Gynecomastia Support Forum

General => Parents/Family/Friends => Topic started by: Gynomom on June 15, 2020, 11:04:17 AM

Title: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 15, 2020, 11:04:17 AM
I have a 12-year-old son who has significant gynecomastia.  He is a bit chubby, but his breasts go beyond Pseudogynecomastia.

Our family doctor says there is glandular tissue behind his nipples, which are puffy and larger and feminine in appearance.  His breasts also have a female shape, and I would estimate them at a small B cup size. 

The doctor says his breasts will most likely go away over time, but I notice them continuing to develop. 

My son seemed not to notice until fairly recently, but then became self conscious about his growing breasts. Since the doctors visit, he has been quite open with me about them, including telling me they always jiggle, and when he does activities, they bounce, and that he gets sore breast tissue.  He also said his nipples chafe. 

I want to be helpful and supportive, but the doctor says we should just wait and see. 

I am a single mom and would welcome any advice from those who have experience.  My only experience is when my breasts developed.

Thanks, Angela



Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: bustymale on June 15, 2020, 11:55:35 AM
Angela, I see this is your first post here, so I will just come out and say it:

Your son could benefit from wearing a bra.

Have you personally examined his breasts or just the doctor has?

Welcome to this forum.  You should find a lot of knowledgeable people here.

Good luck
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: JohannK on June 15, 2020, 01:22:59 PM
Welcome, I see your post is complete now.  At first it was cut off at the doctor's observation.

As bustymale said, your son could indeed benefit from a bra.  After all, a bra is meant to provide relief from the very things he mentioned.  Chafed nipples in particular can get very uncomfortable or even excruciating, so that alone could be enough reason to go for a bra, even if it's just temporary (depending how bad it is of course).  But, I think we all here can agree that children can be nasty.  So there is that part to consider, and only you will know if he can take it.

As for what the doctor said, pubertal gyne does usually go away but not always.  It's generally accepted as a matter of within two years, or never.  So do bear in mind that his breasts might be with him for life (unless he goes under the knife, that is, but I'm not an advocate for such surgeries).
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 15, 2020, 01:56:21 PM
I had a little trouble with my first post, so thanks for bearing with me.  Also, thank you, Johann and Busty,  for your thoughtful replies.

Yes, Busty, I have examined his breasts, both before and after the doctor visits.  When he told me about his chapped nipples, I had him show me, and then I have rubbed Lansinoh on multiple occasions to soothe them.  As you might know, Lansinoh  is quite thick, so takes considerable handling of his breasts and nipples to apply.  I could definitely feel the hard/firm masses beneath his nipples.  Without any doubt, glandular tissue, and I can feel seems to be growing, even since when I started applying the Lansinoh, as his breasts continue to develop.

I was struck by, how I applied Lansinoh just like this to my nipples when not so long ago and not all that much older than him, I was breast-feeding him, and now I am applying it to my child’s budding, and to be honest, quite impressive, breasts.  Just amazing, and on top of that, to think he is a boy.

I had him when I was still in high school, so now, here I am, only 29 and already with a child who has breasts at least as big as mine at his age, and for all purposes, seems already perhaps fully functional, by which I mean, capable of lactating and breastfeeding.  But what is a bit overwhelming is that child is male.

BTW, he says the Lansinoh really helps, so frequently asks me to apply or does it himself, but says it is better when I do it. I have told him it is what breastfeeding women use and that I used breastfeeding him.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: MarcoB on June 15, 2020, 04:10:44 PM
Unfortunately there's a lot about gynecomastia that is unknown, even by trained medical personnel.  I feel especially bad for young boys who develop this, as kids can be so cruel!  I don't know what I would have done if it were me.  I started looking into this when one of our sons developed a big Hershey's Kiss on one side during puberty so quickly that I was afraid it would keep going.  Fortunately it did not; but that was 18 years ago and it still has not gone away.  This was also before I had any problem of my own.  It would have to truly be a crisis for me to submit to surgery though.  (Some do view it as such a crisis.)  As one gets older though, there's less and less concern for what others think.  He and you will be learning what works best for comfort, function, minimizing apparent breast size, and hiding a bra under his clothes.  (Bralettes can hide pretty well but aren't always as comfortable; also, a starched, plaid shirt goes a long way to hide what's underneath.)  You are to be commended for your sympathy and support.  Perhaps you saw the posts of 15-year-old member Bailey K, one being the topic at https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/acceptance/17/15-dealing-with-my-breasts/35608 .  Keep us posted.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 16, 2020, 08:21:28 AM
Thank you, MarcoB, I am trying, but there are days when it feels surreal, I am at a loss, and more than I can deal with. 

