Author Topic: My life is a never ending loop of depression...  (Read 5052 times)

Offline Jackd

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I've had gyne since I was about 12/13. Life has pretty much sucked ever since, I can't commit to anything I want to do, I can't go do the sports I want to do, I barely even go out. Everything I do and everywhere I go I worry about what I wear, how I look and even then I am still so self-conscious. I stupidly changed jobs and now work on sites, what a mistake?!? Hot summers in a jumper with everyone taking the piss?? Great idea  ::) Feel like I can't put my all into work and now I've become to dread going to work and spend half the time thinking of quitting, which ultimately I don't want to do.

It's like a never ending loop. I am depressed because I can't do the things I want to do. I have had insomnia since a young age, which makes things worse because not only do I have no confidence, but I'm also always knackered and very snappy.

Gyne isn't the only problem I have, which I don't want to go too much into, but it's one of the main things that holds me back in life, I am now almost 22 and feel I have completely missed out on what a "normal" person would have done by this age. I won't go on holiday, despite wanting to go touring and do fun things, won't even go to the beach, barely go out to be honest! which means I don't have many friends and don't have a girlfriend. Which makes people at work think I'm gay, so not only do they take the piss about wearing a jumper in the middle of a heatwave, but I also get them telling people I'm gay??  ???

I feel that everyone is looking and laughing at me for some reason or another. Everyone at work, on sites, when I go out. Sometimes going to a shop I lose my confidence completely and start sweating badly and I can't think what to say properly and just want to get out ASAP. Other times I just want to punch someone/something/smash something up.

I have yet to see a doctor about any of this, I did go to see my GP with regard to the insomnia, was prescribed temazepan but that did sweet FA! It's getting hotter and hotter by the day, I am dreading going back to work tomorow, my sleep has gotten really bad the last few nights and I'm just not looking forward to this summer at all. I think I am depressed, but don't know what good going to a doctor would do, as I don't want pills, don't need counselling and time off work isn't going to be too viable when you work for family..

Everything has made me pretty lazy and apathetic, or just pathetic maybe. I joined a gym to get fit, but I don't go as much as I should do. The sport that I do, (which I don't want to say, as its a small community just on the off-chance someone would know me) I could do SO much better if I wasn't restricted in this way. My sport is mostly summer based, which meant last year I gave up for the summer and tried to make do with the winter, this year I don't want that to happen as I've seen everyone else get so much better than me.

No one knows about my problems, which is kinda why I'm posting here, even if no one replies at least I've told someone, won't make a great deal of difference I guess but this forum has opened my eyes a bit to gynecomastia in general and the surgery options available. I have also bought some G2Compression vests in the hope that I can at least wear my shirt this summer with a little bit of confidence.

I am putting some money aside each week towards surgery, but it will be next year at the earliest I'd imagine, by which time I worry if I'll still be at work.. Part of me just wants to get a night job at a desk so I don't have to see many people. But that'd be throwing my whole career away.

I am not getting any younger, and there is so much I want to do but I feel time is running out.

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=9941.0

Offline mtl99

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I know how you feel, I went through that for so long. I'm now in my thirties, had my op last year, and I feel 1000% better. I'm no Adonis, but I don't worry about my chest any longer;  I don't worry about the wind pushing against my t-shirt;  I don't worry about every single shirt I have. I'm still pudgy, but I'm going to the gym for that (at least it's under my control). My advice is save up for your op, and in the meantime, try underarmour compression vests, they work quite well. The most important thing is that THERE IS a way out of this, just be patient.

Good luck man.

Offline weareinittogether

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What kind of gyne do you suffer from? are you overweight? What country are you from?

Offline Jackd

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I am overweight a little bit, but not excessively. I'd rate my gyne as a 7, they aren't massive as such but compared to my body size they make wearing a t-shirt impossible. I am from the UK. Have been considering going to Poland for the surgery, but first things first I need to save up. My BMI is 26.5 which puts me just in the overweight section.. "ideal" tops out at 25 though so I'm not tooo bad. Thing is, I have a small body frame so the weight is held really out of proportion which makes me more self concious than if I was just "fat"..

Sleep has got real bad now, barely got any last night, wondering if it's going to keep getting worse now that I'm worrying about things mroe and more.


Offline wildman

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Keep in mind that you are not alone in this type of struggle.  Everyone has challenges in life.  Part of what makes life great is conquering your challenges. 

Start with your sleep.  Exercise, meds, a hot bath, herbal tea, whatever it takes.  It will be worth it and you will feel better.

