Author Topic: A different perspective than most  (Read 6263 times)

Offline ItsOK

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Let me begin by emphasizing that I respect everyone's feelings and opinions, and that I understand how gyne can be devastating, especially to a young man, and even moreso when added to the stress of going through puberty.  My story is different than most of the ones I've read here and I'm telling it to try to provide a different perspective, not to impose that perspective on anyone else.

I took a summer job in college that affected my life in ways that I would never have imagined.  I had a friend at a drug manufacturing plant who got me on at what was supposed to have been a rotating assignment on the line taking the place of people who were on vacation.  As it turned out, I ended up taking the slot of someone who was gone for the entire summer, working the same job for three months.  This was back in the 70s when the standards for workplace conditions were not quite what they are today.

Apparently my body is more sensitive to hormones than the average person.  I noticed my breasts were starting to develop towards the end of the summer.  Since we were operating in a clean environment with clean suits on, this body change wasn't noticed by anyone else.  I was living by myself, taking classes and working, so I didn't have much social life at the time.

The summer over, I went back to school full time and my schedule "improved" to just the typical college bedlam.  It was at this point that a new girlfriend pointed out to me that my breasts were as big as hers.  While I had noticed the change, it came on gradually enough that I had just chaulked it up to the weight I was gaining being back in school.  I think that there was a certain amount of ratiionalizing going on, too.  Or active ignoring.  At any rate, this particular girl was pretty open minded and able to accept a guy with breasts.

Looking back at it now, I suspect that this was one of those turning points in your life that happen without you realizing it at the time.  If this girl or my other friends had given me a hard time about having "man boobs", I expect that my attitude would be much different today.  Another big difference is that I didn't go through puberty and school having to live with being different.  I have never been big into beach and swim stuff, and I am not one of those guys who spends hours every week building a body that's perfect.  That's not to say that I don't take care of my body, but I'm not into the buff scene.

I dated some in college, and there were girls who were turned off by my chest and others who were either unconcerned or actually positive.  I never really paid that much attention to it.  I wore loose fitting clothes by choice, and the job that I got out of college demanded that I wear a suit and jacket, so mostly the gyne was not a huge deal.

I got married and had two kids, pretty much following The Great American Life Plan of the 70s and 80s.  Then I realized that I had lived my life based on the expectations of other people, and I got divorced and went my own way.

I wonder what my attitude would be if I were a teenager.  From my current perspective, I see surgery as a high-risk low-reward alternative.  There are a lot of horror stories on this site, but there are a lot of success stories too.  I would sure want to have plenty of positive recommendations on any surgeon that I chose.

So, bottom line, I have breasts and while I don't flaunt them, I don't go to great lengths to hide them.  I don't wear thin white t-shirts, and I seldom remove my shirt in public places.  This is not a big lifestyle change for me.  I have girlfriends who enjoy my breasts; if they don't then that's fine but it's their problem, not mine.

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=2510.0
« Last Edit: July 31, 2005, 03:09:05 AM by ItsOK »

Gine2D

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Welcome to the keep'em club.  It is a small exclusive club of non-conformists.

That bra looks nice,  sort of like a lightweight sports bra.  What is it called & who makes it?

G

Offline ItsOK

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Welcome to the keep'em club.  It is a small exclusive club of non-conformists.

That bra looks nice,  sort of like a lightweight sports bra.  What is it called & who makes it?

G


Thanks for the welcome.  I like your perspective.

It's labelled as an "everyday bra" and I believe it may be a store brand of Walmart.   It's a very simple and lightweight design; there's really not much to it.  And I think I paid $5 for it.

Offline a-man

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Welcome to the keep'em club.  It is a small exclusive club of non-conformists.


I dont think this is about conformity...

The "keep'em club" usually consists of much older people (ie 50+), who in reality probably would not benefit much from the cosmetic improvements brought about by surgery. I don't disagree with your perspective, and in fact if I was your ages, married, and so on, I probably wouldn't care about surgery much myself.

However when you're young... trying to enjoy life, out partying every night, picking up girls, heavily scrutinized by your peers, etc etc, you will also see things from a different perspective.

I would be interested in hearing from someone under 40, who has a more severe case like the one pictured above, and still opts to be part of this "keep'em club". I am willing to bet money you wouldnt find someone who meets that criteria.

For the record, I am in my early 20's, and had surgery about a month ago. It has changed my life in ways I couldn't even have imagined. Sure I could have lived with them like you guys... but if surgery is an option, why torture myself?

