Author Topic: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra  (Read 1783 times)

Offline blad

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There has been a considerable amount of discussion on the over promotion of bras on the acceptance threads.

I strongly take the opposite view.  

Guys who search theses particular pages are almost certainly aware of their breast like growth and are aware of the bra option. After all, it is no secret that the vast percentage of the population who have breasts elect to wear a bra. They are at least curious as to what others with the same situation of breast development have to say on the use of a bra and the experiences of others. They are testing the waters if this may be something to seriously consider. They would not likely be looking here if they had a strong objection to wearing a bra and were completely closed off to the option. Talk by cross dressing alarmists is what could scare off those considering a bra, not the discussions by those who have embraced a bra as the solution to their needs and want to pass on useful real work experiences and advice. 

Those that have no interest in accepting and living with their breasts are looking at the surgical side of this site and are not shopping here. I think it could be a strong encouragement to some to see that many guys are at piece with their breast development and, just like a women, have found a bra to be a functional and sometimes very necessary item of everyday clothing. I am not going to be apologetic that I have breasts and find a bra to be a practical solution to every day comfort and even confidence in how I present. That is what these pages are for. Otherwise, fill your boots with all the surgical threads. 

Those of us who decide that we are better off accepting daily use of a bra, do not need to be called down in any way if we wish to pass on our experiences with the purpose of helping others. We are being positive that the use of a simple functional garment called a bra controls any unwanted breast movement and provides a solution to the discomfort that unsupported breasts often have, just like women have discovered for a long time. Guys with Gyno looking here need to know that those of us wearing a bra on a daily basis just find it becomes like a pair of socks, that we forget we are even wearing one much of the time, do not think about it in a public setting, and that life goes on normally, but with one potential irritation now under control.

There is the acceptance of a bra for the comfort and control reasons, but also the perceived stigma new comers will obviously feel if others know they wear a bra. Arguments about what is and is not crossdressing do not help these new comers to feel that a bra can become just a normal everyday garment. The word should not be used period in this forum. Rather, new members should have experiences shared how most of us fly under the radar and how no one sees or cares about our bras. They need tips to build confidence, not labels to scare them off. 

And if a new member posts a picture of them in there first bras, they are being very forthright and obviously must feel they are looking ok in their bra, as it is a big step to share with others. It is helpful that some here comment that they are looking good and clearly are benefitting from the support they now have. And that they may benefit wearing a bra for the rest of their life as many of us have concluded for ourselves. 

I feel that if more guys with Gyno actually tried a well fitting bra that more would end their search of a surgical solution. To that end, comments of trying to get a fitting and making sure they have a comfortable experience with their first bras is very helpful to making a fair evaluation. Surgery is a one way expensive street while a good fitting bra is at least a holding pattern for those with some breast support discomfort, if not a final solution.

Lets be SUPPORTIVE 

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=35917.0
If the bra fits, wear it.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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Well said Blad.  The irony for me as a person who HAS crossdressed during my life which I now understand was the product of sexual trauma when I was a boy, is acceptance of my breasts has really dissolved the feelings that always led me to crossdress.  Yes, I'm wearing a brassiere and enjoying both the feelings and look, but this is a completely different experience.  I'm being me, without shame or judgment.  No doubt it is men here who've come to peace with their developing breasts who have made it possible for me to find acceptance.  I'd like to believe we can offer that to all the men dealing by gynecomastia... the Gyno Guys as you put it.  Sounds like a rock band or men's group...:P

Offline JohannK

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You certainly made some decent arguments there, that I can understand the reasoning behind.  But still, I'd prefer to keep a more neutral/objective approach myself when it comes to giving advice.  Meaning don't avoid mentioning bras (or the pros/cons of wearing), but also don't make a decision for the person asking questions.

As for my take on the term crosdressing, a bit over a year ago it was a "plain and simple" definition, so a man wearing women's clothes or vice versa.  But now that I've spent some time here that changed, as obviously there are cases where it makes sense to shop on the other side.  So I'd say crossdressing is wearing clothes of the opposite sex for the sake of it (regardless of how far you're taking it).

Offline Dale Warnio

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You said it perfectly, blad, thank you. We should be open-minded, non-judgmental, and supportive here. 

