Gynecomastia Support Forum

Gynecomastia Acceptance => Acceptance => Topic started by: blad on October 09, 2020, 01:57:44 PM

Title: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: blad on October 09, 2020, 01:57:44 PM
There has been a considerable amount of discussion on the over promotion of bras on the acceptance threads.

I strongly take the opposite view.  

Guys who search theses particular pages are almost certainly aware of their breast like growth and are aware of the bra option. After all, it is no secret that the vast percentage of the population who have breasts elect to wear a bra. They are at least curious as to what others with the same situation of breast development have to say on the use of a bra and the experiences of others. They are testing the waters if this may be something to seriously consider. They would not likely be looking here if they had a strong objection to wearing a bra and were completely closed off to the option. Talk by cross dressing alarmists is what could scare off those considering a bra, not the discussions by those who have embraced a bra as the solution to their needs and want to pass on useful real work experiences and advice. 

Those that have no interest in accepting and living with their breasts are looking at the surgical side of this site and are not shopping here. I think it could be a strong encouragement to some to see that many guys are at piece with their breast development and, just like a women, have found a bra to be a functional and sometimes very necessary item of everyday clothing. I am not going to be apologetic that I have breasts and find a bra to be a practical solution to every day comfort and even confidence in how I present. That is what these pages are for. Otherwise, fill your boots with all the surgical threads. 

Those of us who decide that we are better off accepting daily use of a bra, do not need to be called down in any way if we wish to pass on our experiences with the purpose of helping others. We are being positive that the use of a simple functional garment called a bra controls any unwanted breast movement and provides a solution to the discomfort that unsupported breasts often have, just like women have discovered for a long time. Guys with Gyno looking here need to know that those of us wearing a bra on a daily basis just find it becomes like a pair of socks, that we forget we are even wearing one much of the time, do not think about it in a public setting, and that life goes on normally, but with one potential irritation now under control.

There is the acceptance of a bra for the comfort and control reasons, but also the perceived stigma new comers will obviously feel if others know they wear a bra. Arguments about what is and is not crossdressing do not help these new comers to feel that a bra can become just a normal everyday garment. The word should not be used period in this forum. Rather, new members should have experiences shared how most of us fly under the radar and how no one sees or cares about our bras. They need tips to build confidence, not labels to scare them off. 

And if a new member posts a picture of them in there first bras, they are being very forthright and obviously must feel they are looking ok in their bra, as it is a big step to share with others. It is helpful that some here comment that they are looking good and clearly are benefitting from the support they now have. And that they may benefit wearing a bra for the rest of their life as many of us have concluded for ourselves. 

I feel that if more guys with Gyno actually tried a well fitting bra that more would end their search of a surgical solution. To that end, comments of trying to get a fitting and making sure they have a comfortable experience with their first bras is very helpful to making a fair evaluation. Surgery is a one way expensive street while a good fitting bra is at least a holding pattern for those with some breast support discomfort, if not a final solution.

Lets be SUPPORTIVE 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 09, 2020, 03:00:46 PM
Well said Blad.  The irony for me as a person who HAS crossdressed during my life which I now understand was the product of sexual trauma when I was a boy, is acceptance of my breasts has really dissolved the feelings that always led me to crossdress.  Yes, I'm wearing a brassiere and enjoying both the feelings and look, but this is a completely different experience.  I'm being me, without shame or judgment.  No doubt it is men here who've come to peace with their developing breasts who have made it possible for me to find acceptance.  I'd like to believe we can offer that to all the men dealing by gynecomastia... the Gyno Guys as you put it.  Sounds like a rock band or men's group...:P
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: JohannK on October 09, 2020, 04:46:21 PM
You certainly made some decent arguments there, that I can understand the reasoning behind.  But still, I'd prefer to keep a more neutral/objective approach myself when it comes to giving advice.  Meaning don't avoid mentioning bras (or the pros/cons of wearing), but also don't make a decision for the person asking questions.