Another question, if you guys are so satisfied with your breasts, how did you find this site? Usually the people who come here were unsatisfied with them, did a google search, and found this board...
« Last Edit: July 26, 2005, 06:17:38 PM by anonymous-man »

Gine2D

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I dont think this is about conformity...

The "keep'em club" usually consists of much older people (ie 50+), who in reality probably would not benefit much from the cosmetic improvements brought about by surgery. I don't disagree with your perspective, and in fact if I was your ages, married, and so on, I probably wouldn't care about surgery much myself.

However when you're young... trying to enjoy life, out partying every night, picking up girls, heavily scrutinized by your peers, etc etc, you will also see things from a different perspective.

I would be interested in hearing from someone under 40, who has a more severe case like the one pictured above, and still opts to be part of this "keep'em club". I am willing to bet money you wouldnt find someone who meets that criteria.


The guys that you refer to as the ones over 40 probably had boobs when they were your age.  I know & did.  They just have always had a different attitude about life & their body.

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For the record, I am in my early 20's, and had surgery about a month ago. It has changed my life in ways I couldn't even have imagined. Sure I could have lived with them like you guys... but if surgery is an option, why torture myself?


I never felt tortured when in my late teens ot 20s.

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Another question, if you guys are so satisfied with your breasts, how did you find this site? Usually the people who come here were unsatisfied with them, did a google search, and found this board...


I found this site while looking for the reasons for my families large breasts genes.  It is called learning.

When I first came here it was just a "cut'em off" board.  I wanted to let "some" younger guys know that was not the only answer in that millions of us have boobs & lead a very normal life.  We date,  work, get married, & have children.  

Anyone that even suggested that a man could lead a "normal" life with breasts was FLAMED.  Now it is more tolerated as a different accepting the body that you were born with.  Everyone is not the Hollywood perfect image, actually almost no one is & theya re the exception not the rule as standard.

Look around you this summer.  You will see men with boobs of all sizes walking around in T-Shirt/golf shirts.
Do they look tortured?  

It is attitude of self, & the conforming to the image of what you think others expect as a perfect body.

G



Offline ItsOK

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I don't really have much to add to Gine2D's comments.  He has been around on this board a lot longer than me, and he's been through this discussion many times.

As I said in the initial post, I am not trying to impose my beliefs or lifestyle on anyone else.  I am simply providing my perspective.

If you think it's only Old Farts who avoid surgery, there's probably nothing I can say that will change your mind.  I re-entered the single world several years ago when I got divorced and I discovered that the rules had changed while I was married.  Women these days know what they want and are not afraid to go after it.  I did not find my chest to be any more of a factor in relationships than my hair color, religious beliefs, or age.  I did not hide my breasts or flaunt them . . . they are simply a part of who I am.  I found some women who thought they were interesting and unique, some who didn't really care.  And I am sure that there were women who were turned off by them and looked elsewhere to find someone that they could be attracted to; their loss.

To a very great extent, your body has as much power over you as you give it.  I've seen 100 pound weaklings who had more women fauning over them than they knew what to do with, and I've seen bodybuilders who couldn't get a date if their life depended on it.  If having surgery gives your self confidence a boost, then the surgery is probably worth it.

As for finding and participating on this discussion group, I saw a TV program on gynecomastia that mentioned an Internet link, and one thing led to another, and here I am, for better or worse.  I think that this discussion group is a great resource, and a fine example of how people can get information so much easier these days than only a decade ago.  For one thing, it provides a way to get references on surgeons and to do research on what to expect from the surgery.  I am sure that some surgeons are better than others, and if I was going under the knife I would certainly appreciate the resource here to compare them.  It also illustrates what kind of results to expect and what kind of recovery perioid to plan for.  When you are contemplating something as significant as surgery, this information is key.

Thanks for listening.

Offline a-man

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The guys that you refer to as the ones over 40 probably had boobs when they were your age.  I know & did.  They just have always had a different attitude about life & their body.


Trends have changed... these days people are more concerned with having the perfect body... I'm not necessarily saying thats a good thing, but thats just the way it is.

Also, plastic surgery technique and technology has improved by light years in the last decade, and when you guys were in your 20s, it probably wasn't a viable option.. therefore you didnt have any choice BUT to live with them. If I was in that position then of course I would have lived with them and been happy.

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I never felt tortured when in my late teens ot 20s.


Again, things were different back then.

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When I first came here it was just a "cut'em off" board.  I wanted to let "some" younger guys know that was not the only answer in that millions of us have boobs & lead a very normal life.  We date,  work, get married, & have children.


