Author Topic: My first step in finally dealing with this....  (Read 4670 times)

Offline TiredofIt

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I've been lurking here for a few weeks. A week or so ago I finally found the nerve, after repeated attempts, to have "the conversation" with my wife. I attribute that strength to finally seeing, via this board, just how much company I have in this struggle. This post is my first step in getting rid of this problem.

I'm 34 and I've been dealing with this condition since I was 12 or so. At least that's the first time I realized something was wrong with my chest. I grew up with a lot of the same worries that others here have expressed, though mine weren't nearly as crippling in my teenage years. I stayed fit and had tons of friends, and with the exception of four mild instances that are carved into my memory, nobody ever said anything to me. I was never teased about anything, let alone this condition. I was never afraid of girls -- just very careful around them. In that way, I was luckier than many of you may have been.

But pain and suffering are relative, and it's been horrible for me. I've avoided the shirtless activities, worn the double t-shirts, hunched over so my clothing would hang ... I've read it all here on other posts. I've tried to address it with exercise, which, after doing research, I've come to learn is futile. (I've pretty clearly got a mainly glandular problem.) Those futile attempts contributed to me giving up the exercise, and now I pretty much look the worst I've ever looked. I shudder to think what I'll look like in 10, 15, 20 years if I don't do something about this.

This makes me feel humiliated in front of my wife (who has been her typical ultra-supportive self since I brought it up). I hate the way I feel forced to dress. I hate the way I walk, the way I stand, the way I sit at my desk. It's been consuming my thoughts more and more as the days pass.

This made me afraid to have a son for fear that he would have to go through this too and would somehow blame me, or at the very least would see me as he grows and perhaps feel a sense of shame. Now that I have a son, I think about it even more. I don't know how much of a role heredity plays in this condition, but I hope he is spared.

As for me -- I've finally decided that I'm just going to have a plastic surgeon try to fix them. I have no idea why I waited so long. I didn't even consider plastic surgery an option until recently. Maybe I was just in the grip of it -- I don't know.

Now I just need to figure out who. I'm not rich, but I can handle this surgery, so I've decided to see the best surgeon I can find. I live in the east, and I'm centrally located between - and Dr. Bermant. They're both between 5.5 and 6.5 hours away via car, so I'm hoping to do initial consultations with each over e-mail to get a feel for who I'm most comfortable with.

I think my expectations are realistic: I want to be able to wear clothes that fit me and to stand up straight. I don't know for sure that I'll feel comfortable going shirtless. I hope I do, but I don't expect to. I just want to carry myself like a freaking man.

I'm not sure how soon this will happen, but I knew that I wouldn't even begin the process until I posted my intent here. My next step is to contact the surgeons. Wish me luck.

« Last Edit: September 16, 2008, 06:15:16 AM by cleanup »

Offline desi

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Formerly, 'Fattgayee', as in 'Torn Apart' or more so 'I am Screwed' :)

Offline Mr_Nip

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  • Had expensive surgery... Now I'm flat busted!
You've got support here, my friend.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.  :)

I come from nowhere
And you should go there.
Just try it for a while.
The people from nowhere always smile.  -  Frank Zappa

Offline TiredofIt

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Offline Done_n_dusted

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I second Mr_Nip. I live in the UK and had the op just over 3 weeks ago. I've been blighted with this since I was about 7, I guess at that age it was probably "puppy fat" - even though I've never been fat - and later in life it was clearly glandular. Like you my wish is simply to be able to wear normal clothes and not look like a walking sack all the time. After 6 years of marriage I finally told my wife and she's supported me through the whole process, even though I've got a long way to go before I recover from the surgery I'm already wearing tight clothes, this is something I've never done. I've "developed" (nothing's changed apart from my chest!) a trim figure now I wear decent clothes and my wife's commented on it several times - which is nice.

In summary, have the op, have realistic expectations about the outcome and get on with enjoying the rest of your life. It's already changed mine after just a few weeks.

Best of luck dude.
Levick'd and Happy Nov 2006

Offline TiredofIt

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Offline gabbyhey

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Way on taking the first step.  I swear that my first conversation about it was the hardest thing about this whole ordeal.  It takes a while before you want to accept that you've got gyne, doesn't it?  I remember seeing a documentary on A&E that was called, "Men with Breasts".  I just happened to run across it one day.  I was watching it, and then I said, "well I don't have it, I can lose it on my own."  Haha, right.  So good job coming to grips with it. 

About your son, and whether or not it is hereditary...  As far as I know, there is no proof on this.  But, from my experience and other guy's experiences on here, I would say that it has to play a part in it.  My Dad had gyne, my Grandpa and Uncle on my Mother's side have gyne.  My dad developed gyne at the same point in his life that I did.  (Both were 13).  Don't make the mistake that my parents did.  My dad knew all about gynecomastia and had a "botched" surgery when he was in his 30's.  (that was almost 20 years ago, methods have much improved).  I wish that my father had talked to me about it.  He didn't want to bring it up to me, because he didn't think it was a problem.  So, secretly I lived with this pain for 10 years.  So now, I'm 23 and just had the surgery done.  I would start saving up for your son's surgery as well, just as a precaution.  And if he doesn't get it, you can go on a nice vacation with that cash.  Win win situation.  Good luck!  I'll keep reading your posts.


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