Author Topic: Comment from a 'friend'  (Read 736 times)

Offline mickey

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Having a post run drink with a mate the other night. The topic turns to cosmetic surgery and if we'd ever have anything done. I've had a couple of drinks so I say "If I could afford it, there's something I'd get done in a heartbeat."

He just comes right out and says "Your breasts?"

OMG. I felt my shoulders round in and my nipples just felt like the most prominent thing in the room. I tried to laugh it off but it has just plunged me back into self consciousness. Puffy nipples and flabby, feminine contours are just destroying my confidence. Every time I get near surgery (Dr. Nurein is local to me) I feel I just cannot justify the cost and the debt, but I'm nearly 40. One life to live. I want to be rid of these puffy gyne nips so badly.

Also feels like I missed a chance to talk it through properly with a friend, I just shut it down and am feeling resentful towards him. 

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=36242.0

Offline Moobzie

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When I first began to need a bra a friend knew about it, and why it was needed.  Typical Guys' reaction - we both joked about it (me nervously).  I told him the gyno was embarrassing, and he said, "At least you're alive!"  Which is true - I mentioned in another thread that the decision to wear a bra or a body bag is a no-brainer (my gynecomastia resulted from cardio meds).  This friend knows my condition and that I wear bras, I don't flaunt it and it just never comes up in our conversations.  He has never made fun of me, nor made any disparaging remarks about it.   As others here have said, after awhile we just get used to it, accept it, and then get to the point where we're not really concerned about whether others see / notice our condition or clothing (bra wearing).  For a lot of us here, we come to the realization that either others don't notice or don't care as much as we do.  And if the boobs have developed as much as some of us, it becomes obvious anyway.  But for me they seemed bigger in my mind than they were on my chest (at first - though that has changed!).

Since your friend already knows you have gyno, my suggestion is to just talk to him about it.  He must be a pretty good friend to have noticed your breasts and not have written you off.

Sorry for the long post!  All the best to you.  

Offline mickey

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Please don't apologise for 'long post'. I really appreciate your time and kind words. It's really easy to feel alone with this, even though you know other guys have prominent /puffy nipples or more developed breasts.

I'm so torn. I'm nearly 40, and I have hated my chest and body so long. I could, if I tighten the belt elsewhere, afford the surgery. But I have young kids, and feel like can I really spend 4k on myself, when that could be a holiday or investment for them? I don'tt earn big money. When I have mentioned it to my partner they were like "You're crazy, just tone up" but don't understand that this feels like something alien to my body that needs to be removed. I also feel like getting the glandular tissue removed would be such a good incentive to really look after my body...i mean, we only get one, right?

Also, living within a mile or two of Dr. Nurein's clinic...it feels like such a real possibility, whereas previously it has always been fantasy.

When I get like this I drive myself crazy looking at 'gland in hand' videos...i would TOTALLY want to do that. Such satisfying closure I think (although it's only the start of healing, I know.)

Does any of this make sense to you guys? 

Mickey

Offline FredL

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I was overly sensitive about my boobs. Any kind of reference to man boobs, however innocent, got me feeling uptight and embarrassed. I'm with my friends watching comedy and it's a man-boob joke. Or the Seinfeld episode about the man bra. If they're laughing at that, then they're laughing at me. I hated that so much.

If your boobs bug the sh*t out of you and you're cool with the idea of surgery, then make it happen. You'll earn, spend and waste a ton of money in your life and in the end what will you have to show? Boobs! You can't put a price on what having your boobs removed is actually worth. At age 40 your skin is still elastic. I had surgery at 57 and I have some sag and creases. But that's fine, better than those big boobs I had.


Make a plan to pay and get the ball rolling. If you're like me, your only regret will be not having it done sooner. 

Developed breasts at puberty and had corrective surgery at age 57.

Offline mickey

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Wow...thanks FredL.
Powerful post and lots to think about. 
I worry that in opening up the discussion with my part they'll think I'm vain/selfish and it will open up other cracks in our relationship. My kids and her are my priority, 100%...but I just think some days that my kids having a Dad who is happy on the beach and comfortable in his skin IS taking action for them.

