Author Topic: Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra  (Read 1714 times)

Offline Dudewithboobs

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Why would any man tell his wife he has bras in his drawer? Idk about others but I seem to be a bit on the lonesome side of those here who had nothing and now filling B cups in a span of 2 years. I didn’t have them when I met my wife. I don’t know how to address it with my wife. I’m accepting of myself and wearing a bra and trying to get comfortable with the idea of wearing one regularly as things have gotten more mobile on my chest. I’m accepting of things but I don’t think my wife would be. I don’t know how to go “hey babe can you look at my chest cause I feel they have grown a bit and I am thinking of trying a few styles of bras to help with the comfort level. Can you suggest anything I should try style wise?” I don’t see her going “wow yeah those definitely need some support. Why not try some sports bras and if those are uncomfortable a t shirt bra” 

Idk I’m not trying to be rude I just legit have no clue how to bring up the fact my chest has grown significantly since she last saw me shirtless. And even more clueless on how to get her to empathize with the idea of her husband wanting a bra let alone bras. If anyone has any sound ideas I’d be more than happy to know. As I think it goes with the thread. Not only is bra wearing something to encourage. But for those who had breasts coming in to the relationship or those like me who did not and now finds himself with breasts. How do you present the fact you now have breasts. As well as now want to entertain the idea of wearing a bra and present it in such a manner that the wife inevitably will empathize and understand and may not like but will agree and tolerate having a few bras. 

I agree secrets are a recipe for disaster. But until I figure how to bring it up and address it well enough to know going in to it I would have her support not suspicions than I don’t see the point. 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I'm not likely the best person to give relationship advice because I've been married AND divorced FOUR times.  Clearly, I did not have an easy time with intimacy, something I understand better as I've unpacked the trauma I experienced.

You mention that you and your wife haven't been intimate in seven months, so it appears something is going on already.  If the two of you are experiencing some distance in your relationship it likely isn't the best time to bring this up.  But if the moment feels right, I'd be inclined to say something simple like... "Could we talk about something personal?"  If she says yes, you can say something like "I'm embarrassed to share with you the fact my body has been changing and it seems my breasts are getting larger.  I've been doing some research online and it appears I may have a hormonal imbalance."  You give her an opportunity to respond.  Hopefully, if she loves you she won't tell you to leave your home.  From there you can speak about the discomfort you feel.  You could go from there to mentioning this website and that you learned some men are dealing with this condition by wearing a brassiere.

What you would want from a conversation like this is not to convince her of anything, but to earn her support in finding the healthiest solution to the problem.  You can talk about the option of surgery and if you have reservations about that you would share those.  You could talk about discussions here on acceptance and how men are working with that.  Allow it to be a conversation.  Answer her questions.  Seriously, if she can't join you in what is a serious discussion about a real life health condition then this may not be a relationship worth salvaging.  You HAVE breasts and you didn't get them to spite her.  They simply came.  A solid partnership will find a way of responding to the reality of the moment.  And NO, this isn't easy for any of us.

Offline blad

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I think 42C gave an excellent answer to introducing the issue. The timing is something to ponder.

It was very liberating way back for my wife to be on board with my need for a bra. From then on I could wear what I felt I needed without issue and be open about it. If the home front is happy it is easier to go forth in public and wear what makes you comfortable. (And you can tell her you are saving all that money that surgery would cost).
If the bra fits, wear it.