As for my take on the term crosdressing, a bit over a year ago it was a "plain and simple" definition, so a man wearing women's clothes or vice versa.  But now that I've spent some time here that changed, as obviously there are cases where it makes sense to shop on the other side.  So I'd say crossdressing is wearing clothes of the opposite sex for the sake of it (regardless of how far you're taking it).
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dale Warnio on October 10, 2020, 10:10:28 PM
You said it perfectly, blad, thank you. We should be open-minded, non-judgmental, and supportive here. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Traveler on October 12, 2020, 01:07:24 AM
When I first found this site it was really already a forgone conclusion for me needing support. Id read so many different threads it became more about my comfort and how to navigate the world wearing a bra. The different styles that would work for me. The way to dress to minimize the fact I was wearing a bra in public. Also, to realize that most people wouldn’t notice or care as long as I wasn’t flaunting it. 
I’m with blad on with the recommendation of wearing a bra when really, the ones who need support already know that they do and are here just looking for acceptance for something that society says they shouldn’t be wearing. How far they want to go is up to them. Because really, they already know the answer to that question.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 12, 2020, 03:29:31 PM
This is the side of the website focusing on acceptance, which isn't necessarily easy to do after a lifetime of embarrassment, even shame over the fact of having enlarged breasts as teens and men.  Acceptance definitely is not dependent on wearing a brassiere, but acceptance really is the only way a man is going to come to the decision to put a brassiere on and see how it feels.  Simple statements made here are very helpful... men showing photos of their breasts and of the brassieres they choose to wear, tell a powerful story.  Wearing a brassiere does not mean we want to become women.  Men who want to transition are not spending time on this website embarrassed about their breasts... they're on the websites devoted to growing breasts and preparing for sex change operations.  I think the push and pull that happens even in the Acceptance forums comes from discomfort with the simple fact we have breasts... as though we've violated the terms of our masculinity.  Honestly, we do ourselves and others a disservice when we slip into those arguments.  We are as we are.  Can we accept and care for ourselves as we are?  That is the only important question, one which can naturally lead to investigation whether wearing a brassiere will help us physically and even mentally.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 13, 2020, 07:55:03 AM
I wanted to weigh in after waiting for a few responses as I felt this topic could go one of two ways. Bring out the weirdo-s or bring out the empowering. Glad to see the empowering showed up and gave excellent responses. I applaud and appreciate those who commented, all wonderfully put. I came on this site after much googling a  couple years ago as I felt my chest itching and hurting, going to the dr and it being revealed I had breast tissue and it was a common sign of such. Freaking out wondering wtf is going on, going to happen, how in the...I found sites like Susan's Place, where I'd imagine anyone here who is looking to transition or feminize would go after browsing their site. I found other sites like Cheryl's Room and BreastNexus and found the similar stuff and left. I got on picture sites like flickr and imgur and tried to find men with breasts to see if any others were like me, and found pretty much just crossdressers and wannabe's. Turned to other socials like Reddit and Facebook Groups and found the same. Finally came across this site after I went to a follow up with the dr and he officially said a word I never heard before "gynecomastia". Used that to google that specifically and came across this page. Gave it a try and success. Seeing men who were carpenters, mechanics, play hockey, and other things in the 2 years I been on here and seeing men who were men but had heart issues, surgeries, that medication resulted in, who were idiopathic with adult onset and no reasons why given, who had them as most commonly, as a teen and dealt with the bullying and coming to terms, to the people who's family's are conservative and reserved yet accepted the fact their son, husband, whoever, has breasts and was wearing bras to family functions, churches, etc. without complaints. I say all that to say this....there is plenty of room on the internet for the crossdressers and werido's. Will that prevent them from coming here. No, it's seen from time to time that they will show up and show out on threads. I believe this is due to wanting to seem like one of us, and see how many of us they can show are like them.

But it is imperative for the encouragement and empowering of wearing bras as men. I feel it has been vital to my lowering of giving a s--- about wearing a bra. I wore a bra to work for the last 3 days and it is because this site gives me strength when I feel like a freak, or for when I put a bra on and feel low and perverted cause I shouldn't be wearing one. Or what will one think, say or do if they see me and don't know me, or know me and see the bra straps and adjusters ni the back of my shirt, or worse...know me come up say hey and hug me and feel my hooks. This is why when I buy a bra I try to buy one with front hooks, and adjusters. But when I'm at the store, I feel at odds and have become much more comfortable in the bra aisle and notice women don't really seem to pay me any mind. But it's because of this forum I am comfortable going in the bra aisle, instead of across from it looking suspicious waiting for the area to be clear to make my move scouting out bras so i can grab and go, hoping I grabbed the right size and style. Men who need a bra, and I want to emphasize, NEED a bra should not feel ashamed, they should not feel discouraged, embarrassed, sad, low, perverted, anxious, lethargic, depressed, etc...they should feel happy and encouraged that there are options for them to be comfortable and secure. My breasts have been going through a growth spurt and have went from a little cushion to jiggling just typing. It's why I decided to wear a bra to work the last few days, and while I knew the straps and adjusters could be identified, I didn't care. My supervisor came to talk to me, co workers I seen in the office we talked, no one noticed and if they did said nothing. May be cause it was a cami bra vs underwire so the cups weren't showing through my shirt as much regarding the rounded shape a bra gives. But I wore a freaking bra to work. TO WORK. I couldn't have done that without the encouragement I get from this forum. I couldn't designate a section in my drawer for my few bras I have, knowing my wife puts my laundry up sometimes, and may see them. I'm becoming more accepting of the fact I believe I need a bra and it is because of this forum. I have accepted I have breasts. They are a small b cup so I'm secure in their lack of projection and such a larger cup size may give. But accepting wearing a bra is a very difficult concept. For personal, for family, for public, for work, etc. I applaud this thread cause it gives those confidence where none may be to wear a supported garment and know they are not alone. I can easily see how one may feel very alone in wanting to wear a bra and when they try to find others like them online and google the idea, finding things I initially found and feeling even worse about the idea and themselves when seeing what the internet shows them in their searches for men who have breasts or wear bras.

