Author Topic: Have we got a bit off track?? Do we risk alienating prospective members?  (Read 1911 times)

DW20

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Just a question  -  And as a full time pantie and bra wearer enjoying a completely shared wardrobe with my wife, I  fully acknowledge my responsibility in the following.

I am not critical of any post that has been made or anyone's views per se. 
Discussion of "cross dressing" or shopping in the ladies aisles is legitimate discussion for those including myself who find that with hormone balance changes it is not just the chest that changes shape  and may be more obvious in those who of us who are on the slimmer side, but this site is primarily for guys who are trying to find a way through  the most obvious changes that come with acquiring boobs  by dint of nature  rather than than by their own wish and pursuit of being feminised  and perhaps transitioning. The latter do have forums that are more appropriate than this one, though I understand they may wish  to dip in for some sane advice.

I also have seen a few newer posters (very few) where a spate of almost technical / academic scenarios  and comments have come and I have begun to wonder whether they are using us as a source of info for a thesis or study. These I can and will ignore - I have risen to the bait too often already.
I could paint other scenarios.

My prime  concern is that if we we allow ourselves to get  diverted too far in this direction, the site will begin to make us look like a bunch of weirdos and our prime "audience" of those seeking help in working through what nature is doing to their bust. If our slightly "off piste" discussions put off even one person in need of genuine advice and support it is one too many.

I am grateful for the help and encouragement I have received and hopefully returned but I am not sure I would have joined if the balance of the site had been slanted the way it now seems to be going.

I  do not wish to ban anything but I do feel we have a real need to restore  balance in our discussions.

Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=35842.0

Offline Charlee

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Well said DW. I hope my first post wasn't one of those which you mentioned. To each his own.
Happy to be busted.

Offline JohannK

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Good point.  It's easy for a quick slightly off-topic discussion to get out of hand, and we have to be mindful of that.

I personally stopped reading those threads as there's not much for me there (apart from jeans that I'm tightening around 4-5" (going by belt holes and the distance between them) I don't have an issue with men's clothes).  While I understand that some of you might find womens' underwear more suitable, I'll also admit that those discussions do make me a bit uncomfortable.

DW20

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Hi Charlee
Not calling anyone out.
To all including myself I simply say "if the cap fits, wear it".
All discussions are valid but our prime audience is  men who need safe space to work through having normal breasts (but outside the societal norm) on male chests. Men who need support and help in concealment, acceptance, bra wearing and perhaps even rejoicing in owning "a nice pair".-where ever their personal journey takes them. 
I had no desire to have breasts and do not wish to do anything to enlarge them. But if they do grow I shall still treat them as friends rather than enemies. Clothing wise I  simply choose to be comfortable whatever bodily changes my hormones dish out
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 01:23:14 PM by DW20 »

Offline Charlee

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Well DW, I went back and edited my first post and my "about" info for a little more ease of reading.

I do appreciate your stance on what you have and the strength to accept what you might get in the future.

You give me more to cogitate on. Thank you very much.

Offline p.r.1974

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Yes, the internet has many other sites that are more focused on gender confirmation and transitioning. Many of these sites are filled with trolls looking for cyber, with a few exceptions. So for those looking for sane information, and possibly sharing part of their journey here makes more sense.

I understand that we are all here for support on the continuum of the physical and psychological journey with our developing chests, and or the family and friends of us. I understand that we are all at differing points of acceptance on this journey. The fear that our development will alter the relationships in our lives can be consuming. But to take that fear out on another person seeking support is not being a decent human.

Those that would ask for, and benefit from support but snap at another human for doing the same because they are uncomfortable with where the other person is at on the continuum, don't deserve what they received.

DW20

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p. r. 1974
I don't think anything I have written here or elsewhere on this forum is fundamentally at variance with your views. I certainly am not suggesting that any question or Viewpoint is unwelcome, just that each of of us consider the bounds that straight hetero sexual men suffering from gynecomastia whose only concern is coping with breast growth are comfortable with. 
If they are put off they also face a dearth of sensible info and support. 


Offline taxmapper

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There are two fundamental issues here that are being raised. 
1: is the crossdressing aspect for the purposes of a sexual aspect or for a biological aspect? 

2: Is the discussions designed about fulfilling cyber chat or for information? 

the two can intermix in multiple different ways.  My personal reason was to find individuals who have some level of insight to the situation in either a different or more advanced way than I so I can measure my response to the bodily changes that take place. 

I have for years worn womens bike shorts because they are the most comfortable for me, but similar male style bike shorts for me has always been uncomfortable. 
Now with bras coming into the picture it's more of a need than a desire, and the wife, though not very happy about it is at least not making as much fun of me as she previously was. 

So now I have both top and bottom female underwear that is becoming more of a need than any desire. Whereas before it was simple comfort more than anything else.

In that vein, talking about the issues with those who realize the either do not want nor /or have the desire to cut their body up to get rid of "girly parts", the desire will mostly fall to like mindedness/experiences over that of again cybering. 



Offline gmast

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Discussion of "cross dressing" or shopping in the ladies aisles is legitimate discussion for those including myself who find that with hormone balance changes it is not just the chest that changes shape  and may be more obvious in those who of us who are on the slimmer side, but this site is primarily for guys who are trying to find a way through  the most obvious changes that come with acquiring boobs  by dint of nature  rather than than by their own wish and pursuit of being feminised  and perhaps transitioning. The latter do have forums that are more appropriate than this one, though I understand they may wish  to dip in for some sane advice.
Yes, you are alienating prospective and current members.  In the past, this group discussed issues pertaining to men considering or wearing a bra.  Discussion of cross dressing was strongly discouraged.  Lately, it seems that several of the more active posters are talking not only cross dressing, but even saying that men that grow boobs because they are becoming more feminine.   Thus more sensitive to others feelings, like to look pretty, and worry about things like if their underwear matches their bras.  Some say that even thought they wear pretty panties and bras that match and go with their camisoles, they aren't cross dressers, because they aren't wearing their frilly camisoles.

