Author Topic: Any one else concerned about the forum?  (Read 716 times)

boobs are normal

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I am fairly new here though I have lurked and been helped for many a year.
When starting to think I needed a bra I happily gave my wife the forum address as a means of getting to grips with the idea of helping her to see this was no weird fetish of mine. Sadly, I have to say I definitely could not do that now.
I am pretty broadminded but I fear this excellent forum is under threat and may soon be unsuitable for reading by the young and its standing as a source for genuine help with male breast growth is actively being undermined
There seem to be a few who want to get their rocks off by provoking a slow slide into erotica. I may be reading too much into this but a few times I have got the impression of almost daily updates on nipple feeling and implying that it is a fetish that they get off on. 
Yes nipples are enjoyable but this site is not the place for lengthy and prolonged discussion (often repetitive across topics) .
My latest find is a post encouraging exchange of info on comparative breast to genital size! Really!

Do we  ignore it and just hope it goes away or should we be speaking up or lobbying the moderators?


Linkback: https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?topic=35957.0
« Last Edit: October 23, 2020, 06:49:56 AM by boobs are normal »

Offline JohannK

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It's a tricky one.  Such agendas are often times pushed slowly and incrementally, as you seem to have said yourself.  So we do need to be vigilant, or we'll get a case of "you allowed x, why can't you accept y?".  And then comes z.

But of course overmoderation can also be a problem.  So it's hard to say.

boobs are normal

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Where does moderation become aggressive censorship? Tricky indeed.
I belong to a sport forum with excellent moderation. 
The posters name appears within the thread but the actual post is replaced by "off topic", "transferred to.....",  "start new thread" or "wrong site" the latter often adding a suggested suitable site. This allows any people interested  a chance to follow any rejected post.
It seems to work well without howls of protest apart from the lunatic fringe who eventually get themselves banned! 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I'm probably the person who has taken some conversations in the direction you mention but I don't feel an apology is in order.  I have gynecomastia and have struggled with it as have many who arrive on this website.  Frankly, I don't believe Merle, who is gay, created this website so married men will have a place to discuss these matters with their wives.  I believe it was created for men to talk about their experience with having gynecomastia and consider how best to respond to the reality of having breasts.  Clearly the site is divided into two side, one for those pursuing surgery to remove the breasts, the other for those who wish to accept them.  Discussions about brassieres come into the mix for those men who choose to accept having breasts and who need the support.  That is obviously an important topic.  But it is not the only topic relevant to accepting breasts.

I've made clear in my posts that my perspective as a sexual abuse survivor is a bit different and I've expressed how both the fact of having breasts that are growing as I age and my history of crossdressing, make the topic of wearing a brassiere more complicated.  I'm trying to sort all of that out here and elsewhere.  I don't feel an obligation to protect this website for the wives of men who come here.  In the time I've been here I've watched the conversations about what we're all about here, from the fellow who said brassieres are only for women...by definition; that ONLY compression shirts are acceptable to control breasts; the conversations that suggest the ONLY acceptable brassiere for a man is a sports bra; and whether a brassiere with ornaments on it is acceptable.  Where the line gets drawn is a reflection of individual bias and has nothing to do with reality.  We're dealing with changes in the hormonal balance in our bodies and the fact of having larger breasts is only one aspect of those changes.  We don't have to pursue crossdressing to acknowledge these changes and how best to respond to them.  In my mind, these topics all belong here because they're all related to gynecomastia.

I found resources on the web that cover this topic simply and thoroughly and recently offered two links to one of our fellows who was concerned his wife would find this website and be offended.  I suggested he direct her to those resources and that they having a conversation about what she reads and what he is feeling.  I encourage men here to not refer their wives to this website and if there are topics that don't speak to you that you simply ignore them.

That's my opinion on the topic.  I certainly won't be offended if folks avoid my posts.  If you wish to complain to the moderator and the moderator tells me to cease and desist, I'll likely take my marbles and go home.  If I can't talk about what is relevant to my journey with accepting gynecomastia there is no reason for me to be here.

Offline blad

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Everyone knows you can't please all people all the time.

Thus I am sure the focus of this site was not made to be a nice safe place to bring the wives as well. In general, men do not share feelings and emotions easily. Particularly things like the emotional scars left by developing female breasts that opens us up to unwanted attention and belittling comments. It takes a degree of fortitude for an average guy to openly discuss how having breasts has impacted their lives with the further awkward complications of discussing incorporating a bra into the mix. Knowing that various wives are also in the loop of sharing their journey through these difficult or embarrassing topics would simply shut down many who contribute and open up their feelings here. 