This has gotten a lot longer than needed, I'm sorry. But I'm low on time to revise lol and again, thank you to those who commented, cause those like myself, who have accepted his breasts are growing still, and coming to the realization a bra may be a necessity, find total comfort in the encouragement this forum gives. Wearing a bra freaks me out and scares me but this forum makes me feel better about the idea of regular wear. And hope others like myself find this forum as helpful in coming to terms with the idea.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Charlee on October 13, 2020, 10:18:16 AM
This has gotten a lot longer than needed, I'm sorry. But I'm low on time to revise lol and again, thank you to those who commented, cause those like myself, who have accepted his breasts are growing still, and coming to the realization a bra may be a necessity, find total comfort in the encouragement this forum gives. Wearing a bra freaks me out and scares me but this forum makes me feel better about the idea of regular wear. And hope others like myself find this forum as helpful in coming to terms with the idea.
Dude, I rarely, if ever, read long-winded posts, but made an exception today. You managed to hit so many points on the head, I'm humbled by your words.
I too have the same fears you quoted. Family, friends, public discovery. But, I hope the rest of the world has my opinion that when I notice something odd, I don't "notice" it and make an issue of it.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 13, 2020, 11:55:37 AM
Yeah lol I was typing early am and hyped on the coffee and got to a point like no ones gonna read this at this point lol. But glad you did. I actually found out today was my day off at work and am going for a run. Wearing my Cami bra and in a gray shirt. I’m not trying to be noticed but know the adjusters and straps will be noticeable especially as I run awhile and sweat but this forum is making me more comfortable with wearing a bra and I’m trying to do my part of getting used to one cause I know my anxieties and concerns will fade as I wear a bra in colors or clothes that may show hints and notice no one noticing or staring. Personal case study I guess lol. 
I don’t think my wife would approve at all but I’m not home often and I am at a point where wearing a bra is something I feel I need to get used to. And all thanks to this forum for making me feel this comfortable so far in doing so. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: blad on October 13, 2020, 01:02:09 PM
I know my anxieties and concerns will fade as I wear a bra in colors or clothes that may show hints and notice no one noticing or staring. Personal case study I guess lol.
I don’t think my wife would approve at all but I’m not home often and I am at a point where wearing a bra is something I feel I need to get used to. And all thanks to this forum for making me feel this comfortable so far in doing so.
As you wear a bra full time, it does not take long before it is second nature to put it on in the morning and not remove it until night, just like socks. You will begin to even forget you have one on for most of the day and it will not be on your mind at all as you go about your day in public. You simply forget about it while obtaining the support your breasts have come to need. In fact, you begin to be hyper aware if at any point you are braless due to the negative sensations. 

I maintain the view that most wives will begin to also accept the need of a bra when the evidence of significant breast development is staring them in the face. All they want to know is that the bra is for function and not part of other issues.

I am satisfied to see this thread as a catalyst for constructive discussions. I also note that  the comments made by a "William" have disappeared on some other threads. Comments that were not useful for this part of the forum.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 13, 2020, 03:10:48 PM
“All they want to know is that the bra is for function and not part of other issues.“
This is a good quote and hope it becomes truth in my home. The wife and I haven’t been intimate in over 7 months. She sees me shirtless in bed when she comes after I’ve gone to sleep so I’m sure she notices them showing to be fuller and the cleavage from laying on my side but idk cause she doesn’t say anything. She hasn’t seen me on top or topless around the house sitting or anything else to put it on display but I would hope that if she found my bras she would know they are for function as you say. 