Offline curiousk

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42C said exactly what I would have said.  While I’ve had breasts when we meant, they are bigger for sure now.  She knew that it was a source of discomfort, but lived with it.   With the inspiration from this forum, it forced me to come to the fact that my breasts were large enough to need support and that wearing a bra would be helpful.   
I did go to a store to try on bras first to start  wrapping my head around the idea of it and to see myself in the mirror.   After that was the talk with my wife.  I was scared for sure that would think I was a weirdo or say something hurtful.  All she said was” ok, that’s no problem “.   I explained my discomfort and I wasn’t interested in surgery, so I thought that wearing a bra was a good solution.  From that, she told he wear what was comfortable and would help.
Now, we don’t talk about it or go shopping for bras together.   I don’t think it’s necessary.  I have my drawer with my bras and she has hers.   When I get dressed in the morning, I put one on with her in the room, sometimes in the bathroom.   Sometimes I ask for her help with my straps or does this top go with my bra.  
I appreciate how tough this is but honesty about what’s happening to your body and being true to your feelings about it is a great place to start.  Good luck to you.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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This is a great way to open it up with her. I am confident this perhaps may be the best way to approach it. Thank you for that. It's so simple, but it is so complicated to come up with a way myself so I thank you for the insight. I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not. I feel mentioning it the way you mentioned and letting her do her own research may be the best avenue. If she asks I'll likely note this forum, but it scares me to think what she would think if she saw how often I post here and how often i didn't mention it to her.
Especially with how often we have not been intimate. Personal details like that probably shouldn't be shared, but often come out when letting things out of the system as such. I don't think anything is going on, on her end. Just super busy with everything she has going on. And me I'm just not interested in sex. I never have been. Even when I was a teen and hormones were raging, sex never interested me. But I'm sure whatever is causing my breasts to keep growing isnt' helping in the libido dept. Is there anyone here who has a hormonal imbalance naturally? Not from medications that was a known side effect or anything? Just curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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...I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not...
 

She may react like that but on the other hand, it could be helpful if you framed reaching out to this website because of your confusion about what changes in your chest.  You needed to answer a few questions before you felt comfortable even talking about this subject, with her or anyone else.  Of course, you wouldn't tell her everything you share here.  My guess is she doesn't tell you everything she says about your relationship to her friends.  While open communication is important that doesn't mean everything in our lives is shared with our partners.

With regard to your libido I've been musing about that.  I was quite inhibited sexually in part because of my upbringing and in part because the sexual trauma created so much confusion.  Yes, given the opportunity I would eventually get the job done and I did enjoy it a great deal.  But gynecomastia IS the result of how hormones operate in our bodies.  Since we're fixated as a culture on what bodies should look like, we have a great deal of suffering.  Women who are pudgy or who are flat chested struggle mightily... extreme diets to become a thin as possible and dreams of breast augmentation to get the boobs they long for.  Guys with breasts protruding from their chest come here to have them cut off so the flat chest that is the gold standard can be achieved.  Of course, cutting off breasts doesn't change the hormonal balance in the body.  The question often touched upon here is how the hormones that produced the bumps on our chest are playing out with the rest of our body AND our sexuality.

I've had what I now understand is clinically called gynecomastia since I was a teen.  It is likely this hormonal arrangement that left me with a body that has never been muscular.  I've worked out in the gym at various times in my life and no matter how diligent I was, how intense my workout, my basic body was soft... could we say feminine?  I look at men with hard bodies and marvel at the difference.  Clearly, I'm not a manly man.  And as I've gotten older my body is becoming more feminine.  I'm not taking any medicines that would contribute to breast growth but that is surely what is happening.  I also have a much diminished libido.  Rigid erections are a thing of the past.  Doubtless testosterone is diminishing... likely a significant contributor to my breast growth.

I don't believe any of this is a problem unless I make it one.  I inherited THIS body from my mother, a large breasted woman and my father, a rather slight man who developed a pot as he got older.  Bumps developed on my chest as a teen and I was embarrassed.  I began hiding them with careful clothing choices.  I've done that my whole life... even as the sexual trauma tripped me into crossdressing in which I exaggerated my breasts.  That was not a fulfilling life path but it is what happened with this confluence of factors.  Now I'm attending to this reality in a new way... acknowledging that I have breasts... allowing myself to enjoy the breasts I have... and accepting my body with its diminished libido for being exactly what it is.  I don't need to reject any of this and I certainly would never think about cutting off part of my body so I can satisfy the delusion there is a perfect body and I need one.