It tough enough for guys to come to terms with growing boobs, and even tougher to accept that they may be more comfortable wearing a bra, but then coming here and find out that other guys that they are now less manly, more feminine, and after wearing bras think that cross dressing the next thing likely to happen. Its not helpful for men trying to come to terms with gynecomastia.

Offline Traveler

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“Bras are for breasts” as one poster notes. But, even the most centered of us can’t help but think of them as feminine. They are marketed exclusively for women. Being a guy it’s very hard to look at myself in the mirror with a bra on and feel manly, but it’s what I need to wear to support the twins. So, in that case I am being a take charge guy. While others share their problems getting clothing to fit because of their changing bodies it can be misconstrued as cross dressing. I think it’s MOSTLY finding an answer to a problem and to hell with what others think. There are a few that do seem to revel in their feminine side and you CAN tell who they are.
 ABWG is a good example of what confuses some guys, he takes care of his “girls” regardless of the style of bra and he wears clothes that fit him, he may have a little fun with it but he doesn’t present as anything other than male. 
Yes it’s hard to have breasts as a male. I’ve chosen to man up and do what I need to do and if it means I have to shop some at the “other side” of the store, so be it.

Offline gmast

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There are a few may actually have difficulty finding men's clothing that fit, and will wear women's clothing and hope to look male.  However, most of the cross dressing posts are about wanting to wear women's, not needing to wear it.  We think of bras as femine, because they are.  They provide support but they also reshape breasts to appear more feminine per current social standards, and only a small amount of guys wear them, and most of them are cross dressers or wanting to transition to a female persona.  That's why guys came here looking for support.  They can see the benefits the support gives, but are reluctant to wear feminine clothing that will make them appear even more feminine than they already appear due to the gynecomastia.

Offline p.r.1974

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My apologies DW20, my reaction could have been worded differently. My comment stemmed from a previous interaction that did not involve you.

Having grown up the big kid and beginning development early puberty made me more of an outsider to many. Learning to accept my gifts has been a long road that required asking for help along the way; something that I think many of us share.  My opinion is that we are on this rock is to support others when we can, even if it is difficult.

Yes, coming to terms with a developing chest is difficult, regardless of orientation and impossible standards that society has ingrained in all of us. I have had to develop a thicker skin to be a functional adult male with breasts. Being relatively new myself, I found it refreshing that some are open enough to share their lives with posts and some photos here. I have not been messaged by or seen creepy posters here. I would like to ask atypical questions if I have them, without having to worry I might offend the small minded. I am not talking about graphic content or content way beyond what I have seen here. Boundaries exist and are essential, within reason.

I am just tired of being told that I do not belong at all the places I have over my lifetime, and generally in ways humans should not treat other humans. Coming from that background I tend to see what I perceive as hostility towards another poster for asking a question as being a bully, and are dealt with as such. I am doing better at getting a clearer understanding of the situation before opening my mouth, but I still slip.

DW20

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As a man I consider myself to be 100% heterosexual. I do not present to the world as anything but.
It was my male Dr who suggested that  I did not have a condition that needed treating  and the most sensible, no cost, no risk way of managing was to wear a bra (well tested and perfected by women over a long period of time) it was he who also suggested that given my hormone profile other bodily shape changes were likely take place in term of fat redistribution and that might need similar action.
Knowing the comfort of panties I no longer own any male equivalent. Why would I when a few steps over to the women's section brings comfortable elastic a fabric an better fit? I will not apologise for following medical advice nor criticise others for advocating this either but panties should not be the prime focus of this forum.
It was my medic who put gyno into perspective that it was  a problem society created because it couldn't cope with normal. The full range of breast size exists as a continuum across the whole human race irrespective of gender and thus results in full breasted males and flat chested women (who probably get taunted by the same morons that like to give us a hard time) 

See me outside, yes it probably looks like I wear a bra. Get the side boobs out from under arm and there is only one direction they can go - forward. I do try to not let the bra actually show itself or show more than the often unavoidable hint through clothing.
I really really wish bras and other undies could be bought sans lace and adornments but even lace is a very sensible option in hot weather

The whole clothing business is  odd. I have some Scots blood. During very hot weather I will wear a mini skirt, usually denim, and almost indistiguishable from shorts at distance and I have had a few odd glances and comment even from friends, but wear a kilt and everything is OK.  I can even go to church in a kilt! What a hypocritical lot we are. 

Anyway - new resolution: I will major on the boobs and bra issue because that is why most of us fellas make initial contact with this site and I for one don't want to put any of them off. I started the post not to provoke many long replies but just to suggest that before every post we make we just pause to consider who we might discourage from joining this wonderful forum
Just for the record I have acquired two "boys"  on my chest not "girls". They are attached to a genetically male body and are NORMAL even if society wishes to think otherwise. I am a male in body and mind but I do need to shop in the women's aisle for more than bras! - my last word on this thread. Cheers fellas
« Last Edit: September 18, 2020, 07:07:55 AM by DW20 »

DW20

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Just a quick PS - breaking my own "last comment"

The rules that preface this section of the site specifically forbid any discrimination on basis of gender or orientation.

We all must take heed, be friendly and push no one away. If we can't be positive perhaps it would be well to remember a  saying of my English Master at school.
"It often shows a fine command of the English language to say nothing"

Offline SideSet

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Hammer lives. 

Narrow minded not enjoyable for me.

Taking a sabbatical 


 

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