Does anyone have any thoughts on Dr. Nurein? Excellent reviews and seems a lovely man. 

Offline FredL

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Quote
I worry that in opening up the discussion with my part they'll think I'm vain/selfish and it will open up other cracks in our relationship.



I don't think you need to worry about that. It's not a vain/selfish thing you want to do. Some guys have no problem with their boobs, others suffer immensely. You might not realize how much you are suffering because you're so used to it. If you are suffering, then it's no different than a disfigurement that can be treated. And for that reason, it should be covered in part by insurance but it's not. It's very unfair.
 
My wife was against me having surgery for all the typical reasons. Money, risk, she loves me just the way I am - boobs and all. I had to explain, in detail, how this affliction has effected me my whole life. It's a very private thing, I never really spoke about it before. There are aspects of being a man with breasts that are hard for the average person to comprehend. It's very complex because of the gender connotations and the fact that none of us asked for it. But I think any intelligent person can get it. It took some work, but my wife was supportive. 

Offline blad

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I have had well enough money for surgery for much of my life, but bras are cheeper and work just fine for me so I never bothered to seriously consider it.

I guess I am so use to wearing a bra that I don't really think about it much. 
If the bra fits, wear it.

Offline mickey

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Hi again folks, and thanks for the thoughtful and considerate responses on here. I'm no further forward. I went from "that's it...im definitely booking surgery, taking this step" to...."im crazy... 4k...that's a home improvement we could have, or a holiday..." to just shelving the idea.

A few days go by and ive Been for a few runs (I run distance) and I order some new gear. If arrives and I try it in and all I can see/feel/think about are my big puffy pasty pale nipples and moobs. To think how much better some of you guys look post surgery...driving me crazy. I'm so indecisive and scared of making the big decisions in life!

Offline FredL

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About 10 years ago I was with a friend and he pointed out a guy walking by with huge breasts. Much bigger than mine. He nudged me and made a face signaling to look over at the guy.  My instinct was to feel hurt and defensive. If you're pointing out his boobs, then what do you think of me? I let it go by and didn't respond, continued whatever we were talking about.

Afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about what I should have said to him. Something along the lines of - Don't laugh, it could happen to you. That would have been a good one because it did. Today he posted a picture of himself with his family on Facebook and he's in a t-shirt. It's quite obvious that his chest has filled out and it's not muscle. He also seems to have more hair than he should.;)

Offline taxmapper

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It may be just the crowd of people that I have been around in the past, but pretty much everyone in the bunch have shrugged their shoulders and haven't said anything. 


Am to the point where they are now projecting outward enough that even larger shirts are starting to show.  

Personally no longer worry about it myself and like you see the $2-10K of money spent better in other directions. 


Offline SideSet

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Thank you for your brave posts.  At a minimum, try a sports bra for when you run. Your wife sounds like she would be glad to help you with fitting. I think you will be happy you did. 

Offline concernedjacob

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Please don't apologise for 'long post'. I really appreciate your time and kind words. It's really easy to feel alone with this, even though you know other guys have prominent /puffy nipples or more developed breasts.

I'm so torn. I'm nearly 40, and I have hated my chest and body so long. I could, if I tighten the belt elsewhere, afford the surgery. But I have young kids, and feel like can I really spend 4k on myself, when that could be a holiday or investment for them? I don'tt earn big money. When I have mentioned it to my partner they were like "You're crazy, just tone up" but don't understand that this feels like something alien to my body that needs to be removed. I also feel like getting the glandular tissue removed would be such a good incentive to really look after my body...i mean, we only get one, right?

Also, living within a mile or two of <a class="underlinelink" href="https://www.gynecomastia.org/doctors/dr-hassan-nurein/profile">Dr. Nurein[/url]'s clinic...it feels like such a real possibility, whereas previously it has always been fantasy.

When I get like this I drive myself crazy looking at 'gland in hand' videos...i would TOTALLY want to do that. Such satisfying closure I think (although it's only the start of healing, I know.)

Does any of this make sense to you guys?

Mickey
Wives or women sometimes dont understand it is not something to just "tone up" so I feel your pain

its  not like laziness caused it, its an actual gland there
just an older gyno sufferer


 

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