And as much as it may become second nature to me and natural to wear one if I wore one daily. My concern still lies in the will co workers notice my rounded shape cause my cami bras I wear hold things in but that’s about it. My t shirt bras give me nice comfort and a little lift while keeping the chest flush but the cups still show projection and in my Dress polos they can be quite obvious to me. Unsure if they would be to others but my concern goes from man I feel great to man did anyone see me walk in and go wtf 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: MarcoB on October 13, 2020, 03:52:22 PM
Dudewithboobs, good post.  Yes, I read it all.  My own experience and thinking is similar.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 13, 2020, 04:07:10 PM
...I found sites like Susan's Place, where I'd imagine anyone here who is looking to transition or feminize would go after browsing their site. I found other sites like Cheryl's Room and BreastNexus and found the similar stuff and left. I got on picture sites like flickr and imgur and tried to find men with breasts to see if any others were like me, and found pretty much just crossdressers and wannabe's. Turned to other socials like Reddit and Facebook Groups and found the same. Finally came across this site after I went to a follow up with the dr and he officially said a word I never heard before "gynecomastia". Used that to google that specifically and came across this page. Gave it a try and success...

I've wandered the internet much as you have and visited a number of the sites you did.  I also have spent a year and a half on a website called MaleSurivor.org which as the name suggests is from men who were sexually abused as boys.  That happened to me and the experience contributed to my turning to crossdressing when I was 12 years old.  I mention that simply to say coming to terms with gynecomastia and the possibility of wearing brassieres becomes much more complicated when that HAS been a sexual component to the wearing of anything feminine.  I find myself betwixt and between since I'm not simply a man who has breasts growing on his chest, but a sexual abuse survivor who has used crossdressing to manage the stresses of life.  I know that the themes of crossdressing don't really belong on this website, but at the same time talking about breast growth while committed to being a man doesn't play well on crossdressing websites.  In addition it is ALL a bit much for a website for trauma survivors, though I have spoken about these issues there.

I'll do my best to keep my focus clear here but I would be telling a lie if I said I don't enjoy conversations about enjoying having breasts and the sexual feelings that can come with that simple fact.  I understand that becomes confusing.  Do we wear only sports bras, or pretty bras with lace trim... not because its less warm but because we like the look?  Again, difficult matters to consider if all we're looking for is the best utilitarian solution to an engineering problem.  That sounds like a manly thing to do.  I'm good at solving problems like that... but this seems a bit more complex...
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 13, 2020, 06:36:21 PM
I agree with you and kudos on the surviving of such a traumatic experience and finding comfort in something healthy as crossdressing when many turn to other things to cope.
Regarding bras I agree I don’t think a man should be limited to just pull over or sports bras. If they like that and find comfort with it sure go ahead. If you like t shirt bras with underwire or other fashions of bras. Go for it. For me it turns sideways when a man proudly wears a push up when it isn’t needed. I know some men are quite busty and a push up gives that extra lift of defying gravity off their bodies for comfort. But those who wear push ups and others to enhance something they wish they had more of but don’t vs those who wear certain bras cause it gives the support they need where other bras don’t. Is the fine line to me. Heck to me I have a few bras. 3 t shirt bras 2 cami bras 3 sports bras and one push up. I don’t need the push up but I got one today just to see what they are like and if they do anything extra. Answer for me is nope nothing so it stays in the drawer. The 2 t shirt bras and a cami bra I bought today as my recent growth spurt has caused me to officially enter the jiggling stage of this crap and felt it was time to seriously think of wearing a bra. So I got a few bras that go with colors of shirts I wear to work as it makes sense to try to blend the two in. The black one has lace on the band and the burgundy one has frill and lace. I suck at attaching pics here but I’ll try.
Anyways for me I don’t care what a dude wears. If he has boobs that warrant a bra then wear whatever fashion or style you want. It doesn’t need to be neutral colors and bland fashions. It can be a bralette or Demi or comfort pullover or whatever with lace that is blue pink gold red white whatever. It’s a bra and like a shirt or pants or shoes it should be one you like are comfortable in and enjoy seeing in the options to choose from.
I’m married and my wife doesn’t know I have 7 bras and if she found them there’d be serious questions to answer. But for me she doesn’t know I’ve gone through 3 growth spurts since we’ve last been intimate and for the sake of my situation I keep my bras to neutral colors without padding and push ups with exception to the burgundy one. Which I’ll honestly probably throw away. Especially since I didn't know they had leopard print straps as I was in a rush, saw a rack of 34b bras for 6.98 a piece, and grabbed a couple and left.
Anyways. Sorry for the ramble. I’m apparently getting too good at longer than needed comments.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 13, 2020, 09:34:41 PM
What strikes me from your last comment Dude is the fact you haven't told your wife about the brassieres.  That has such a familiar ring to it after reading on a crossdressing website where they use the acronym DADT... for, you guessed it, Don't Ask, Don't Tell... the old Pentagon method of contending with gays in the military.  Even though the intention is different... for them pretending to be women... for you wishing to feel comfortable in your body... but both from a place of believing wives wouldn't be understanding.