Offline Traveler

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When I first found this site it was really already a forgone conclusion for me needing support. Id read so many different threads it became more about my comfort and how to navigate the world wearing a bra. The different styles that would work for me. The way to dress to minimize the fact I was wearing a bra in public. Also, to realize that most people wouldn’t notice or care as long as I wasn’t flaunting it. 
I’m with blad on with the recommendation of wearing a bra when really, the ones who need support already know that they do and are here just looking for acceptance for something that society says they shouldn’t be wearing. How far they want to go is up to them. Because really, they already know the answer to that question.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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This is the side of the website focusing on acceptance, which isn't necessarily easy to do after a lifetime of embarrassment, even shame over the fact of having enlarged breasts as teens and men.  Acceptance definitely is not dependent on wearing a brassiere, but acceptance really is the only way a man is going to come to the decision to put a brassiere on and see how it feels.  Simple statements made here are very helpful... men showing photos of their breasts and of the brassieres they choose to wear, tell a powerful story.  Wearing a brassiere does not mean we want to become women.  Men who want to transition are not spending time on this website embarrassed about their breasts... they're on the websites devoted to growing breasts and preparing for sex change operations.  I think the push and pull that happens even in the Acceptance forums comes from discomfort with the simple fact we have breasts... as though we've violated the terms of our masculinity.  Honestly, we do ourselves and others a disservice when we slip into those arguments.  We are as we are.  Can we accept and care for ourselves as we are?  That is the only important question, one which can naturally lead to investigation whether wearing a brassiere will help us physically and even mentally.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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I wanted to weigh in after waiting for a few responses as I felt this topic could go one of two ways. Bring out the weirdo-s or bring out the empowering. Glad to see the empowering showed up and gave excellent responses. I applaud and appreciate those who commented, all wonderfully put. I came on this site after much googling a  couple years ago as I felt my chest itching and hurting, going to the dr and it being revealed I had breast tissue and it was a common sign of such. Freaking out wondering wtf is going on, going to happen, how in the...I found sites like Susan's Place, where I'd imagine anyone here who is looking to transition or feminize would go after browsing their site. I found other sites like Cheryl's Room and BreastNexus and found the similar stuff and left. I got on picture sites like flickr and imgur and tried to find men with breasts to see if any others were like me, and found pretty much just crossdressers and wannabe's. Turned to other socials like Reddit and Facebook Groups and found the same. Finally came across this site after I went to a follow up with the dr and he officially said a word I never heard before "gynecomastia". Used that to google that specifically and came across this page. Gave it a try and success. Seeing men who were carpenters, mechanics, play hockey, and other things in the 2 years I been on here and seeing men who were men but had heart issues, surgeries, that medication resulted in, who were idiopathic with adult onset and no reasons why given, who had them as most commonly, as a teen and dealt with the bullying and coming to terms, to the people who's family's are conservative and reserved yet accepted the fact their son, husband, whoever, has breasts and was wearing bras to family functions, churches, etc. without complaints. I say all that to say this....there is plenty of room on the internet for the crossdressers and werido's. Will that prevent them from coming here. No, it's seen from time to time that they will show up and show out on threads. I believe this is due to wanting to seem like one of us, and see how many of us they can show are like them.

But it is imperative for the encouragement and empowering of wearing bras as men. I feel it has been vital to my lowering of giving a s--- about wearing a bra. I wore a bra to work for the last 3 days and it is because this site gives me strength when I feel like a freak, or for when I put a bra on and feel low and perverted cause I shouldn't be wearing one. Or what will one think, say or do if they see me and don't know me, or know me and see the bra straps and adjusters ni the back of my shirt, or worse...know me come up say hey and hug me and feel my hooks. This is why when I buy a bra I try to buy one with front hooks, and adjusters. But when I'm at the store, I feel at odds and have become much more comfortable in the bra aisle and notice women don't really seem to pay me any mind. But it's because of this forum I am comfortable going in the bra aisle, instead of across from it looking suspicious waiting for the area to be clear to make my move scouting out bras so i can grab and go, hoping I grabbed the right size and style. Men who need a bra, and I want to emphasize, NEED a bra should not feel ashamed, they should not feel discouraged, embarrassed, sad, low, perverted, anxious, lethargic, depressed, etc...they should feel happy and encouraged that there are options for them to be comfortable and secure. My breasts have been going through a growth spurt and have went from a little cushion to jiggling just typing. It's why I decided to wear a bra to work the last few days, and while I knew the straps and adjusters could be identified, I didn't care. My supervisor came to talk to me, co workers I seen in the office we talked, no one noticed and if they did said nothing. May be cause it was a cami bra vs underwire so the cups weren't showing through my shirt as much regarding the rounded shape a bra gives. But I wore a freaking bra to work. TO WORK. I couldn't have done that without the encouragement I get from this forum. I couldn't designate a section in my drawer for my few bras I have, knowing my wife puts my laundry up sometimes, and may see them. I'm becoming more accepting of the fact I believe I need a bra and it is because of this forum. I have accepted I have breasts. They are a small b cup so I'm secure in their lack of projection and such a larger cup size may give. But accepting wearing a bra is a very difficult concept. For personal, for family, for public, for work, etc. I applaud this thread cause it gives those confidence where none may be to wear a supported garment and know they are not alone. I can easily see how one may feel very alone in wanting to wear a bra and when they try to find others like them online and google the idea, finding things I initially found and feeling even worse about the idea and themselves when seeing what the internet shows them in their searches for men who have breasts or wear bras.

