and being constantly forced to take it off in class.  The first real memory that sticks out (I know that I had noticed problems long before) is when I was holidaying in Thailand with my parents, I was about 14 at the time. I was walking down the road with my mother, when a stall owner, who had tried to sell us a watch, followed us for about a minute shouting "is your child a boy or a girl".  He just wouldn't let it go, I don't think he was trying to be hurtful, just trying to decide if I needed a pink watch or a blue watch lol.
After that I spent the whole of my teenage years hiding behind thick black shirts and coats, never telling anybody how I felt. My depression built up and up, don't get me wrong I had good times and some good friends but I was never the person that I wanted to be, there was always this one thing hanging over me.  
When I was about 19 I decided that enough is enough, 'I'm going to loose weight and solve all of my problems'.  I think you guys probably know how that worked out! I went from being over 20st down to about 12st in about a year and a half. My chest got much better but was still very noticeable. My confidence did improve a lot I was out leading the life of a typical lad. That's when I met her, the love of my life my future wife and mother of my children. things were great, better than great they were amazing!
Even though I was flying high on life my boobs were still there and still holding me back. I started to let my self slip I steadily put weight back and my moobs returned with a vengeance.  I fell into deep depression and again went back into hiding. The coats came back, the T shirts covered with a shirts came back.  Now I'm not at school with a teacher telling me to take my coat off, now I'm at work doing very heavy work in 40 degree temperatures. My colleagues constantly asking "are you not hot with that on?", "I'm Fine" I say with sweat dripping off my nose.  I spend the winter dreading summer and the summer longing for winter. 
I find am controlling everything in my life where I go, who I meet What I can and can't do.  Worse than that I'm controlling everything In my wife's life too.  The only person who I have ever told and who has supported me no matter what is being hurt by the very person who she is helping. Over the years I get more and more depressed, not that anyone on the outside would see. I have had years of practice hiding my feelings and I hide them well, through fear of somebody finding out what the problem is.  I constantly argue with my wife, I take all of my problems out on her. I blame her for every problem in our life and I blame her for things that aren't really problems at all.  I become unbearable to live with. We nearly break up a number of times and its always me who says we need to break up. Can you believe that, me breaking up with her, when all she has done is support me and all I have done is abuse her.  Every time we go to that point I always thought I was justified in what I was saying and believed it was her fault. 
Last week after coming back from a shitty holiday, she told me she wanted to leave me and she meant it. She told me I was a controlling and abusive husband and she wouldn't take it anymore. She told me that I had made her unhappy for years.  I cried and sobbed and told her that I needed her, I loved and that I could change.  She didn't believe me though and said she had heard it all before.  I started to think about how I could get her back and that's when it hit me, she's right!  I am controlling and I am abusive and it is my problem.  Like a fog lifting for the first time I could see that my boobs had turned me into a horrible, abusive control freak.  A man that takes his issues and pushes them onto the ones he loves.  Never again will I do that to anybody.
So where am I now?  Yesterday I went and confessed all to my parents the unhappiness the abuse the control issue the BOOBS!!  They didn't believe that I could be like that and they said they always new something was wrong but not what.  Today I went to the doctor he confirmed what I already knew and is writing to a private plastic surgeon on my behalf. so step one is done, it all feels so silly now all these years of suffering for something that was so simple.  Gynecomastia has robbed me of my life and is about to rob me of my family.  My wife and I are talking but I have a lot to prove and a life time of making up to do.  At the moment I believe she still wants to leave.  I hope I can show her I can be a happy normal person and show her how much I love her. I will spend the rest to my life being the type person she needed whether she decides to stay or not. this is my new life starting today and I just hope she decides she wants to be part of it. 
A massive weight has been lifted already even after just one appointment.  If you are suffering then go get help before you end up like me.  It really is easier than you think,  Don't let yourself be ruined by this, I could loose everything I hold dear and for what? a 10 minute appointment with a doctor who has seen it all before. I feel pretty stupid today, Just do it!
I think this site should have some sort of donation page.  Like the ones where rich men pay for women to have boob jobs but in reverse.  I'm lucky enough to be able to afford surgery but I'm sure many are not.  I would donate a few quid every now and again to rid somebody of this. Just a thought.
David

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=31093.0

hammer

  • Guest
David, I'm sorry that the breast were so hard on you and I pray that you can save your marriage! Some men can deal with this much better then others I guess and I thank God that I'm One of them as I have grown to a 46H due to health issues, that to me are much more important than having breast.

Be honest with your wife and show her the man that you can be. Make her your priority now that you know your plan's  with the gyne, and good luck!

God bless
Bob

Offline nobug

  • Posting Member
  • *
  • Posts: 27
Hello, I know its old topic, but I have to say good luck to you David. I feel with you and your story made me very sad. I wish you the best with surgery and with your wife. I advice you not deal with problems until surgery done. Talk to her after surgery and explain everything.
I would love to know how are you now.

Offline colin178

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Thanks for sharing your story David. Hope all goes well with the surgery and good luck in the future.

Offline Jgunzz

  • Posting Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19
Don't lose your wife due to your own problems. I would advise seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor to get deeper into your psyche. Do more than ever for your wife. Buy her flowers, deliver chocolates to her work. The little things are the things that matter. Try to go above and beyond to show her that you appreciate and love her. I know how it feels to lose a loved one, and it is very painful. 


 

SMFPacks CMS 1.0.3 © 2020