Author Topic: How has this condition effected your sex life?  (Read 32338 times)

Offline There_Is_Hope

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Honestly, I've never talked to anyone about this but what better place to start.

During grade 9 and the begining of grade 10, I would hook up with girls like it was nothing. No big deal. Then, I kid you not, between grade 10 and the 2nd year of university I did not do anything with a single girl, not even kiss. I had to make out with a girl a few months ago just to see if I remembered how to do so.

I didn't mind not being sexually active as a senior in high-school, but it wasn't until going away to university that it REALLY bothered me.

If most of you have experienced the residence university experience, you know that girls are down for whatever, whenever. And I couldn't take part of any of it. It sucks because I'm a good looking guy, with a good personality so most girls who meet me end up liking me. When I'm talking to my boys, we always would make bets about who could screw who by what date, etc, and I would always participate because I knew that I had prospects but I would be so caught up in the moment that I wouldn't realize that I'm not able to actually go through with the act. By the end of my first year, most people thought I was gay. I flat out shut 5 girls down..."Sorry, I'm tired"...But even that didn't bother me.

I have this idea of my perfect girl. She has dark complexion, black hair, blue eyes, big ass, and most importantly, beautiful.

A girl I knew had this friend who fit the aforementioned description. She was good enough to be a model. She was one of those girls that when you see her with a guy you just look at the guy and ask yourself, what does he have that I don't...a true heartbreaker. The first time I saw her, my jaw dropped. My jaw dropped even further when I found out that she wanted to meet me for whatever reason as she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years and presumably wanted to get some (I was 18, her ex was 23 so you could understand why I was caught off-guard). You don't know how akward it is being in a room with the girl of your dreams who apperenlty likes you, and not being able to make a move or anything.

Screw not being able to go to the beach, screw not being able to wear fitted clothes when you go out at night, screw all of that. Not being able to do anything with that girl was gynecomastia's biggest defeat over me.

It's been a year since that encounter, and I still think about the girl to this very day.

I'm 19, and I'm a virgin. The number of girls I've had to shut down, well I don't have enough fingers to count (and trust me I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to explain how pathetic I am). I'm lucky because in grade 10 there was a rumor that I screwed this one girl, and to be honest I never denied it. People still had their doubts. A few months ago I picked a girl up from a club (friends saw me leave with her)...we went to my place, chilled, and then she bounced. My friends assumed that I did her, and once again I didn't deny it. To everyone but me, I'm no longer a virgin...I'm not so much ashamed that I'm a virgin (seeing as the circumstances basically force me to be so), rather I'm ashamed that my friends can't know why this is.

I should be having my surgery towards the end of May, and I have no doubts that once the vest is off, I'll probably lose the V within a week. SO frustrating though.

When you read this post, please don't mistake this as my way to brag about all the girls I could have had, and please don't mistake this as a nieve teenagers post. This is just my way to vent, seeing as there is no one in the whole-wide world that I can talk to about this.

Thanks!

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=1148.0

Offline Spleen

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Quote
You don't know how akward it is being in a room with the girl of your dreams who apperenlty likes you, and not being able to make a move or anything.

Screw not being able to go to the beach, screw not being able to wear fitted clothes when you go out at night, screw all of that. Not being able to do anything with that girl was gynecomastia's biggest defeat over me.


Here's the thing though, gynecomastia is not an entity, it has no power.  You didn't make a move because of your inability to be confident (or just yourself) in spite of your chest.  You're gonna get surgery which may just solve the problem outright, but once the boobs are gone what will be the next thing in life that holds mysterious power over your behavior?

I'm not writing any of this as a put-down, but as a challenge.  You can't let fear get in the way of progress.  There's no silver bullet, no magic pill, no secret technique to conquering your fear.  You just have to decide to move forward in spite of what you worry might happen (rejection, an insult, etc.) to get to what you want.  The reality is women really don't care (at least women of substance) and I say this as a 36 year old who's been around the block a couple times.  In fact, no one really cares about your chest or will bother to mention it unless they are a comple a$$hole, and it's not wise to give much weight to what a$$holes have to say.  I've said this a few times here: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Now go get laid...
« Last Edit: April 15, 2005, 05:43:48 AM by Spleen »

Offline doddy

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  • 06/04/2005.
Hey mate, interesting post.

I agree with Spleen to a certain extent, but I personally can't act on his advice. I'm 18, not a virgin, but my sex life has most defnitely suffered due to gyne. I guess it's just harder around our age..

Anyway, a bit over a week ago, I had the op. The next time I'm with a girl, I'll have no qualms with getting butt-naked and doing the deed.. my point?

If you can, get the op. And before you say you can't - YOU CAN. Maybe not next week, but in good time at least.

Good luck, and if you can't get over it psychologically like Spleen suggests (hell, I couldn't) - prepare for a whole different ball game post op.
etc.