I see my son struggle at times and it kills me.  Other times, he seems more at ease, accepting, and natural about it. For example, he daily applies his Lansinoh, and is not the least embarrassed to ask me to do it, which is maybe half the time. 

I have given him several of my old camis and tanks with built in shelf bras to wear after the Lansinoh, so the extra layers protect his other clothes. 

As you and Johann both said, kids can be cruel. Some adults, too.  That breaks my heart for him. I got a doctors note to get him out of PE, as the locker rooms were a nightmare. Also, his gym teacher seemed to delight in putting him on the “skins” team; I gave that man a piece of my mind. 

We have learned to somewhat camouflage with too-tight undershirt and loose, dark, thicker, patterned tops.  But, candidly, his breasts are too big to fully hide or stop from moving braless. 

The doctor also said a couple years or so.  It has not even been a year and he is already this developed.  I worry about how much more his breasts could grow in the next year or so. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: SideSet on June 16, 2020, 11:30:41 AM
First, you sound like a great mom, doing all the right things, but very reasonable worries.

Second, sounds like your son is doing as well as you could hope and even reached a level of acceptance. 

Third, I agree with what everyone else here has said so far. 

Fourth, I want to reiterate what seems to be consensus here so far:

It is already past the time when your son needs to start  wearing a bra, both for comfort and appearance. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 16, 2020, 12:20:35 PM
Thanks, Sideset. Everyone here has been non judgmental, empathetic, and helpful.

I agree my son should have started in bras some time ago. His breasts are at least as big as mine were at his age, and surprisingly, the shape, including nipples, almost identical to mine.  And I had been wearing a bra for sometime already back then.  By now, it was second nature to put on my bra when I got dressed.  And I would have felt vulnerable, suggestive, and uncomfortable going out without a bra on.

It is such a big step to start wearing a bra. I cannot  imagine how a boy would feel getting fitted, trying on, learning all about, and regularly wearing a bra.  For me, it was exciting, validating, fun, and I felt grown up, attractive, and sexy. 

I agree he needs the comfort and confidence a bra will give him. Any suggestions how I should initiate him into the world of bra-wearing?

Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: bustymale on June 16, 2020, 02:39:36 PM
His attitude towards using the Lansinoh and camis with soft support might give you an indication of his receptivity to wearing a bra. 

Has he shown any interest in bras?
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: MarcoB on June 16, 2020, 11:31:01 PM
Any suggestions how I should initiate him into the world of bra-wearing?
It may take him a while to adjust his mindset for it.  It's just too scary when starting out.  At least it was for me.  I was sure everyone would be pointing and snickering and laughing; but actually I didn't see any evidence at all that anyone noticed.  As a side note, I didn't go into a crowd of junior-highers, but I think I had it pretty well hidden with a dark, striped shirt that wasn't snug.  It was more of a tank-type sports bra, not one that had the tell-tale feminine shape of the wings and hooks and adjusters on the back.  If anyone could see any outline at all, they probably thought it was just a tank-type undershirt.  From the front, they probably just think I have big pecs.

My own case is small enough to hide pretty easily as long as I keep my shirt on; but the soreness and irritation make me want a bra for relief.  The bralettes that just squash the breast down are no longer comfortable, and I want something with a bit of a cup to it.  I haven't found the perfect choice yet since normal bras with a 38" underbust mostly start at a B cup and I'm not quite there yet (and hopefully never will be), but I've found a few options that are a big relief, even if not perfect.  From what you're saying about his size, I imagine there will be more options for him.

Maybe best would be to give him the freedom, support, and encouragement to wear one around the house when it's just you two.  After a while, he can venture out with one of the more hidable ones (probably some sort of bralette, even if it's not as comfortable as the bra-bra ones), on a cool day where he can wear an extra layer or thicker shirt without getting too hot.  Eventually the fear factor wears off.

I'm sure glad you were able to get him out of PE.  Do encourage him of course to take up some kind of physical activity of his own though.  He's too young to be going on long bike rides or hikes by himself, but there should be plenty of sporting opportunities that don't require showing off breasts in a group, let alone having a jerk for a PE teacher who wants to keep putting him on the skins team!  "Jerk" isn't a strong-enough word for that man!
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: JustJer on June 16, 2020, 11:45:15 PM
I agree with MarcoB.

