Author Topic: My story  (Read 1289 times)

Offline Fischboob

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First off I would like to say thank you for a site like this.  I just stubbled upon it the other day, altough I may have seen it in the years past during my searches.  I am 28 and have been suffering with this for almost as long as I can remember...Reading through the "worst gyne movements" has almost brought me to tears because for my entire life I have been dealing with this.  My first memory of ever knowing something was wrong I think I must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade and I was was at the community pool, a girl who I will never forget her name told me I needed to wear a bra and from that moment on my life has been hell dealing with this.  I began to wear a shirt in the pool and of course people made fun of me...I was tough.  I was a chubby kid and I remember trying to tell my mom about my problem, which is IMPOSSIBLe to miss and she just said I need to stop eating junk and exercise.  I was the type of kid that was outside when ever possible, I was never in the house playing video games.  In middle school changing in the looker room was horrible.  I would try and be one of the first ones in there so I could change before anyone else.  That only worked for so long so I developed this thing where I would put my gym shirt over my school shirt and then take the one of and pull it out the neck hole.  Luckily the guys in my row never said anything and actually one of the nicest guys was huge muscle wise and he was always nice to me and never said anything about it.  For a while I would always wear a windbreaker in class, all day everyday...I got asked about it by kids and teachers. It sucked.  Everyday was/is a struggle when getting dressed.  I began layering my shirts, now I am up to 3 layers and it sucks.  High school was a little better for me but no mentally.  I have a pretty bad case compared to a lot of you.  Not mine don't hang or have puffy nips but I have large breast, I wold say a healthy b or C cup, hurts to admit!  Mean while my mom said I would grow out of it or I needed to exercise more.  Though about killing myself, mutilation, etc just to get rid of them.  In high school I actually attracted a good bit of attention from the girls.  A had some good looking girl friends in high school but it never went all the way because I was so scared they would see me!  Sucked, couple of rumors went around that I was gay because these girls wanted to get with me but I would break up with them, etc.  It was miserable.  This happend with about 5 or 6 different girls.  I started dating a girl when I was 17 who turns out I am married to now, but it is still a huge stress till this very day.  She had a pool at the time and she always want me to go swimming, When I did I made sure I would cause a distraction, take off my shirt and jump into the water...not like she didn;t know what I was doing but at least in my mind I tought it did.  During this time there was a time when I was talking to one of her good friend online and I commented that we didn;t have a lot of action anymore and she told me that she said if i would loose some weight I would get more.  That really hurt!  I began to do a lot of research when I was around 22 or 23 and found out about the surgery.  I told my mom how unhappy I was and I made an appointment to see a PS.  My mom went with me and I saw the doc and all, they quoted me around $4,500 which my mom said she would split with me.  Unfourtunitly my job was phyically demanding and I couldn't take that much time off to heal and everything.  I was a really good job especiually for someone in their early 20's.  I regret not getting it then.  I wouldn't say I am super fat, but I have put on some wieght since then.  i am 5'8 and around 185lbs currently.  Sex with my wife could be better, due to the fact i always wear a black "wifebeater" while we are in bed.  It definitly takes a tolls we only do it certain ways because I don't want her seeing me.  Although we have two kids it could be a lot better.  I don;t get undressed around her, I lock the door on the bathroom when I am in the shower, and bring my clothes in there with me.  I feel so trapped.  Around August of this year I got down to around 160-165 lbs and I can say it got a little better but no where close to even looking half way normal, I really do have it bad compared to a lot of the guys that claim they have it. 

So fast forward to right this moment, I told my wife yesterday that I wanted to get the surgery, through text messages of course.  I have a really hard time talking about it, even to her.  She is ok with it, saying whatever makes me happy...but she still doesn't understand the complexity of the issue, maybe once I get it done I will be able to sit down with her and really explain the mental torment that I have been dealing with for the past 20 years of my life.  It has really held me back from a lot of things.  So right now my focus is to loose at least 20lbs before I go for another consult.  Exercise is tough for me right now as I work full time, my wife workds full time although she works at night as a nurse, plus I have two kids to take care of, and I decided to go back to school and finish my degree, which I am only 5 classes away.  So i have a lot on my plate but I am going to try and do my best.  Our second child is only a few months old so she requires a ton of attention and my wife goes back to work next week.  My diet has been cut to about 1000 calories a day which is pretty easy for me to maintain. 
Money is another issue, we have the cash in saving and could swing payments if I decide to finance but i feel selfish for spending cash like that.  I don;t want to seem vain.  Maybe if I get enought courage I may post a few pics but its bad right now especially with the extra weight I am carrying.  I can't believe I have written a small book for my personal story but there just seems like so much i need to say that I have had bottled up for the past 20 years.  by the way I have an underarmour shirt on under a white T shirt and a dress shirt on top of that.  I am so tired of doing this.  I know people notice, plus my love handles are pretty bad right now. bulging around my waist with a tucked in shirt.  I am looking to get the surgery done in the middle of Feb.  I am hoping with tax refunds I can do it without denting the normal income money. 
I biggest regret was listening to people telling me that it would go away with diet and exercise, IT DOESN'T, at my lightest I was 155lbs and it was still very bad, anyone out there that is younger than I I would encourage them to get the surgery.  For me I can not even imagine a final result with a semi normal looking chest, even if it looked like crap and was flat I would take that, atleast I would feel good with clothes on!  I just can't wait to have this fixed.  This has been the biggest curse for me, I just need to focus on loosing this weight now...Thanks for listening 

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=24478.0

Offline Fischboob

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btw-I think that not knowing that you can't fix this with diet and exersize has put me in an even worst position.  Everytime I would loose weight be still have these HUGE breast( and I am not lying)it would put me further into depression.  I feel I am really good at hidding it as a am a pretty go-with-the-flow kind of guy but deep inside I am miserable.  I cannot even focus here at work because all I want is to get the surgery!

Offline Viking75

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Hi!
Welcome! What can I say? I have read so many storys like yours and It still gets to me! I hope you can save up and get the surgery done.
On this forum you will find many friends and you can find out just about everything about how to deal with your gyno problem.

Offline morpheus11

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thanks for sharing your story.  I think we've all been through that at some point.  hopefully, you can get your surgery soon, and just get on with living your life. I'm sure you'll be happy you did.

regarding the exercise bit, i hear ya.  i've gone down that road several times.

Offline Fischboob

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Thanks for the support fellas..no pun intended.  I am sure my story is pretty much the staple as far as we go.  There is little that upsets me in life, I consider myself a pretty strong person but this is one thing that if someone wanted to hurt me, they could.  I was talking to my wife last night, and the funny thing is she asked me "why all of the sudden does this bother you so much"...I just said you have no idea!  This has been the largest torment in my life.  I remembering trying to pray to god when I was a kid saying I would do anything if I could wake up and they be gone.  Played the lottery hoping to hit so I could have this done the next day...funny what my priorities would be if I was rich...lol.  I told her that I hope one day I could actually talk abou it with her....but I am afraid I would turn into a blubbering mess...maybe after I get it corrected...she still doesn't understand and probably never will.  I am glad there are other people that understand how hard it is to live with this. 


 

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