Offline boobhater22

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I have had sexual relations before, and I probably have worse gyne than most of you--not to brag. ::) But I have not done a single thing in the last year and a half--not because I haven't had a chance, but just because I don't like the idea of just hooking up for the sake of hooking up. I guess I would rather wait for a serious relationship, which is harder to come by because I am gay and do not live in a big city like Chicago.

I guess I like celibacy. I think it's kind of cool. And I get my urges out through masturbation...so i don't suffer that much.

Offline donescobar2000

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Well it has not affected my sex life really.  The only thing with me is I dont take off my shirt when I do the do.  It sucks though. :-/

Offline Breastzilla

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same here i leave my shirt on  :-X

Offline I-Hate-Gyno

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  • I am getting PEC's one day
    I always wear a wife-beater, therefore; I am showing more skin. Have fun and protect yourself; like you said those college girls get around bro.

 I-H-G
$1000 saved
$4500 needed for "freedom!"(vaio mb.).

Offline doddy

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  • 06/04/2005.
What do all your t-shirt-wearing-shaggers do when/if the girl tries to take it off?

Offline boobhater22

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You could always say you have a little flab there and are too embarassed...that you will let her see yourself when the flab is gone, because you want to be perfect for her.

And just be forceful about it. She'll get the point most likely.

Alex18

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Offline Spleen

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You could always say you have a little flab there and are too embarassed...that you will let her see yourself when the flab is gone, because you want to be perfect for her.

And just be forceful about it. She'll get the point most likely.


Yeah, she'll figure out that you're neurotic, lol.  I asked my wife and her girlfriend about this and they said they'd rather have the shirt off, boobs and all.  They thought keeping a shirt on was weird.  Just FYI.

Offline There_Is_Hope

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I would do the shirt/undershirt thing but my gyne is in my nipples. I have puffy nipples. They look retarded. The rest of my body is normal...I'm actually starting to bulk up. I have these rather hard pecs, and these stupid fat nipples.

If I showed you guys pictures of me in a beater, you wouldn't think I have gyne. Damn nipples.

Offline Grandpa Bambu

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Quote


Here's the thing though, gynecomastia is not an entity, it has no power.  You didn't make a move because of your inability to be confident (or just yourself) in spite of your chest.  You're gonna get surgery which may just solve the problem outright, but once the boobs are gone what will be the next thing in life that holds mysterious power over your behavior?

I'm not writing any of this as a put-down, but as a challenge.  You can't let fear get in the way of progress.  There's no silver bullet, no magic pill, no secret technique to conquering your fear.  You just have to decide to move forward in spite of what you worry might happen (rejection, an insult, etc.) to get to what you want.  The reality is women really don't care (at least women of substance) and I say this as a 36 year old who's been around the block a couple times.  In fact, no one really cares about your chest or will bother to mention it unless they are a comple a$$hole, and it's not wise to give much weight to what a$$holes have to say.  I've said this a few times here: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Now go get laid...

Once again, Spleen delivers awesome advice.  ;)

Yes it's true, many women don't care if you have Gyne. My Wife told me (Pre-Op) that my chest was okay. However, she supported my decision to have the Gyne surgically removed.

Like Spleen said, "The reality is, women really don't care (at least women of substance)". Very, very true! For the girls/women that have a problem with you, give them the boot and move on to the next...   There's plenty of 'em out there.... ;)

John.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2005, 04:48:16 PM by Bambu »
Surgery: February 16, 2005. - Toronto, Ontario Canada.
Surgeon: Dr. John Craig Fielding   M.D.   F.R.C.S. (C) (416.766.8890)
Pre-Op/Post-Op Pics

Offline There_Is_Hope

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I'm sorry but no matter how much you guys say girls don't care, I will always feel that they do. And plus, it's not an issue of them caring, it's an issue of me caring. How can I be comfortable with another person if I'm not even comfortable with myself?

Regardless, I should be free of gyne in 2 months.

Offline tonysoprano

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I'm sorry but no matter how much you guys say girls don't care, I will always feel that they do. And plus, it's not an issue of them caring, it's an issue of me caring. How can I be comfortable with another person if I'm not even comfortable with myself?

Regardless, I should be free of gyne in 2 months.



Agreed. If you can't accept yourself and are disgusted just looking at yourself in the mirror topless, then it really doesnt matter what anyone elses point of view on your gyne really is.

plus objectively,I think it is a lot worse for young single blokes with gyne then it is for the married/family men out there, where gyne or no gyne, the opportunities and possibilities of meeting new people,sexual activity and intimacy remain the same (although such situations can be made significantly more comfortable sans gyne)

I am 25  and every week just about I find myself quelling the advances of women in all sorts of places and situations and creating bullshit lies to colleagues and to friends about why I was "not interested" in one girl or another.

Luckily I got a fair share of sexual activity before my gyne really developed.

Anyway , I am 3+weeks post-op now and in a aNOTHER month or two (as things heal up a bit) I'm gonna slowly edge myself back into the game, after a 6 yeaR ABSENCE

... and the saga continues


 

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