He could start with a bralette or some kind of sports bra.  Maybe start by wearing them around the house to see how they could help him. 

I am somewhat new to wearing a bra, and I find myself being nervous of having someone notice.  I am sure it will get easier with time.  My wife tells me not to worry.  She has been a great help to me in accepting my situation.  

You sound like a great mom, doing the best you can.  I hope the best for you and your son. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: blad on June 17, 2020, 01:33:48 AM
Baby steps.

He can try a bra at home for a while and venture out slowly in situations he feels safe and in control.

If he likes or prefers wearing a bra he will gain confidence doing so over time.

I know I realized very early on that I preferred wearing a bra, but started out selectively wearing it and slowly increased until wearing one full time.

At least he is not alone and has your guidance.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Paa_Paw on June 17, 2020, 03:38:24 AM
Start with the doctor again. A referral to an Endocrinologist might be in order.  This medical specialist will know better than any other how to interpret tests of your son's hormone levels and if needed, how to treat any hormonal imballance. Some Pediatricians also have a specific interest in development through puberty and they might be a good alternative.  
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: aboywithgirls on June 17, 2020, 08:21:44 AM
I started wearing a bra at the suggestion of my mother. It was optional at first. Once I developed to the point that we both agreed that I needed to start wearing a bra full time, she took me bra shopping and got fitted. Before that, I was wearing my sister's hand me down bras that she had outgrown. 

Im glad that i had the option to wear or not wear a bra because it gave me time to figure out what was best for me. I have grown to wear a 36H which happens to be the same size as my sister. I couldn't imagine going braless nowadays. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 17, 2020, 09:31:43 AM
I am a bit overwhelmed by all your positive support and advice.  Thank you so much. 

I only know this thing from my perspective of loving a male with female breasts not knowing how it feels for a male to have female breasts.

 I will reply specifically to each of the wonderful responses.

 Silly question. Do you think having female breasts makes a male nicer?   You all are so sweet. And my son is so sweet that I sometimes worry for him.  Makes him more vulnerable, you know?
 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: aboywithgirls on June 17, 2020, 03:35:27 PM
" Nicer" is a pretty broad term. I think that it will make him much more empathetic to some issues that women have to deal with.  He will have to put up with the bra of course. He will more than likely never get to swim topless. He will have a host of other breast related issues to deal with as well. 

Its definitely not all bad. There are perks to having them as well, as you know. I could have had surgery but, as I've said before,  they are nothing that a good bra can't cure. Ive grown to appreciate and even live having them. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Dudewithboobs on June 18, 2020, 02:02:41 PM
I don’t think it makes one nicer or meaner but I do believe it makes one more aware of the cruel way others treat others based on the fear or insecurity it may present in how one will be treated and possibility of insult and such. I think having it in mind how one may feel toward a “flaw” of their own that is becoming so in view and unable to be hidden. Makes one think twice before being mean themselves and therefore empathizes much more than others may. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: paulpark21 on June 18, 2020, 04:30:06 PM
I am a bit overwhelmed by all your positive support and advice.  Thank you so much.

I only know this thing from my perspective of loving a male with female breasts not knowing how it feels for a male to have female breasts.

 I will reply specifically to each of the wonderful responses.

 Silly question. Do you think having female breasts makes a male nicer?  You all are so sweet. And my son is so sweet that I sometimes worry for him.  Makes him more vulnerable, you know?
 
Nicer -  sweeter?  Maybe but I think it's more of  a empathy thing.  We've been through this with all the angst that you and your son are now going through.  For most of us it's  acceptance of what we cannot or do not (operation wise) want to change.  Bra wearing is a big step for a male, especially in this society.  Wishing you and your son all the best.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 18, 2020, 05:06:46 PM
Dude and Paul, you make good points.  Whatever the reason, I think all of you are so sweet and nice, thank you. People have shown such empathy and humility and helped me more than you can know. 

I have been trying to understand my son, what he is going through, needs and doesn’t need. I only know it from my point of view as a female who has breasts, not a male who has breasts.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 18, 2020, 11:25:11 PM
We are going to Soma tomorrow.  Yay.