The purpose and effectiveness of this sort of site and the open sharing of feelings would be subverted.  
If the bra fits, wear it.

Offline JohannK

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Everyone knows you can't please all people all the time.

Thus I am sure the focus of this site was not made to be a nice safe place to bring the wives as well. In general, men do not share feelings and emotions easily. Particularly things like the emotional scars left by developing female breasts that opens us up to unwanted attention and belittling comments. It takes a degree of fortitude for an average guy to openly discuss how having breasts has impacted their lives with the further awkward complications of discussing incorporating a bra into the mix. Knowing that various wives are also in the loop of sharing their journey through these difficult or embarrassing topics would simply shut down many who contribute and open up their feelings here.

The purpose and effectiveness of this sort of site and the open sharing of feelings would be subverted. 
That about not being able to please everybody is so true...

And I also agree with what you said about us men not being able to open up easily.  I don't think it's even necessary to say this (as I'm sure most of you know this personally), but it wasn't easy to publish the first thread/post in which I asked the bra question.  Referring to my breasts as such was also not easy.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I don't take what you write as a criticism but trying to make threads on this website so neutral that no one will be offended strikes me as losing proposition.  I understand men have great difficulty approaching this subject... it was one I avoided my entire life.  Crossdressing was never a solution to what was ailing me in the past and certainly isn't where I wish to go with my journey going forward.  And I'm not one of the men here who feels since I'm wearing a brassiere it makes sense to wear matching panties.  A brassiere is the only garment I wear that comes from across the aisle as you put it.

I spend considerable time on a website created for men who were sexually abused.  I put a great deal of effort into supporting the men who arrive and share the even more shameful subject of having been traumatized as boys.  I understand the importance of keeping the environment safe.  Of course on that website there is an Introductions forum so simple greetings and encouragement are possible.  That doesn't exist here so newcomers find themselves arriving on threads that can be difficult.  There are many such forums on the website for men who were abused... much more disturbing than anything here... but newcomers only go there it they wish.

Perhaps there needs to be a thread with a sticky to keep it at the top of the Acceptance forum with the title "Are Brassieres Helpful When Dealing With Gynecomastia."  Or a more generic topic like "What Are Men Doing to Deal With Gynecomastia."  Those could be introductions for newcomers.  "Newcomers" could even be added to the title so men will know that is a good place to begin.  I think we're all looking for a win/win situation here.  Relieving ourselves from shame is important and so is telling the truth about our experience.  I believe that is possible with good will.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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There was no judgment in my comment about panties and honestly, I don't recall your speaking about this.  If I missed it, it is likely more my memory than anything else.

But your whole riff here takes this conversation into the kind of territory you want to avoid on behalf of the newcomer who is anxious about being here.  This is what I mean when I say, it isn't likely we can create a vanilla environment where only the most basic questions are discussed.  From my perspective, everything you say about where you stand on the gender continuum seems perfectly appropriate for this forum... hormones at work. 

This thread expresses concern about the forum and personally, I don't have any.  This is about FINDING acceptance, not trumpeting our success in having achieved it.  That process can be messy and even controversial for those folks who believe it can only be done one way.  And I think you're misreading where I stand in all of this.  I'm comfortable in my own skin... I'm just celebrating that fact after a lifetime of not feeling comfortable with anything.  I'm grateful I found this website and that men here are talking about wearing brassieres, and about the feelings that evokes.  This all seems very healthy to me.

Offline blad

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But for the occasional dust up, I think this forum has been largely successful. I have never seen a forum that did not have the occasional fiery exchange. Considering the issues discussed here can be very personal, and out of ones comfort zone sometimes, I think it has held up rather well. 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I'm relatively new Blad and I feel the same way.  Of course, this forum is about as slow as molasses in January... to use a phrase from my distant past.  When I visit the survivor website there are perhaps 70 people on the site and at the crossdressing site there are perhaps 300.  There are 145 guests online here at the moment and only three of them have visited a thread in the Acceptance side of the site.  It seems those of us working with acceptance are seriously in the minority.  That doesn't bother me but it definitely means the circle of people joining in conversations is rather small.  The range of topics is relatively narrow as well... yes, important questions but it is easy to run out of meaningful things to say.  But then I guess once you've said wearing a brassiere is fine and found a style of brassiere that works for you, there isn't a great deal more that needs to be said... unless one wants to talk about the enjoyment that comes along the way.  We'll leave that for another discussion... 