Offline paulpark21

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TJust curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.
I think a doctor, especially a male one, is not going to bring up the issue of breasts by himself. Even after mine had a reached a B cup, he said nothing about them even when he was checking my heart which he does every time I see him.  Up to that time I never wore a bra in my visits.  You will have to bring up the subject.  I had an under breast rash which I saw him about, and he didn't bring up the subject of my breasts (I had already accepted them and wasn't interested in an operation).  The next time I saw him I wore a bra which he noticed when doing the heart check and he still didn't say a word about them or the bra. 

So don't depend on the doctor to say something. If you have questions on your growth ask him/her - he may refer you to an endo to check your hormones (if you haven't done that yourself already).

I agree with the other two about finding a quiet time to sit down.  Another possible opening is that you have a medical condition that you want to discuss with her.

Breasts usually don't show much laying in your back, and only a little more on your side.  She may not have noticed yours, especially if her focus is on going to bed.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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Good points. I see some people talk about their drs advising them to wear a bra and I’m like your dr actually said that on top of actually bringing up the fact of the breasts being present. Just never seemed like something a dr would do. 

Regarding medical condition to talk about. I just hope there is one to discuss. My biggest concern is they grow and there’s nothing to point it to and then I’m left with boobs and a shoulder shrug for an answer it’s infuriating to think about only because if I was a woman and my husband great breasts and all I got was a shrug I’d be more than mad suspicious and skeptical. 

I did wear a bra the last few days to work. I have found t shirt bras are doing great to hold and support and not project and show off. Talked to co workers and walking around and no one seems to see anything. Yet to try all the work office clothes I wear but hoping all shirts go as easily masked that I’m wearing one. 

Offline aboywithgirls

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If I think or feel the top I'm wearing will let my bra show through to the point that's all anybody notices, I will usually wear a light camisole underneath my top. It smooths out all the smaller bumps that my bra creates. 

Of course, I still have the two big bumps in the front, however, at least they aren't running wild and have a much more pleasant shape.
Bras aren't for women, they're for breasts.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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I’ve been wearing my 34b bras to work all week and the feeling of being a freak has quickly subsided to feeling comfortable and confident. I’ve worn various bras I have and concluded that same bra size and style isn’t made equally. I’ve really come to enjoy my No Boundary’s bras from Walmart they fit so well and hold me in great. It’s a bit taking back when I scoop and swoop and find myself completely filling the cups but I put my shirts on any color and you can’t even tell. I got the same bra in red that I posted a few days ago noting finding it was a push up realizing it after buying it but wore it to work just to see and can understand why the more bustier men here aren’t against them. Same effect. Couldn’t tell. However another brand same size and band size has a bit more room in them and you can tell for sure something is there. 

My conclusion was if you fill your bra cups the less likely it is they will be noticeable. I’m guessing due to the tissue filling the cups and pushing them to be smooth vs having a bit of space left and leaving room for the shirts to make divots wrinkles or whatever that causes the bra to be more pronounced. 

I definitely plan to replace a couple with more no boundary brand. It also made me wonder what constitutes filling a bra and overfilling? Obviously spilling out is a term I’ve come to know is a good hint but curious how do you know if you are filling the bra properly or relying too much on scooping in to fill. Pseudofilling if you will. 
I place my arms out in front of me straight and noticed some bras I have have a gap afterward where the current enjoyable ones do not and assume this tells me I’m wearing the right bra. 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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Scooping is not something reserved for us men, women do it as well, especially if they're breasts are not "perky."  As you observe Dude, not all brassieres are created equal.  I just received a brassiere from the same company that produces my favorite, in the same size and it is MUCH too large for me.  I fortunately came upon the ideal brassiere for my breasts my second time browsing on E-Bay and subsequently have bought the same style in two different colors.  I also bought a backup.  It is a minimizer... without padding but with underwire.  A 42C with an extender does the trick beautifully.  You can hardly beat the price for this brassiere.  It is very well made and I love how the cups hold my breasts.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Lilyette-Bali-Bra-Plunge-Into-Comfort-Keyhole-Minimizer-Womens-Non-Padded-0904-/401562409349

My breasts are a tad bigger than yours but if I dress carefully, they aren't visible.  But then I don't go to work every day so what I wear at home is only for me... and I love the look and feel of my breasts in this particular brassiere.  The two photos I've shared on threads here were taken with my wearing that brassiere.