My son wants to try wearing a bra.  I measured him tonight.  I came up with 32 B, and it is a full B (https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/72x72/1f642.png)

I have a friend who works at Soma.  They don't open until noon.  She said come in at, get this, 9:30 and she will fit him and then he can try on "things," her words, and we will have the store to ourselves for over 2 hours before the have to get ready to open.  She said "We will have so much fun. We want him to wear home a bra, at least."

It seems I will be posting in the Acceptance Section going forward.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: SideSet on June 19, 2020, 12:31:50 AM
So, I guess you had the bra talk. How did it go?  I guess well, but if you care to share details?

Soma is a great boutique. I love their merchandise. And their SAs are incredible. 

Interesting she said “things,” not bras.  Soma has a lot of cute things that are not bras.  Hmmm

Would love to hear all about it. 

You seem happy. Excited even. 

Full B cup and only 12 and still developing.   How would you feel if he ended up like DDD me?  He might. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: gmast on June 19, 2020, 08:46:07 PM

 Silly question. Do you think having female breasts makes a male nicer?
 
Why would it make a male nicer?  Women aren't nicer because they have breasts.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 19, 2020, 09:53:29 PM
Gives them more feminine characteristics.  I believe women are more nurturing, for example.  Allows to empathize better with women. Empathy leads to being nicer. 

Everyone here has been nice to me .  Everyone here with me is a male with breasts.  Not everyone I interact with every day is nice to me, trust me
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Johndoe1 on June 19, 2020, 10:33:40 PM
The same can be said in reverse. You have been nice to us even though we do have breasts and that's not always the case. I think we are more emphatic to female issues because of our breasts. What causes us to have breasts are the same reason you have breasts. It's hormonal in both cases and is the same hormone. So it's logical we would at least have a similar basic response.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: gyneco_jason on June 19, 2020, 11:59:24 PM
Gives them more feminine characteristics.  I believe women are more nurturing, for example.  Allows to empathize better with women. Empathy leads to being nicer.

Everyone here has been nice to me .  Everyone here with me is a male with breasts.  Not everyone I interact with every day is nice to me, trust me
I think ABWG put it best, gynecomastia doesn't make a guy nicer per se, but makes him more empathetic. There is a lot of pressure on women to look good, so they fret a lot about their bodies, and that's something that guys who have gynecomastia tend to do too. And like a lot of women who are unhappy with their bodies at first, you can gradually come to accept your physique and even be proud of it.
As long as your son's body doesn't cause him any debilitating health problems, he should be happy with it. And he shouldn't necessarily feel any less masculine for wearing a bra.
It sounds like the two of you have been through a lot together and you're handling it gracefully, so good for you!
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 20, 2020, 04:09:47 AM
What a nice answer, Jason. Thank you. 

Yes, we have been through a lot.  He is the most important thing in my life. 

I try hard.  Really hard.  And now I am awake middle of the night thinking about what to do and how to do it, based on what I learned today taking him for his first bra(s). 

Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: JohannK on June 20, 2020, 05:08:37 AM
You must have your work cut out for you, that's for sure.  Children need both parental roles, and it can't be easy for a single parent to provide both.  I don't know how you can make your son strong enough for life out there while also providing the role that's expected of a mother, but hopefully you will manage.

As for your comment about how we are, I do have another thing to add.  As you know, breast growth is caused by estrogen.  So it stands to reason that we'll also be likely to have other side effects, and as you surely know estrogen does affect your way of thought (and emotions).  So if I have to cast my vote, then I'd say that's likely the biggest factor (not discounting what others have said).
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 20, 2020, 08:38:14 AM
Yes, Johann, I can see what you mean about the effects of estrogen, so you make a very good point.   My son seems to think, react, have attitudes,  behaviors and actions more similar to mine then two males‘.   I compare him to my brother growing up, for example.  I even think growing up I was more of a tomboy.  

 Thank you for your empathy about my role and responsibilities. Could estrogen be helping you be so empathetic?;)
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: aboywithgirls on June 20, 2020, 09:07:06 AM
I think that can absolutely be the case. I think that your son is something very special. He probably understands more than you think. With his breast and other body developments, he understands how he has to dress his body not only to wear what fits proper but also what feels proper. He is in the midst of really learning what 8s right for him.

I know that it's a lot of worry to think " Am I doing the right thing?" Your child will guide you as much as you guide your child. If one day he decides to go braless, just advise him what happens and let him make his decision. 