I live alone but have a very close friendship with my former wife.  She knows about my history of crossdressing which I never indulged in before or during our marriage.  I told her about it before we were married and again decades after we'd divorced.  She said something similar to what you did... crossdressing is certainly among the most benign responses to sexual trauma.  (Trust me... there were many others not quite so benign.)  But I have said nothing to her about my explorations the last four or five months and certainly have never worn a brassiere during our time together.  Clearly, talking about breasts and brassieres is a bit of a minefield.  The men on the crossdressing site who have the full support and occasionally participation of their wives are celebrated.  Carrying secrets in a marriage is a recipe for disaster AND this topic is not easy to discuss.

Nice collection of brassieres... I have one on order right now from E-Bay where I make all my purchases.  I prefer unpadded underwire brassieres.  I can't help but say I enjoy the process of shopping, buying and then trying out brassieres... my little secret. 8)
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 13, 2020, 11:42:02 PM
Why would any man tell his wife he has bras in his drawer? Idk about others but I seem to be a bit on the lonesome side of those here who had nothing and now filling B cups in a span of 2 years. I didn’t have them when I met my wife. I don’t know how to address it with my wife. I’m accepting of myself and wearing a bra and trying to get comfortable with the idea of wearing one regularly as things have gotten more mobile on my chest. I’m accepting of things but I don’t think my wife would be. I don’t know how to go “hey babe can you look at my chest cause I feel they have grown a bit and I am thinking of trying a few styles of bras to help with the comfort level. Can you suggest anything I should try style wise?” I don’t see her going “wow yeah those definitely need some support. Why not try some sports bras and if those are uncomfortable a t shirt bra” 

Idk I’m not trying to be rude I just legit have no clue how to bring up the fact my chest has grown significantly since she last saw me shirtless. And even more clueless on how to get her to empathize with the idea of her husband wanting a bra let alone bras. If anyone has any sound ideas I’d be more than happy to know. As I think it goes with the thread. Not only is bra wearing something to encourage. But for those who had breasts coming in to the relationship or those like me who did not and now finds himself with breasts. How do you present the fact you now have breasts. As well as now want to entertain the idea of wearing a bra and present it in such a manner that the wife inevitably will empathize and understand and may not like but will agree and tolerate having a few bras. 

I agree secrets are a recipe for disaster. But until I figure how to bring it up and address it well enough to know going in to it I would have her support not suspicions than I don’t see the point. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 14, 2020, 12:17:04 AM
I'm not likely the best person to give relationship advice because I've been married AND divorced FOUR times.  Clearly, I did not have an easy time with intimacy, something I understand better as I've unpacked the trauma I experienced.

You mention that you and your wife haven't been intimate in seven months, so it appears something is going on already.  If the two of you are experiencing some distance in your relationship it likely isn't the best time to bring this up.  But if the moment feels right, I'd be inclined to say something simple like... "Could we talk about something personal?"  If she says yes, you can say something like "I'm embarrassed to share with you the fact my body has been changing and it seems my breasts are getting larger.  I've been doing some research online and it appears I may have a hormonal imbalance."  You give her an opportunity to respond.  Hopefully, if she loves you she won't tell you to leave your home.  From there you can speak about the discomfort you feel.  You could go from there to mentioning this website and that you learned some men are dealing with this condition by wearing a brassiere.

What you would want from a conversation like this is not to convince her of anything, but to earn her support in finding the healthiest solution to the problem.  You can talk about the option of surgery and if you have reservations about that you would share those.  You could talk about discussions here on acceptance and how men are working with that.  Allow it to be a conversation.  Answer her questions.  Seriously, if she can't join you in what is a serious discussion about a real life health condition then this may not be a relationship worth salvaging.  You HAVE breasts and you didn't get them to spite her.  They simply came.  A solid partnership will find a way of responding to the reality of the moment.  And NO, this isn't easy for any of us.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: blad on October 14, 2020, 12:30:10 AM
I think 42C gave an excellent answer to introducing the issue. The timing is something to ponder.