No one on this board thinks it isn't possible to live a normal life with gyne.... in fact all of us had been doing it for most of our lives. If I hadn't had surgery, I too would have lived a perfectly happy life.

Surgery is just something done to IMPROVE your life. I was perfectly happy before surgery, and am 1000x happier after surgery. Why live with male breasts if I can get rid of them? Like I said, at your ages it might not be worth the effort, but when you are young and trying to 'live the life', it makes a tremendous difference.

Lots of people have crooked teeth... and yet they still live happy lives. Does this mean they shouldn't get braces? Of course not. If they want better teeth they can get braces.... if they want to live with crooked teeth for the rest of their lives, then can go right ahead.

Offline the weemans mom

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ItsOK - Honestly, I think you need to find another forum where your breasts are accepted not only by you, but others as well.  If you didn't have issues with your breasts and wearing a bra, you wouldn't be on this site in the first place.  I think the majority of people that have responded to this particular post, want to be free of gyne and you apparently don't, so maybe you should seek acceptance from those on another forum and support them, instead of trying to discourage those on this board who are seeking encouragment through reduction efforts, whether that be by diet and exercise, or surgery.  Not masking it.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2005, 08:42:52 PM by lgsmom »

Offline heartbrokenmom

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I agree with Weeman's mom.  As mother's of teenagers, we  see the pain our children have gone through.   Unfortunately, we are a society that is based on physical appearance and we are all judged on that.  (Men and Women)  Until society changes and that doesn't appear to be coming in my lifetime or my son's, we have to adapt to the situation.  We  as mothers want to make sure our sons are able to be the best that they can be to compete on a "level playing field" and live a successful healthy emotional life.  It's fine that you have accepted gyne.   However, there are  many that aren't able.   They need our support not a "guilt trip" or another emotional hurdle to get over.  

« Last Edit: July 30, 2005, 02:12:31 AM by heartbrokenmom »

Offline ItsOK

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Sorry folks, if you don't want to read my opinions, then don't read my opinions.  If you are here to get support for a decision you've already made, then nothing I say is going to make any difference anyway.  I am not afraid to tell people that I disagree with the decision that they have made.  I don't expect them to appreciate that input, but someone else reading my words might benefit.

There are people who are here to learn.  If the only opinion they see is "Gyne is horrible, it ruins your life, go get your breasts cut off", then they will think that's the only option.  It's not.

I have to admit that I'm disappointed in the attitude of "I don't agree with you; go away."  I would have expected a more mature reaction, especially from some of the non-teens.

Surgery is the right answer for some folks, but it's crucial to make an informed decision and to pick a surgeon who has experience in this procedure.  An important purpose of this site is to exchange information on surgeons and surgical experiences.  But another purpose is to educate people that surgery is not the only alternative.

Offline a-man

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ItsOK... we understand your opinion, but it is an obvious one.

OF COURSE we could simply learn to live with this deformity. There are people with conditions a millon times worse, and still learn to live with them. People lose their limbs in car accidents and learn to live. The only difference here is that since this condition can be corrected, we don't HAVE to force ourselves to live with it like you have.

As I stated earlier, gyne surgery is incredibly minor, and I would say the overall experience was significanly less involved than when I had braces. Would you encourage someone with crooked teeth to live with them when they could simply get braces to fix them?

Thank you for posting your opinion but it is relatively pointless. We are glad that you have learned to live with yourself. Some of us will take a more proactive approach.

What advice would you give to the hundreds of posters who have gyne but have not had surgery... the ones who complain about the constant teasing by their peers, co-workers, etc. The ones who can't jump in a pool without being ridiculed? The ones who have had to change schools because they were too embarrased to go back? Would you tell them to not have surgery and just hang in there. Enjoy the ridicule? As I said, your post might make sense for an old man, but not the majority of people on this board.

And for the record I think the responses to your post were plenty mature. Your post simply doesn't accomplish much, or offer any real help to any member of this board.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2005, 10:32:40 AM by anonymous-man »

Offline the weemans mom

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Offline ItsOK

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As I stated earlier, gyne surgery is incredibly minor, and I would say the overall experience was significanly less involved than when I had braces. Would you encourage someone with crooked teeth to live with them when they could simply get braces to fix them?


I am glad that you are pleased with your surgery.  Good for you.  There are a number of people who have posted in this forum who are not satisfied, and in some cases will be living with disfigurements that are worse than what they started with.

I believe that you are trivializing the decisiion to have surgery by comparing it to the decision to have orthodontic work done.  In some ways it's a good analogy, but there are significant differences.