This has gotten a lot longer than needed, I'm sorry. But I'm low on time to revise lol and again, thank you to those who commented, cause those like myself, who have accepted his breasts are growing still, and coming to the realization a bra may be a necessity, find total comfort in the encouragement this forum gives. Wearing a bra freaks me out and scares me but this forum makes me feel better about the idea of regular wear. And hope others like myself find this forum as helpful in coming to terms with the idea.

Offline Charlee

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This has gotten a lot longer than needed, I'm sorry. But I'm low on time to revise lol and again, thank you to those who commented, cause those like myself, who have accepted his breasts are growing still, and coming to the realization a bra may be a necessity, find total comfort in the encouragement this forum gives. Wearing a bra freaks me out and scares me but this forum makes me feel better about the idea of regular wear. And hope others like myself find this forum as helpful in coming to terms with the idea.
Dude, I rarely, if ever, read long-winded posts, but made an exception today. You managed to hit so many points on the head, I'm humbled by your words.
I too have the same fears you quoted. Family, friends, public discovery. But, I hope the rest of the world has my opinion that when I notice something odd, I don't "notice" it and make an issue of it.
Happy to be busted.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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Yeah lol I was typing early am and hyped on the coffee and got to a point like no ones gonna read this at this point lol. But glad you did. I actually found out today was my day off at work and am going for a run. Wearing my Cami bra and in a gray shirt. I’m not trying to be noticed but know the adjusters and straps will be noticeable especially as I run awhile and sweat but this forum is making me more comfortable with wearing a bra and I’m trying to do my part of getting used to one cause I know my anxieties and concerns will fade as I wear a bra in colors or clothes that may show hints and notice no one noticing or staring. Personal case study I guess lol. 
I don’t think my wife would approve at all but I’m not home often and I am at a point where wearing a bra is something I feel I need to get used to. And all thanks to this forum for making me feel this comfortable so far in doing so. 

Offline blad

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I know my anxieties and concerns will fade as I wear a bra in colors or clothes that may show hints and notice no one noticing or staring. Personal case study I guess lol.
I don’t think my wife would approve at all but I’m not home often and I am at a point where wearing a bra is something I feel I need to get used to. And all thanks to this forum for making me feel this comfortable so far in doing so.
As you wear a bra full time, it does not take long before it is second nature to put it on in the morning and not remove it until night, just like socks. You will begin to even forget you have one on for most of the day and it will not be on your mind at all as you go about your day in public. You simply forget about it while obtaining the support your breasts have come to need. In fact, you begin to be hyper aware if at any point you are braless due to the negative sensations. 

I maintain the view that most wives will begin to also accept the need of a bra when the evidence of significant breast development is staring them in the face. All they want to know is that the bra is for function and not part of other issues.

I am satisfied to see this thread as a catalyst for constructive discussions. I also note that  the comments made by a "William" have disappeared on some other threads. Comments that were not useful for this part of the forum.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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“All they want to know is that the bra is for function and not part of other issues.“
This is a good quote and hope it becomes truth in my home. The wife and I haven’t been intimate in over 7 months. She sees me shirtless in bed when she comes after I’ve gone to sleep so I’m sure she notices them showing to be fuller and the cleavage from laying on my side but idk cause she doesn’t say anything. She hasn’t seen me on top or topless around the house sitting or anything else to put it on display but I would hope that if she found my bras she would know they are for function as you say. 

And as much as it may become second nature to me and natural to wear one if I wore one daily. My concern still lies in the will co workers notice my rounded shape cause my cami bras I wear hold things in but that’s about it. My t shirt bras give me nice comfort and a little lift while keeping the chest flush but the cups still show projection and in my Dress polos they can be quite obvious to me. Unsure if they would be to others but my concern goes from man I feel great to man did anyone see me walk in and go wtf 

Online MarcoB

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Dudewithboobs, good post.  Yes, I read it all.  My own experience and thinking is similar.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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...I found sites like Susan's Place, where I'd imagine anyone here who is looking to transition or feminize would go after browsing their site. I found other sites like Cheryl's Room and BreastNexus and found the similar stuff and left. I got on picture sites like flickr and imgur and tried to find men with breasts to see if any others were like me, and found pretty much just crossdressers and wannabe's. Turned to other socials like Reddit and Facebook Groups and found the same. Finally came across this site after I went to a follow up with the dr and he officially said a word I never heard before "gynecomastia". Used that to google that specifically and came across this page. Gave it a try and success...