It was very liberating way back for my wife to be on board with my need for a bra. From then on I could wear what I felt I needed without issue and be open about it. If the home front is happy it is easier to go forth in public and wear what makes you comfortable. (And you can tell her you are saving all that money that surgery would cost).
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: curiousk on October 14, 2020, 03:25:36 AM
42C said exactly what I would have said.  While I’ve had breasts when we meant, they are bigger for sure now.  She knew that it was a source of discomfort, but lived with it.   With the inspiration from this forum, it forced me to come to the fact that my breasts were large enough to need support and that wearing a bra would be helpful.   
I did go to a store to try on bras first to start  wrapping my head around the idea of it and to see myself in the mirror.   After that was the talk with my wife.  I was scared for sure that would think I was a weirdo or say something hurtful.  All she said was” ok, that’s no problem “.   I explained my discomfort and I wasn’t interested in surgery, so I thought that wearing a bra was a good solution.  From that, she told he wear what was comfortable and would help.
Now, we don’t talk about it or go shopping for bras together.   I don’t think it’s necessary.  I have my drawer with my bras and she has hers.   When I get dressed in the morning, I put one on with her in the room, sometimes in the bathroom.   Sometimes I ask for her help with my straps or does this top go with my bra.  
I appreciate how tough this is but honesty about what’s happening to your body and being true to your feelings about it is a great place to start.  Good luck to you.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 14, 2020, 07:51:40 AM
This is a great way to open it up with her. I am confident this perhaps may be the best way to approach it. Thank you for that. It's so simple, but it is so complicated to come up with a way myself so I thank you for the insight. I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not. I feel mentioning it the way you mentioned and letting her do her own research may be the best avenue. If she asks I'll likely note this forum, but it scares me to think what she would think if she saw how often I post here and how often i didn't mention it to her.
Especially with how often we have not been intimate. Personal details like that probably shouldn't be shared, but often come out when letting things out of the system as such. I don't think anything is going on, on her end. Just super busy with everything she has going on. And me I'm just not interested in sex. I never have been. Even when I was a teen and hormones were raging, sex never interested me. But I'm sure whatever is causing my breasts to keep growing isnt' helping in the libido dept. Is there anyone here who has a hormonal imbalance naturally? Not from medications that was a known side effect or anything? Just curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 14, 2020, 12:18:20 PM
...I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not...
 

She may react like that but on the other hand, it could be helpful if you framed reaching out to this website because of your confusion about what changes in your chest.  You needed to answer a few questions before you felt comfortable even talking about this subject, with her or anyone else.  Of course, you wouldn't tell her everything you share here.  My guess is she doesn't tell you everything she says about your relationship to her friends.  While open communication is important that doesn't mean everything in our lives is shared with our partners.

With regard to your libido I've been musing about that.  I was quite inhibited sexually in part because of my upbringing and in part because the sexual trauma created so much confusion.  Yes, given the opportunity I would eventually get the job done and I did enjoy it a great deal.  But gynecomastia IS the result of how hormones operate in our bodies.  Since we're fixated as a culture on what bodies should look like, we have a great deal of suffering.  Women who are pudgy or who are flat chested struggle mightily... extreme diets to become a thin as possible and dreams of breast augmentation to get the boobs they long for.  Guys with breasts protruding from their chest come here to have them cut off so the flat chest that is the gold standard can be achieved.  Of course, cutting off breasts doesn't change the hormonal balance in the body.  The question often touched upon here is how the hormones that produced the bumps on our chest are playing out with the rest of our body AND our sexuality.

I've had what I now understand is clinically called gynecomastia since I was a teen.  It is likely this hormonal arrangement that left me with a body that has never been muscular.  I've worked out in the gym at various times in my life and no matter how diligent I was, how intense my workout, my basic body was soft... could we say feminine?  I look at men with hard bodies and marvel at the difference.  Clearly, I'm not a manly man.  And as I've gotten older my body is becoming more feminine.  I'm not taking any medicines that would contribute to breast growth but that is surely what is happening.  I also have a much diminished libido.  Rigid erections are a thing of the past.  Doubtless testosterone is diminishing... likely a significant contributor to my breast growth.