Orthodontic work is routine these days.  In fact, it could be argued that adolescents feel "different" when they do NOT have braces.  The fact that there is so much orthodontic work done has the side effect that there are many qualified orthodontists and constant progress and research into this area.

The surgery to correct gyne is specialized and there are few surgeons who perform it well.  That's not to say that they aren't out there, but comparing the search for a surgeon to the search for an orthodontist stretches your analogy.

Finally, the surgery is just that -- it's surgery, with the potential complications of such a medical procedure.

As I have stated many times, surgery is the right solution when a competent patient and doctor have conferred and come to this conclusion.  I am sure that it can be a very positive life-altering experience.

On the other hand, it can be a very negative experience if the doctor is inexperienced or the patient has unrealistic expectations.  I see people going into surgery convinced it is going to solve all their problems.  That's unlikely.

I hope that the purpose of this forum is to educate.  I hope it's not here to mindlessly encourage any decision that anyone makes.  Support is great, but it needs to be intelligent support.  

You state that my opinion is not helpful.  That's fine; for you it's not helpful.  Maybe for 99% of the people here it's not helpful.  But if I can reach even 1%, it's worth it to me.  If it annoys you, complain to the moderator, and if I'm asked by a moderator to cease and desist, I will do so.  But until that happens, I have as much right to offer my "unhelpful" opinion as you do to encourage people to "cut 'em off".

Offline nothingworse

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ItsOk there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are saying. Someone who is willing to live with gyne has mega balls. After torment and torture for a few years and still nasty comments once and a while to this day even though I have a mild/moderate case I want to cut them off. Because maybe just maybe if I did that I wouldn't ever have to hear this line again look at the kid with the big a** titties, or hay man boobs, or the embarrasing scenes. It has just been a total burden and I can't tell you a positive time from my gyne. I tried to battle naturally for 5 years doing weight loss and every damn thing in the book. But, have gotten fed up and it has made me just feel crazy inside. I am tired and I want to smile again. I am not totally depressed it is just this condition has depressed me. The world is a much different place than it was before. Body, image, and personality are big on the stats list. I have seen to many girls disgusted by my not so bad gyne case and girls have even said they would never date a guy like me. I have an okay body, work out 7 days a week and am decent looking but, my gyne has only caused me too much disgust. I almost cried when I found this board for the first time a few months ago, it was like a dream come true to know your not the only one. Point is I don't want to stay a gyne person the rest of my life and want to live my life to the fullest and this has only held me down with self confidence issues, bad attitude, and the way others look at you. I never want to hear those words again by any other person about my gyne, and am so sorry to everyone on this board that they had to go through bs like this. We live in the 21st century were gyne could be no more if we wanted it to be. Its our choice as the person living our lives but, surgery is there, its improved, sure negatives do happen but, gyne is already a huge negative at least for me. I would gladly take an effing 3 inch scar on each side of my chest than having the gyne. And the surgery to get gyne corrected there actually is no amount of money and no amount of words that can be said about how it helps people and how it helps end their pain. Sometimes bad things happen with surgery and will not say they don't. There are risks with everything. But, no risk is too great anymore for me I want my gyne gone and will never ever stop till its gone. Its only been a burden for the past 7 years and if I lived with it like I am now for the rest of my life I would probably spend too much time like I already do remembering what this has caused and how badly I want it gone. Some of the stories and pictures on this site are amazing and the way they felt with their gyne cured. It just takes so much weight off your shoulders. Those people you see everyday with gyne everywhere I am only guessing but, have had bad experiences with gyne and many of them want it gone or corrected. I have not personally talked with people but, my parents never came up to me and said I notice you have gyne and what do you think about it. They didn't know what it was, I didn't know a short while ago. While millions of people don't know what gyne is that have it I am sure they would like to know. Until I found this site by pure luck and weeks and weeks of endless searches for an answer I was desperate. I am sure a lot of those people are desperate also. I just wish this issue would be talked about more in the world so more people would know options are out there. Live with it, find a treatment, surgery or whatever. I work out a lot but, also have a problem with my hips. They don't bother me, but, I am sure they wouldn't bother most people. I see a lot of guys with larger hips and they don't bother them a bit. My gyne is medical and I am soon going to take care of it. I am tired of the throbbing and chronic pain from it, I am tired of my elevated puffy nipples which cause chaffing and severe uncomftorablness, I am tired of the large mounds of gland I have stuck under my armpit, pec, which attribute to the pysical pain and cause major uncomfort. I am also tired of the mental abuse and the taunting they caused me and sometimes still do. It just gets sickening everyday waking up with pain in the morning if I don't rest completely perfectly on my back because of the painful and tender glands. The rubbing of puffy nipples against my shirt gets sickening and the taunting and people making fun of you still happens to this day even being almost an adult. It just goes over and over again like a comic strip. You can put a finish to that strip if you do something right about it. I am sure even you older guys still get young kids snickering at you or people talking about it right in front of your face sometimes. You could punch them and do something stupid which gyne has helped me become a more mature person or do something about it. Do something right and mature. I understand a lot of you guys are now older and surgery may not be the best option for you. I am not disagreeing or never disagree with any person that chooses to live with this. You are one heck of a strong person then and let that strengthen you. All I can remember is gyne got in the way everywhere I had to stop working but, got fired before I quit because of the painful glands and should have taken action last year. But, I didn't know what the problem was. Until I found this board. Went to an endo got my hormones and blood test I am fine. Done growing I reached my maximum height at 5'10" and knew thats as tall as I would get. I saw the specialist and he confirmed mine was an odd case and I knew I should have acted earlier but, was afraid to tell my parents. Now because insurance will cover this because it is chronic and medical well I find out on tuesday but, they have to anyways it will all finally be over. I have purely glandular gynecomastia. It will correct the pain from tender glands being removed and will correct the puffy nipples and the shape of my pecs. If they don't turn out perfect so what I am not looking for perfect I am looking for normality. The biggest thing is I want the tender glands out and the puffy nipples down. Thank god this will soon be over for me in a few months. With healing time maybe I can live out half of my senior year in complete hapiness. Go to parties again, return to work again, and get a new girlfriend/friends, and move on towards the important future. This condition kills so many people inside and it is insane. I know anyone would take a beer belly over gynecomastia. My mom totally freaked out when she felt the glands underneath my armpits, pec muscles, and over my pec muscles, she asked what the heck is that. I told her bs and pain I had been living with for a while. She then realised with closer inspection something was wrong and everything came out. Do something about it if you still are younger. Even if you have to pay $5,000 in the end for the surgery think about this $5,000 not to much money and 99% of the time a feeling indescribeable like winning the lottery, or living with it and never taking care of the problem. THe money is nothing compared to what this has offered and acheived for many. This surgery in the end is worth more than the money. You can spend $5,000 on a good car or spend it on hapiness and the rest of your life back which you can't put a price on. Hapiness and the solution is priceless. Sorry for the long post but all I have had time to do is think and in the end spending the $5000 or so for most people is worth so much more than living with it. Remember scars happen from all surgery and my mom is living with a nasty scar but loves that scar so much more than that toxic nodule that was keeping her overweight. It is just so hard to explain. Butchery is one thing but, usually the worst that can happen is the job isn't done to complete satisfaction or there is a bit of scarring but, the improvement is worth so much more than those. Good luck to you all and Tuesday is a coming and if Aetna doesn't cover it we are calling them and since we have already taken care of all tests, and natural treatment options and mine is medical there are no more corner to run. So the insurance coverage will happen and I gaurantee it and the pain will soon end. Peace