I know how you feel about work.  I have the same problem about people calling you gay.  Most of these people are morons anyway.  Go to Underworks and get the v-neck compression undershirt (#979).  It isn't hot and looks like a regular undershirt.  This will get you through until you can get surgery.  But you need to promise yourself that you will get surgery.  Knowing that you will get surgery will help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep your job.  If you quit you will have to get another one anyway and you will probably be in the same situation only with a different set of morons and a slightly different odor to the BS.  Try to get your job back where you aren't on site.

The good news is that all of the problems you described CAN be remedied!  You have a lot of life ahead of you and will no doubt face more challenges.  Learn to conquer them while you are young and the benefits of your courage will be incalculable.

Keep your chin up and fight. ;)

Offline Jackd

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thanks for the advice, really appreciate it, been finding it quite hard this past week and feel like im getting too close to really having a go at someone at work, I am now having real problems meeting new people.. I went out today and knew I'd be meeting a load of new people that I know from a club but haven't met yet, before I even got out my car I was shaking like mad. Had to go back and get a drink to try and calm down, don't know what that was all about but its happened twice in the past week.

I've started putting £25 a week into savings for surgery and I'm going to make sure I don't spend it, its not much ££ but I get a pay rise early next year so I can put more away then.

I've ordered some G2Compression vests and can't wait for them to turn up.. fortunately its gotten a bit cold and wet lately, just hope it holds up for a while longer!

Offline boobs-no-more

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I saw a documentary on GMTV the other day, im pretty sure the doctor said you can get surgery on the NHS now :)

Offline Jackd

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I nearly threw meself off a 4 story roof today, glad I didn't though.

I've booked a dr's appointment for tomorow, not for the gyne, but to look into some other problems, and I was supirsed to see my G2Comp vests at home waiting for me already.

First impressions are that it looks just like a vest and isn't going to do much.. then I realise its so damn tight and I struggled to even get it on, maybe I ordered a size too small I don't know but I eventually squeezed into it.. (altho not sure if I'll be able to get it off again?  ;D)

It felt horrible and tight to start with but its getting a bit comfier now .

I'm not really sure how much of an improvement there is, not sure I'll be going to work in a tshirt on monday.. but I look a bit better in the jumper at least.

I'll try and take some pictures later tonight with and without it in a tshirt and you guys let me know what you think.

Offline Grandpa Bambu

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  • 31 Year Gynecomastia Victim...
I ordered a compression vest (Underworks #974 Medium) after my surgery just to see what they are like... I found (like you) that it was very small. I thought that there would be no way to get this thing on. I struggled to get it on, not much easier to get it off either. However, once on, it felt very comfortable. A size larger might have been easier to get on and off, however, it may not have given 'enough' compression...

Geeze, now I know how a woman feels trying to put a girdle on...    ;D :P ;D

GB
Surgery: February 16, 2005. - Toronto, Ontario Canada.
Surgeon: Dr. John Craig Fielding   M.D.   F.R.C.S. (C) (416.766.8890)
Pre-Op/Post-Op Pics

Offline Jackd

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Not a great pic but does it still look badly noticeable? In some lights I think it looks fine, others its still pretty noticeable. looks okay from the front though. I don't feel entirely comfortable, but its definetly an improvement.


Offline Jackd

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Do you have other pics? I don't see any gyne in that one.

Thats with a G2 Compression vest on, really really tight vest too  :o

I might take pictures without later on. Trust me its a lot worse though.

Offline Jackd

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After yesterday I couldn't face work today, so I called in sick and instead of moping around feeling sorry for meself, I forced myself down to the doctors and got the ball rolling. Had blood tests so gotta go back in 2 weeks for the results.

Offline wildman

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Calling in sick is a good idea if work is bothering you.  If I were you I would use up some vacation time and call in sick every now and then.    If you say you are having back spasms it usually works pretty well.  Also, try to leave work early/come in late some days due to doctors appointments, family emergencies (sibling was in a bad car wreck?) and such.  Leaving early once every couple of weeks probably won't get noticed much.  The important thing about this is to act like you are unhappy or upset about the illness/event.  Like you are just trying to do a good job and these illnesses keep getting in the way.  Be careful and don't get fired though.  It sounds like spending as much time away from work as possible would do you a lot of good.

Also that shaking before meeting new people sounds like some type of anxiety to me.  You should tell your Dr. about it.  He can prescribe you something to just take the edge off without leaving you feeling zoncked out.

Offline gabbyhey

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Hey dude, I hear exactly what you're saying in your posts.  I think the compression vest looks good!  Use that for now, it'll make life a lot easier.  Good luck!

Offline Jackd

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I've just put off my holiday plans for another year running  :'(

Going back to docs in 1.5 weeks time (he's on holiday this week) so will update on my blood test results soon.



 

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