Offline blad

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Scooping is not something reserved for us men, women do it as well, especially if they're breasts are not "perky."  As you observe Dude, not all brassieres are created equal.  I just received a brassiere from the same company that produces my favorite, in the same size and it is MUCH too large for me.  I fortunately came upon the ideal brassiere for my breasts my second time browsing on E-Bay and subsequently have bought the same style in two different colors.  I also bought a backup.  It is a minimizer... without padding but with underwire.  A 42C with an extender does the trick beautifully.  You can hardly beat the price for this brassiere.  It is very well made and I love how the cups hold my breasts.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Lilyette-Bali-Bra-Plunge-Into-Comfort-Keyhole-Minimizer-Womens-Non-Padded-0904-/401562409349

My breasts are a tad bigger than yours but if I dress carefully, they aren't visible.  But then I don't go to work every day so what I wear at home is only for me... and I love the look and feel of my breasts in this particular brassiere.  The two photos I've shared on threads here were taken with my wearing that brassiere.
Swoop and scoop is definitely for both genders.

That is a nice tasteful bra you link to. 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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It doesn't get simpler that this blad... no frills but compared with other brassieres I've owned this has the nicest feel as well as the simplest appearance.  The cups have two thin layers of fabric and conform perfectly to my breasts.  I think honestly when they refer to minimizing they're only saying there is no padding of any sort.  Even tee shirt bras have a thin layer of some material.  That is the reason nipples aren't visible.  This brassiere holds breasts in a quite firm shape but it does allow the nipples to show.  Since nipple play is part of the fun for me, I don't mind that at all... 8)

Offline curiousk

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This is a great way to open it up with her. I am confident this perhaps may be the best way to approach it. Thank you for that. It's so simple, but it is so complicated to come up with a way myself so I thank you for the insight. I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not. I feel mentioning it the way you mentioned and letting her do her own research may be the best avenue. If she asks I'll likely note this forum, but it scares me to think what she would think if she saw how often I post here and how often i didn't mention it to her.
Especially with how often we have not been intimate. Personal details like that probably shouldn't be shared, but often come out when letting things out of the system as such. I don't think anything is going on, on her end. Just super busy with everything she has going on. And me I'm just not interested in sex. I never have been. Even when I was a teen and hormones were raging, sex never interested me. But I'm sure whatever is causing my breasts to keep growing isnt' helping in the libido dept. Is there anyone here who has a hormonal imbalance naturally? Not from medications that was a known side effect or anything? Just curious as I am going to the dr next month for end of year physical and it would be nice to know what dr's found that caused your growth to try and have him look for vs just a standard lab test. I can't imagine with the changes of the last year up top my chest is going to go unnoticed. But unsure if drs actually point that out or wait for patient to note it. It would be a bit embarrassing either way to have it noted, or note it myself.
So Dude, did you have a talk with your wife about you wearing a bra?  If so, how did it go?

Offline Dudewithboobs

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Noooooooooope lol I went on quarantine orders around thanksgiving due to daughter getting Covid and worked from home up until this week when I came back to work. Was braless the time due to being at home and working in pjs and not needing a bra. And enjoyed the attire. Went to work today put my bra on for the first time in weeks and yeah I only gained three pounds over the time of not going to gym and working from home an holidays but my bras (tried on 3) are all much more snug than I remember a month and a week ago. Haven’t really been giving it much attention but went to look in the mirror and yeah they are definitely fuller across the chest and sticking out much more from the side angle. I can’t justify the idea of asking the wife about the idea of wearing a bra until it’s actually seen as a need not a want. Right now I don’t need a bra. My chest now jiggles a little when walking but not bouncing everywhere. They are fuller but not causing pain or stress. They are showing more but not causing any insecurity. When I dial down all the factors I want to wear a bra I don’t need to wear one. I want to for all the reasons above as I fined it makes me look and feel better. But it isn’t a necessity and until it is I’ll probably keep it quiet. 


 

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