Offline a-man

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I am glad that you are pleased with your surgery.  Good for you.  There are a number of people who have posted in this forum who are not satisfied, and in some cases will be living with disfigurements that are worse than what they started with.


Thank you. I have certainly read of a few incidents where people were not fully satisfied with their surgery. However even in the cases where people were very unsatisfied with their surgery, they admit that it still looks better (albeit only slightly) than before. In reality, the number of people who actually look WORSE after surgery is incredibly small. And even you can agree that the VAST MAJORITY of people are very happy with their results. Life is all about risk. I think people who have gyne would be willing to take that small risk. Just look at the post above this one.

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Orthodontic work is routine these days.  In fact, it could be argued that adolescents feel "different" when they do NOT have braces.  The fact that there is so much orthodontic work done has the side effect that there are many qualified orthodontists and constant progress and research into this area.


Having personally had orthodontic work, I can say that gyne surgery was overall a much more trivial ordeal.

Cosmetic surgery has become just as routine, and their are dozens of plastic surgeons in my area alone that deal with hundreds of gyne cases per year. My plastic surgeon offers free touch-ups, and said that less than 10% of his gyne patients need touch-ups. He said that less than 1% ultimately end up unsatisfied with their results. These numbers seem to reflect the posts on this board. How can you argue with these statistics?

Anyway I suppose we both agree on the fact that gyne surgery can certainly be a good thing, if proper research is done, you have realistic expectations, and it is carried out by an experienced surgeon.


 

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