I don't believe any of this is a problem unless I make it one.  I inherited THIS body from my mother, a large breasted woman and my father, a rather slight man who developed a pot as he got older.  Bumps developed on my chest as a teen and I was embarrassed.  I began hiding them with careful clothing choices.  I've done that my whole life... even as the sexual trauma tripped me into crossdressing in which I exaggerated my breasts.  That was not a fulfilling life path but it is what happened with this confluence of factors.  Now I'm attending to this reality in a new way... acknowledging that I have breasts... allowing myself to enjoy the breasts I have... and accepting my body with its diminished libido for being exactly what it is.  I don't need to reject any of this and I certainly would never think about cutting off part of my body so I can satisfy the delusion there is a perfect body and I need one.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: paulpark21 on October 15, 2020, 08:23:55 PM
TJust curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.
I think a doctor, especially a male one, is not going to bring up the issue of breasts by himself. Even after mine had a reached a B cup, he said nothing about them even when he was checking my heart which he does every time I see him.  Up to that time I never wore a bra in my visits.  You will have to bring up the subject.  I had an under breast rash which I saw him about, and he didn't bring up the subject of my breasts (I had already accepted them and wasn't interested in an operation).  The next time I saw him I wore a bra which he noticed when doing the heart check and he still didn't say a word about them or the bra. 

So don't depend on the doctor to say something. If you have questions on your growth ask him/her - he may refer you to an endo to check your hormones (if you haven't done that yourself already).

I agree with the other two about finding a quiet time to sit down.  Another possible opening is that you have a medical condition that you want to discuss with her.

Breasts usually don't show much laying in your back, and only a little more on your side.  She may not have noticed yours, especially if her focus is on going to bed.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 15, 2020, 10:13:24 PM
Good points. I see some people talk about their drs advising them to wear a bra and I’m like your dr actually said that on top of actually bringing up the fact of the breasts being present. Just never seemed like something a dr would do. 

Regarding medical condition to talk about. I just hope there is one to discuss. My biggest concern is they grow and there’s nothing to point it to and then I’m left with boobs and a shoulder shrug for an answer it’s infuriating to think about only because if I was a woman and my husband great breasts and all I got was a shrug I’d be more than mad suspicious and skeptical. 

I did wear a bra the last few days to work. I have found t shirt bras are doing great to hold and support and not project and show off. Talked to co workers and walking around and no one seems to see anything. Yet to try all the work office clothes I wear but hoping all shirts go as easily masked that I’m wearing one. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: aboywithgirls on October 17, 2020, 07:45:58 AM
If I think or feel the top I'm wearing will let my bra show through to the point that's all anybody notices, I will usually wear a light camisole underneath my top. It smooths out all the smaller bumps that my bra creates. 

Of course, I still have the two big bumps in the front, however, at least they aren't running wild and have a much more pleasant shape.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on October 17, 2020, 08:50:14 AM
I’ve been wearing my 34b bras to work all week and the feeling of being a freak has quickly subsided to feeling comfortable and confident. I’ve worn various bras I have and concluded that same bra size and style isn’t made equally. I’ve really come to enjoy my No Boundary’s bras from Walmart they fit so well and hold me in great. It’s a bit taking back when I scoop and swoop and find myself completely filling the cups but I put my shirts on any color and you can’t even tell. I got the same bra in red that I posted a few days ago noting finding it was a push up realizing it after buying it but wore it to work just to see and can understand why the more bustier men here aren’t against them. Same effect. Couldn’t tell. However another brand same size and band size has a bit more room in them and you can tell for sure something is there. 

My conclusion was if you fill your bra cups the less likely it is they will be noticeable. I’m guessing due to the tissue filling the cups and pushing them to be smooth vs having a bit of space left and leaving room for the shirts to make divots wrinkles or whatever that causes the bra to be more pronounced. 

I definitely plan to replace a couple with more no boundary brand. It also made me wonder what constitutes filling a bra and overfilling? Obviously spilling out is a term I’ve come to know is a good hint but curious how do you know if you are filling the bra properly or relying too much on scooping in to fill. Pseudofilling if you will. 
I place my arms out in front of me straight and noticed some bras I have have a gap afterward where the current enjoyable ones do not and assume this tells me I’m wearing the right bra. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 17, 2020, 11:38:56 AM
Scooping is not something reserved for us men, women do it as well, especially if they're breasts are not "perky."  As you observe Dude, not all brassieres are created equal.  I just received a brassiere from the same company that produces my favorite, in the same size and it is MUCH too large for me.  I fortunately came upon the ideal brassiere for my breasts my second time browsing on E-Bay and subsequently have bought the same style in two different colors.  I also bought a backup.  It is a minimizer... without padding but with underwire.  A 42C with an extender does the trick beautifully.  You can hardly beat the price for this brassiere.  It is very well made and I love how the cups hold my breasts.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Lilyette-Bali-Bra-Plunge-Into-Comfort-Keyhole-Minimizer-Womens-Non-Padded-0904-/401562409349