You've got this! Just enjoy your child. You have each other to get through the path which they choose. 
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: JohannK on June 20, 2020, 09:33:35 AM
Yes, Johann, I can see what you mean about the effects of estrogen, so you make a very good point.  My son seems to think, react, have attitudes,  behaviors and actions more similar to mine then two males‘.  I compare him to my brother growing up, for example.  I even think growing up I was more of a tomboy. 

 Thank you for your empathy about my role and responsibilities. Could estrogen be helping you be so empathetic?;)
I can imagine that it might have an impact.  Bot that I've had any tests done, I'm very hesitant to go for any supplements which might just mess things up further.  That said, I've always had a personality that leans a bit to the feminine side, despite having some rather obvious signs of testosterone-dominance (always been very hairy, and I actually had very noticeable balding at 16).  But on the other hand I have always looked about 5 years younger (apart from the chrome dome of course, which makes me look about 10 years older), which might suggest the opposite.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 20, 2020, 04:20:24 PM
Johann, there are pros and cons to everything, aren’t there?
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: JohannK on June 21, 2020, 06:41:56 AM
Indeed.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: curiousk on June 26, 2020, 10:54:24 AM
Gynomom, 

First, I commend you on taking control of the situation of dealing with your son having breasts at such a young age.  In early teen years, there are so many esteem issues that need to be dealt with.   This situation creates an incredibly unique challenge that no one is prepared to handle.   I feel that you are on the right track of educating yourself, asking for help and opening the lines of communication.
My situation sounds similar to your sons.   At about 10-11 years old, I started to develop breasts.   I was chubby as well, but there was no conversation about it.  Not from my parents, siblings, doctor, nobody.   When I got to 7th and 8th grade, I few guys and a lot of girls told me that I was big enough to wear a bra.   I could also see that my breasts were bigger than 70% of the girls in the 8th grade.  A little embarrassing, but I just kept it inside and deal that wit her it.  I played sports in school and gym classes weren’t a problem.   I had a great gym teacher who always made sure that I was a shirt and never a skin.   
High school wasn’t a big problem for me, outside of a few comments.   I was never touched or groped by anyone.   It’s hard to tell how big I was, probably a solid B cup for sure.   
I’ll fast forward to about a year ago when I stumbled upon this website and really started to seriously investigate to idea of wearing a bra.    In December 2019, I sat my wife and 2 sons( ages 21 and 18 )down to explain that I would feel more comfortable wearing a bra full time.  They were very supportive and told me that they loved me and do whatever I needed to do to be comfortable.   So I got fitted and have worn a bra daily since the middle of December.  I’m 50 years old and not interested in surgery.     Probably something I would have benefited from a long time ago.   While it would have been a bit embarrassing, I probably would have been more comfortable.  
My 18 year has gynecomastia too. He’s in the A/B range.   He’s a bit bothered by it, but doesn’t let it bother him.   I told him whatever way he chooses to deal with is ok as long as he loves himself.
I’m here to lend an ear or give advice, whichever you need.   Good luck to you and your son as both of you navigate your way to acceptance.   
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: Gynomom on June 28, 2020, 03:29:16 PM
Curiousk, your story is inspirational. Thank you for sharing it
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: DW20 on July 09, 2020, 07:47:50 AM
Maybe a bit late and a simplistic way of looking at things but if manufacturers make a bra (for women !!) in a size that  fits her it is  a sign that breasts of that size are recognised as needing support.
The same goes for your son. If there is  a bra made that fits, then his bust is big enough to need support.

I am 73 and have been fully bra'd up for around 3 years now and wished I'd taken the step a few years earlier. I have a very supportive wife - your son is very fortunate to have a very supportive Mum, I hope both he and yourself realise this.

I am father to 3 lovely girls  - when they had breasts big enough they had  bras, for one of them it was 32B at age 11  and there were idiots about telling my wife and I that she was far too young - especially for the styles that actually helped!!

Great to have a lady on the site  best wishes to  you both. I hope in whatever way you will help spread the news that not all male bra wearers are weirdos.
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: SideSet on September 05, 2020, 10:51:52 PM
Haven’t heard from you in several months. Everything OK with you and your son?
Title: Re: Son with gynecomastia
Post by: gynecoindia on September 06, 2020, 06:13:19 AM
Wait for him to be 18 plus years old and if still, he has male breast then go for surgery.
keep eye on his eating habits and give him healthy food so that his hormone levels are balanced. Emotional support and letting him know the true facts will also help him emotionally cope up with the world.
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