I've wandered the internet much as you have and visited a number of the sites you did.  I also have spent a year and a half on a website called MaleSurivor.org which as the name suggests is from men who were sexually abused as boys.  That happened to me and the experience contributed to my turning to crossdressing when I was 12 years old.  I mention that simply to say coming to terms with gynecomastia and the possibility of wearing brassieres becomes much more complicated when that HAS been a sexual component to the wearing of anything feminine.  I find myself betwixt and between since I'm not simply a man who has breasts growing on his chest, but a sexual abuse survivor who has used crossdressing to manage the stresses of life.  I know that the themes of crossdressing don't really belong on this website, but at the same time talking about breast growth while committed to being a man doesn't play well on crossdressing websites.  In addition it is ALL a bit much for a website for trauma survivors, though I have spoken about these issues there.

I'll do my best to keep my focus clear here but I would be telling a lie if I said I don't enjoy conversations about enjoying having breasts and the sexual feelings that can come with that simple fact.  I understand that becomes confusing.  Do we wear only sports bras, or pretty bras with lace trim... not because its less warm but because we like the look?  Again, difficult matters to consider if all we're looking for is the best utilitarian solution to an engineering problem.  That sounds like a manly thing to do.  I'm good at solving problems like that... but this seems a bit more complex...

Offline Dudewithboobs

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I agree with you and kudos on the surviving of such a traumatic experience and finding comfort in something healthy as crossdressing when many turn to other things to cope.
Regarding bras I agree I don’t think a man should be limited to just pull over or sports bras. If they like that and find comfort with it sure go ahead. If you like t shirt bras with underwire or other fashions of bras. Go for it. For me it turns sideways when a man proudly wears a push up when it isn’t needed. I know some men are quite busty and a push up gives that extra lift of defying gravity off their bodies for comfort. But those who wear push ups and others to enhance something they wish they had more of but don’t vs those who wear certain bras cause it gives the support they need where other bras don’t. Is the fine line to me. Heck to me I have a few bras. 3 t shirt bras 2 cami bras 3 sports bras and one push up. I don’t need the push up but I got one today just to see what they are like and if they do anything extra. Answer for me is nope nothing so it stays in the drawer. The 2 t shirt bras and a cami bra I bought today as my recent growth spurt has caused me to officially enter the jiggling stage of this crap and felt it was time to seriously think of wearing a bra. So I got a few bras that go with colors of shirts I wear to work as it makes sense to try to blend the two in. The black one has lace on the band and the burgundy one has frill and lace. I suck at attaching pics here but I’ll try.
Anyways for me I don’t care what a dude wears. If he has boobs that warrant a bra then wear whatever fashion or style you want. It doesn’t need to be neutral colors and bland fashions. It can be a bralette or Demi or comfort pullover or whatever with lace that is blue pink gold red white whatever. It’s a bra and like a shirt or pants or shoes it should be one you like are comfortable in and enjoy seeing in the options to choose from.
I’m married and my wife doesn’t know I have 7 bras and if she found them there’d be serious questions to answer. But for me she doesn’t know I’ve gone through 3 growth spurts since we’ve last been intimate and for the sake of my situation I keep my bras to neutral colors without padding and push ups with exception to the burgundy one. Which I’ll honestly probably throw away. Especially since I didn't know they had leopard print straps as I was in a rush, saw a rack of 34b bras for 6.98 a piece, and grabbed a couple and left.
Anyways. Sorry for the ramble. I’m apparently getting too good at longer than needed comments.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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What strikes me from your last comment Dude is the fact you haven't told your wife about the brassieres.  That has such a familiar ring to it after reading on a crossdressing website where they use the acronym DADT... for, you guessed it, Don't Ask, Don't Tell... the old Pentagon method of contending with gays in the military.  Even though the intention is different... for them pretending to be women... for you wishing to feel comfortable in your body... but both from a place of believing wives wouldn't be understanding.

I live alone but have a very close friendship with my former wife.  She knows about my history of crossdressing which I never indulged in before or during our marriage.  I told her about it before we were married and again decades after we'd divorced.  She said something similar to what you did... crossdressing is certainly among the most benign responses to sexual trauma.  (Trust me... there were many others not quite so benign.)  But I have said nothing to her about my explorations the last four or five months and certainly have never worn a brassiere during our time together.  Clearly, talking about breasts and brassieres is a bit of a minefield.  The men on the crossdressing site who have the full support and occasionally participation of their wives are celebrated.  Carrying secrets in a marriage is a recipe for disaster AND this topic is not easy to discuss.

Nice collection of brassieres... I have one on order right now from E-Bay where I make all my purchases.  I prefer unpadded underwire brassieres.  I can't help but say I enjoy the process of shopping, buying and then trying out brassieres... my little secret. 8)


 

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