Offline blad

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I'm relatively new Blad and I feel the same way.  Of course, this forum is about as slow as molasses in January... to use a phrase from my distant past.  When I visit the survivor website there are perhaps 70 people on the site and at the crossdressing site there are perhaps 300.  There are 145 guests online here at the moment and only three of them have visited a thread in the Acceptance side of the site.  It seems those of us working with acceptance are seriously in the minority.  That doesn't bother me but it definitely means the circle of people joining in conversations is rather small.  The range of topics is relatively narrow as well... yes, important questions but it is easy to run out of meaningful things to say.  But then I guess once you've said wearing a brassiere is fine and found a style of brassiere that works for you, there isn't a great deal more that needs to be said... unless one wants to talk about the enjoyment that comes along the way.  We'll leave that for another discussion...
Your points are all correct I feel. I think that it is also a function that most men with breast development do not get their head around even the consideration of a bra. I have always stated that if guys with breasts were to try a proper fitting bra for a reasonable period of time, that many more would come to realize that it is a practical low cost and low risk solution to their perceived problem. They just resist that first step to at least try a bra.

Maybe we need to advertise. 

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I've checked a couple of stories and note your presence making the case for considering a brassiere.  I imagine for many men that feels like insult added to injury.  They are embarrassed about having breasts... and haven't we all felt that along the way.  Then hearing men talk about brassieres feels like the final confirmation that they really are girls after all.  I've said on a number of threads the obvious, that we live in a culture that values hyper masculinity and sexualized women in tight clothes acting provocatively.  I point to Britney Spears as the culprit and I'm not being silly.  She was moving from talented teen into a more mature presentation and she did so by becoming very provocative in her dress.  The girls of that generation took the bait and we arrived where we are today.  Miley Cyrus followed the same path only she had to make it more raunchy to distinguish herself.  Add the iPhone and the billions of selfies taken and complete self absorption in how we look has become the norm.  If we don't measure up the the standard, we're out of luck.

I looked at a story about a fellow who was concerned about his surgery.  He had an after photo with a big scar across his chest and a miss-located nipple.  Above that he had a photo of his chest before surgery and he looked awesome.  What in the heck was he doing having surgery on his chest?  The problem was between his ears, not on his chest.  Of course, that is typical of anyone who has plastic surgery... it is for the vanity not the sanity.  I know there is a place for plastic surgery, but it is so misapplied in my opinion.  We have more plastic surgeons in the U.S. that in any other country.  Brazil is second and they are a world leader in transsexual surgery.  I just did a search and in 2013 there were over 22,000 male breasts reductions surgeries performed.  It is a thriving business for plastic surgeons.  Yes, we get to make our own choice but we're definitely in the minority.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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Should I apologize because I have opinions or because I don't agree with you?  Mmm.

I actually proposed a reasonable compromise with my suggestion about a pinned thread, but you completely ignored that.  Honestly, I'm not certain I'm the person here who is taking a rigid position on the matter.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I'm a bit surprised that you needed to make this so personal by denigrating me.  I took your comments seriously and addressed them respectfully.  We may disagree but I have no interest in being disagreeable.  Somehow you decided to make this about my ego.  Absolutely, from that perspective we have nothing to talk about because I have no interest in demeaning you.  I'll happily leave this thread as well.  You may wish to avoid me in the future because so long as I'm here, I'll express my opinions.

Offline taxmapper

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I will tread carefully so read it carefully. 

First, I am not slamming anyone, just making a point. 

OK. 

When a web site of any discussion is created and the whole body of participants are sincere in their views and positions, then a healthy discussion comes to play. 

When the trolls come out, YOU the reader, (unless you know that person directly) have absolutely NO CLUE to whom they are.  The magic of the internet is the anonymity it brings. Anyone can post claiming anything. 

This is why it is so damn dangerous for a young child to be left alone on the internet.  You simply do not know. 

When you have someone find their way to a website like this, you must keep in mind the following: 

1: The discussion is about a subject outside of normal aspects of life. We simply don't talk in our culture of men with mams! 

2; We do not know the legitimacy of ANYONE or ANYTHING! We have to use the honor system and allow for the openness of discussion. This opens one up to the possibility of such concerns.  

3: Every discussion takes on a life of its own. The nature of discussion, debate and any open communication is subject to abuse and fraud. 





 

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