My breasts are a tad bigger than yours but if I dress carefully, they aren't visible.  But then I don't go to work every day so what I wear at home is only for me... and I love the look and feel of my breasts in this particular brassiere.  The two photos I've shared on threads here were taken with my wearing that brassiere.
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: blad on October 17, 2020, 11:48:16 AM
Scooping is not something reserved for us men, women do it as well, especially if they're breasts are not "perky."  As you observe Dude, not all brassieres are created equal.  I just received a brassiere from the same company that produces my favorite, in the same size and it is MUCH too large for me.  I fortunately came upon the ideal brassiere for my breasts my second time browsing on E-Bay and subsequently have bought the same style in two different colors.  I also bought a backup.  It is a minimizer... without padding but with underwire.  A 42C with an extender does the trick beautifully.  You can hardly beat the price for this brassiere.  It is very well made and I love how the cups hold my breasts.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Lilyette-Bali-Bra-Plunge-Into-Comfort-Keyhole-Minimizer-Womens-Non-Padded-0904-/401562409349

My breasts are a tad bigger than yours but if I dress carefully, they aren't visible.  But then I don't go to work every day so what I wear at home is only for me... and I love the look and feel of my breasts in this particular brassiere.  The two photos I've shared on threads here were taken with my wearing that brassiere.
Swoop and scoop is definitely for both genders.

That is a nice tasteful bra you link to. 
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: 42CSuprise! on October 17, 2020, 01:06:55 PM
It doesn't get simpler that this blad... no frills but compared with other brassieres I've owned this has the nicest feel as well as the simplest appearance.  The cups have two thin layers of fabric and conform perfectly to my breasts.  I think honestly when they refer to minimizing they're only saying there is no padding of any sort.  Even tee shirt bras have a thin layer of some material.  That is the reason nipples aren't visible.  This brassiere holds breasts in a quite firm shape but it does allow the nipples to show.  Since nipple play is part of the fun for me, I don't mind that at all... 8)
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: curiousk on December 22, 2020, 09:21:06 AM
This is a great way to open it up with her. I am confident this perhaps may be the best way to approach it. Thank you for that. It's so simple, but it is so complicated to come up with a way myself so I thank you for the insight. I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not. I feel mentioning it the way you mentioned and letting her do her own research may be the best avenue. If she asks I'll likely note this forum, but it scares me to think what she would think if she saw how often I post here and how often i didn't mention it to her.
Especially with how often we have not been intimate. Personal details like that probably shouldn't be shared, but often come out when letting things out of the system as such. I don't think anything is going on, on her end. Just super busy with everything she has going on. And me I'm just not interested in sex. I never have been. Even when I was a teen and hormones were raging, sex never interested me. But I'm sure whatever is causing my breasts to keep growing isnt' helping in the libido dept. Is there anyone here who has a hormonal imbalance naturally? Not from medications that was a known side effect or anything? Just curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.
So Dude, did you have a talk with your wife about you wearing a bra?  If so, how did it go?
Title: Re: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra
Post by: Dudewithboobs on December 28, 2020, 01:50:17 PM
Noooooooooope lol I went on quarantine orders around thanksgiving due to daughter getting Covid and worked from home up until this week when I came back to work. Was braless the time due to being at home and working in pjs and not needing a bra. And enjoyed the attire. Went to work today put my bra on for the first time in weeks and yeah I only gained three pounds over the time of not going to gym and working from home an holidays but my bras (tried on 3) are all much more snug than I remember a month and a week ago. Haven’t really been giving it much attention but went to look in the mirror and yeah they are definitely fuller across the chest and sticking out much more from the side angle. I can’t justify the idea of asking the wife about the idea of wearing a bra until it’s actually seen as a need not a want. Right now I don’t need a bra. My chest now jiggles a little when walking but not bouncing everywhere. They are fuller but not causing pain or stress. They are showing more but not causing any insecurity. When I dial down all the factors I want to wear a bra I don’t need to wear one. I want to for all the reasons above as I fined it makes me look and feel better. But it isn’t a necessity and until it is I’ll probably keep it quiet. 
SMFPacks CMS 1.0.3 © 2021